today
I didn't go to work today. Got up late - despite waking at 6:30, just lie there thinking. And felt a bit faint when I did get up. And it's fairly pointless, because I just sit at my desk and think about Jon, or surf the web to avoid thinking. Mathematics is not being done.
Yesterday I began jotting down lots of thoughts about Jon, things I want to say to his family. Today I want to actually write the thing, if I can. But I keep putting it off.
They rang me last night, on my mobile, I didn't find out until bedtime. Wonder why.
Mum wants me to visit this weekend. I don't know. Her inviting me is some kind of acknowledgement that this is a difficult time for me, but mostly she acts as if it's no big deal. On Friday when I told her, I waited until she had finished all her rambling and was saying "Well I think that's all the news". When I said about Jon, she was like "Yes, I could tell from your voice that you were upset." And yet she just rambled on regardless? Even after telling her, this didn't deflect her from her "that's all" and ending the call.
Similarly, on Wednesday, she asked how the funeral went and then wittered on for ages about her cousin and about B's daughter's dog.
Yesterday she had to go to hospital for a test. I know I should have rung to ask about it, but I just can't stand her insensitive chatter. She'll phone me tonight, and I'll need to decide if I'm going there tomorrow.
Yesterday I began jotting down lots of thoughts about Jon, things I want to say to his family. Today I want to actually write the thing, if I can. But I keep putting it off.
They rang me last night, on my mobile, I didn't find out until bedtime. Wonder why.
Mum wants me to visit this weekend. I don't know. Her inviting me is some kind of acknowledgement that this is a difficult time for me, but mostly she acts as if it's no big deal. On Friday when I told her, I waited until she had finished all her rambling and was saying "Well I think that's all the news". When I said about Jon, she was like "Yes, I could tell from your voice that you were upset." And yet she just rambled on regardless? Even after telling her, this didn't deflect her from her "that's all" and ending the call.
Similarly, on Wednesday, she asked how the funeral went and then wittered on for ages about her cousin and about B's daughter's dog.
Yesterday she had to go to hospital for a test. I know I should have rung to ask about it, but I just can't stand her insensitive chatter. She'll phone me tonight, and I'll need to decide if I'm going there tomorrow.