The boy behind the door [always half of a whole] (1)
Title: The boy behind the door [always half of a whole]
Fandom: Kinki Kids
Pairing: Tsuyoshi/Koichi
Rating: up to NC-17 eventually
Summary: It is Koichi's job to make Tsuyoshi's life go according to plan, but what if he is the very reason that changes everything?
At thirty-one, Koichi is not not much further than he was at sixteen, or eighteen, but that is to be expected when you don't have a life and your entire existence circles around someone else.
He has not made it up the ranks like Higashiyama did, but that is mainly because behind the doors time passes slowly and if you do a good job it can be yours until you die.
Higashiyama is doing a very good job.
Koichi is well-respected however, and he has an understudy called Hideaki who follows him to observe his technique in dealing with Tsuyoshi.
Hideaki's person is much younger than him, still an infant, but already assigned to him, because the plan took a long time to form, to show what Hideaki was destined to become, and if he would have capabilities to take care of this small human being, Tsubasa.
"Isn't there ever a time where you can stop looking after Tsuyoshi?" Hideaki asks Koichi as they follow Tsuyoshi through the doors of a café.
"I mean, he's doing well for himself now, right?"
Koichi nods.
"I don't have to interfere a lot any more, but the plan might always change, or he might make a bad decision. It's my responsibility to be around when that happens."
Hideaki juts out his bottom lip in thought.
"What if you didn't like him?"
Koichi chuckles at that. He knows Hideaki is worried about just that, a tiny thing amongst all the things he could be worried about and probably should be There is no need for him to get on with Tsubasa, they are not meant to meet, they don't have to share any ideals or likes, Tsubasa is nothing but Hideaki's job.
Yet there is no one who understands Hideaki's concerns better than Koichi does.
"Sit down and stop staring at him," he whispers, and Hideaki's head whips back fast enough that for a moment he might have been in serious danger of whiplash.
"Sorry."
"It's okay."
After many years of being too afraid to leave his own house, Tsuyoshi finally seems to be where he deserved to be, not an idol but a highly successful musician in his own right.
Koichi doesn't want to leave him, especially not now that he has finally recovered.
He has missed the smiles and jokes Tsuyoshi used to exchange with people, hasn't seen his face in years.
Tsuyoshi hid in his room with Koichi on the other side of it, because some doors were not meant to be opened even by him.
Now Tsuyoshi has arrived, and he spends every day with new people and wears colourful clothes that match his personality, and all seems well.
Koichi however has not forgotten, and he knows that no matter how hard Tsuyoshi might try, no
matter how convincing his attitude might be to other people, Koichi has seen him take his medication in secret and had to let him cry in the isolation of his own empty house.
It is selfish, but it is Koichi's first own desire: watching is not enough any more.
He wants to pose his own questions and find the answers to them himself, wants to stop obeying and start experiencing.
The only person he knows is not even aware of his existence.
A waiter comes over to ask Hideaki what he would like to drink while automatically writing down the usual for Koichi - a cola and a coffee for Domoto Tsuyoshi on the table over there.
It is an established system, and Hideaki has never noticed it before.
The waiter arrives with their drinks, then nods at Koichi before walking over to Tsuyoshi with his coffee.
Koichi looks at Tsuyoshi with such concentration that his brow begins to furrow slowly.
Hideaki blinks at him.
"What, did you...? Is this one of your tests where I should have noticed you have subtly changed something?"
"No," Koichi growls in response, angry at having given himself away so easily.
Hideaki is paying attention now, and he doesn't miss the moment Koichi and Tsuyoshi lock eyes.
"Go," Koichi whispers, and Hideaki gets up abruptly.
"What do you mean?" he hisses back, "We should both get out of here!"
Koichi knows that, but he sees Tsuyoshi push himself to his feet, not breaking eye contact once.
"Go," he repeats, "I can handle this. There is a space where you can open a door for yourself if you turn left twice at the first corner."
Hideaki gets up, still visibly torn between wanting to witness whatever is going to take place, and his fear of being involved in any of it, so Koichi turns and pushes him towards the door.
Just then someone taps him lightly on the shoulder.
"Hey."
Koichi would recognise the voice anywhere. He has spent the last fifteen years listening to it.
"You are the person who always sends the waiter over with a coffee for me, right?"
Koichi keeps his face neutral, despite of how overwhelmed he feels.
This is the first time Tsuyoshi has spoken to him, and it is the first time he gets caught, and willingly so.
He knew the risks.
He should not have done this.
He has broken all the rules, and looking at Tsuyoshi's face, he knows he's going to break some more.
Tsuyoshi is smiling, politely ignoring the way Koichi is practically gaping at him, possibly because he is used to people becoming flustered in his presence.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
Koichi tilts his head just the slightest bit to the side, uncertain whether or not answering with the truth would be a good idea.
"It's okay," Tsuyoshi reassures him, hands raised towards him in a defensive gesture, his eyebrows raised, and Koichi realises that this is a new situation for both of them.
"Please just tell me you're not one of those creepy stalker fans. I mean, even then I would probably be honoured, you'd be my first, you see, but... oh dear."
Tsuyoshi stops himself with visible effort and takes a deep breath, and Koichi finds it endearing, his age-old habit of just stopping short of babbling.
He decides on nodding and reassuring Tsuyoshi that it is not his intention to stalk anyone.
"Not many people come here, you know," Tsuyoshi says, "And the occasional fan just comes up to me for whatever it is they want, if they dare to, and then they leave, but you... you have practically been courting me these past few weeks!"
Koichi's eyes widen in surprise, which Tsuyoshi answers with an even broader smile.
"I mean," he continues, "How can that even be, you always being here at the exact moment I am.."
"So you're not quite sure I'm not a stalker after all?" Koichi quips, and is rewarded with a genuinely amused laugh.
"Maybe I believe in fate," the other man replies easily, his eyes still sparkling.
Koichi feels very unusual, confused and yet startlingly aware of everything that is going on around him, and he is happy while feeling like a terrible liar at the same time, and just looking at Tsuyoshi makes his blood run hot and then cold again.
"Do you want to sit with me?" Tsuyoshi asks, " My colleague just left. I mean, unless you were about to leave, too. I saw your friend leave..."
"Wait a moment," Koichi tells him and pulls a small leather-bound book from his bag, pretending to check for prior engagements.
It is Tsuyoshi's plan, written in a language only the men in suits learn to read, lines of different colours constantly crossing, inflection points marking important decisions.
There is a big pulsing red dot on right this moment in Tsuyoshi's life, symbolising an inflection that could either lead him back on track of what the plan sees fit for him, or have him divert from the plan, into unmapped territory.
It is Tsuyoshi's plan, but marvellously enough, it is Koichi's decision that will change it.
He snaps the book closed.
"I would love to."
**
Talking to Tsuyoshi is as easily as it is unexpectedly difficult.
Tsuyoshi easily finds subject, mostly things related to his interests, and while Koichi knows everything there is to know about the things Tsuyoshi favours in order to be able to determine how he might react towards them, he doesn't have an opinion on any of them.
There are may things on earth Koichi has never seen simply because Tsuyoshi hasn't, and so while Tsuyoshi marvels at how many things they apparently have in common, Koichi feels guilty for merely echoing him.
Koichi has knowledge, but he lacks feeling and the ability to express himself, but maybe Tsuyoshi thinks it's clumsiness or he simply doesn't pay too much attention, but Koichi wonders what it must feel like to like something, not people because he can tell he likes Tsuyoshi and in a certain way Hideaki, too, but he doesn't have any preferences or desires or even something as simply as a hobby, as you would expect from someone whose only purpose i life it is to be someone else's shadow.
In order to become a fully rounded human he needs help, help that no one can provide him with.
A soft touch to his fingers pulls him from his thoughts.
Tsuyoshi has touched his hand from across the table.
"What are you thinking, huh?" Tsuyoshi asks him, his voice as soft as his touch, and he leans his chin onto one hand and just blinks at Koichi a couple of times.
"Sorry," Koichi breathes, and there it is, a new kind of feeling, red hot in the pit of his stomach, and it feels as if his chest is contracting, as if something is searing right through him the moment he looks at the other man.
"I---"
"No, it's fine," Tsuyoshi interrupts him and makes a dismissive gesture with his free hand before straightening.
"It's late, and I have already ignored several of my manager's phone calls. I should give him a break."
"You have---" Koichi starts again, but Tsuyoshi's wink is all the answer he needs.
They pay and gather up their jackets, and by the time they are outside Koichi realises that the sun has just set.
Tsuyoshi suddenly grabs his wrist.
"Come here for a moment," he whispers and pulls Koichi into a corner with him, hidden from view.
"I'm crazy, I'm definitely crazy," he mumbles and runs a hand through his hair, and that is all the warning Koichi gets before he is being pulled into a kiss.
Koichi has never kissed anyone.
He has watched Tsuyoshi kiss other people, and they have watched other people kiss, but now he is kissing someone, he is kissing Tsuyoshi, and the thought sends such a jolt through him that he moans in surprise.
It seems to bring Tsuyoshi to his senses because he suddenly backs away from Koichi and into a wall, but Koichi can't help but instinctively follow him and pull him back in with both hands resting on the sides of his head.
Tsuyoshi grabs Koichi's hips and moves closer, their bodies now touching from head to toe.
Koichi, who even after all these years never had a real chance to experience this rather bold side of the other man, tries to resist the tongue that is gently but determinedly licking at his closed lips, but he feels all resolve melting away and opens up to Tsuyoshi.
Tsuyoshi presses even closer and Koichi stumbles into him, sending the other man against the wall with a thud, and even though he hears Tsuyoshi bump his head the exhale that follows it is a soft giggle that makes Koichi break contact long enough to reach up and touch the back of Tsuyoshi's head in slight concern.
When he doesn't feel any bruise he lets his hand trail down Tsuyoshi's head to feel his hair and to gently tuck a strand of it behind his ear.
Tsuyoshi is watching him intently through wide, glassy eyes until he dives in again, pecking and nipping at Koichi's lips while his hands roam the other's back.
They exchange one last kiss, but now that he is flushed and out of breath Koichi can't stop staring at him, and the feeling in his chest comes back more forcefully than before.
"I..." Tsuyoshi pants, "I normally don't do this, I'm not that kind of person, you see, I..."
He looks confused, a bit frantic, and it takes Koichi a considerable amount of willpower not to tell him that he knows, that he probably knows enough about Tsuyoshi to be able to tell exactly how much he has just surprised himself.
"And..." Tsuyoshi continues in a shaky voice, "I know this is a stupid thing to ask... and you could probably lie about this but... Please tell me you didn't kiss me back because I am famous and this will be all over the news tomorrow... oh, I wasn't thinking at all, was I? It's just that... I have never felt this way before. You will think me an idiot for saying this but it is like you have short-circuited my brain and---"
"Hey," Koichi finally interrupts him, placing two firm hands on his shoulders,
"Me too. I have never... not like this, ever."
Tsuyoshi shudders visibly.
"I want to see you again," he gasps, and Koichi just nods in response.
"I'll... give you my number."
Tsuyoshi starts rummaging through his pockets for a pen and a scrap of paper, and comes up with the café's receipt.
Koichi can't possibly tell him he doesn't own a phone. He will find a way.
"Here. Call me," he says as he hands Koichi the receipt and the hopefulness in his eyes borders on ridiculous.
"Yeah," Koichi says, mostly to reassure him, "Yeah."
"I have to go," Tsuyoshi says, and for a moment it looks as if he wants to kiss Koichi again, but then backs away instead and leaves.
Koichi looks after him for a moment and when he is sure that Tsuyoshi is really gone, starts feeling across the war for a door that he could open to the other side.
Finally he finds a knob for those doors only the men in suits can open in order to access their world, and pushes through.
"Ah, Koichi-san. We have been waiting for you."
Fandom: Kinki Kids
Pairing: Tsuyoshi/Koichi
Rating: up to NC-17 eventually
Summary: It is Koichi's job to make Tsuyoshi's life go according to plan, but what if he is the very reason that changes everything?
At thirty-one, Koichi is not not much further than he was at sixteen, or eighteen, but that is to be expected when you don't have a life and your entire existence circles around someone else.
He has not made it up the ranks like Higashiyama did, but that is mainly because behind the doors time passes slowly and if you do a good job it can be yours until you die.
Higashiyama is doing a very good job.
Koichi is well-respected however, and he has an understudy called Hideaki who follows him to observe his technique in dealing with Tsuyoshi.
Hideaki's person is much younger than him, still an infant, but already assigned to him, because the plan took a long time to form, to show what Hideaki was destined to become, and if he would have capabilities to take care of this small human being, Tsubasa.
"Isn't there ever a time where you can stop looking after Tsuyoshi?" Hideaki asks Koichi as they follow Tsuyoshi through the doors of a café.
"I mean, he's doing well for himself now, right?"
Koichi nods.
"I don't have to interfere a lot any more, but the plan might always change, or he might make a bad decision. It's my responsibility to be around when that happens."
Hideaki juts out his bottom lip in thought.
"What if you didn't like him?"
Koichi chuckles at that. He knows Hideaki is worried about just that, a tiny thing amongst all the things he could be worried about and probably should be There is no need for him to get on with Tsubasa, they are not meant to meet, they don't have to share any ideals or likes, Tsubasa is nothing but Hideaki's job.
Yet there is no one who understands Hideaki's concerns better than Koichi does.
"Sit down and stop staring at him," he whispers, and Hideaki's head whips back fast enough that for a moment he might have been in serious danger of whiplash.
"Sorry."
"It's okay."
After many years of being too afraid to leave his own house, Tsuyoshi finally seems to be where he deserved to be, not an idol but a highly successful musician in his own right.
Koichi doesn't want to leave him, especially not now that he has finally recovered.
He has missed the smiles and jokes Tsuyoshi used to exchange with people, hasn't seen his face in years.
Tsuyoshi hid in his room with Koichi on the other side of it, because some doors were not meant to be opened even by him.
Now Tsuyoshi has arrived, and he spends every day with new people and wears colourful clothes that match his personality, and all seems well.
Koichi however has not forgotten, and he knows that no matter how hard Tsuyoshi might try, no
matter how convincing his attitude might be to other people, Koichi has seen him take his medication in secret and had to let him cry in the isolation of his own empty house.
It is selfish, but it is Koichi's first own desire: watching is not enough any more.
He wants to pose his own questions and find the answers to them himself, wants to stop obeying and start experiencing.
The only person he knows is not even aware of his existence.
A waiter comes over to ask Hideaki what he would like to drink while automatically writing down the usual for Koichi - a cola and a coffee for Domoto Tsuyoshi on the table over there.
It is an established system, and Hideaki has never noticed it before.
The waiter arrives with their drinks, then nods at Koichi before walking over to Tsuyoshi with his coffee.
Koichi looks at Tsuyoshi with such concentration that his brow begins to furrow slowly.
Hideaki blinks at him.
"What, did you...? Is this one of your tests where I should have noticed you have subtly changed something?"
"No," Koichi growls in response, angry at having given himself away so easily.
Hideaki is paying attention now, and he doesn't miss the moment Koichi and Tsuyoshi lock eyes.
"Go," Koichi whispers, and Hideaki gets up abruptly.
"What do you mean?" he hisses back, "We should both get out of here!"
Koichi knows that, but he sees Tsuyoshi push himself to his feet, not breaking eye contact once.
"Go," he repeats, "I can handle this. There is a space where you can open a door for yourself if you turn left twice at the first corner."
Hideaki gets up, still visibly torn between wanting to witness whatever is going to take place, and his fear of being involved in any of it, so Koichi turns and pushes him towards the door.
Just then someone taps him lightly on the shoulder.
"Hey."
Koichi would recognise the voice anywhere. He has spent the last fifteen years listening to it.
"You are the person who always sends the waiter over with a coffee for me, right?"
Koichi keeps his face neutral, despite of how overwhelmed he feels.
This is the first time Tsuyoshi has spoken to him, and it is the first time he gets caught, and willingly so.
He knew the risks.
He should not have done this.
He has broken all the rules, and looking at Tsuyoshi's face, he knows he's going to break some more.
Tsuyoshi is smiling, politely ignoring the way Koichi is practically gaping at him, possibly because he is used to people becoming flustered in his presence.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
Koichi tilts his head just the slightest bit to the side, uncertain whether or not answering with the truth would be a good idea.
"It's okay," Tsuyoshi reassures him, hands raised towards him in a defensive gesture, his eyebrows raised, and Koichi realises that this is a new situation for both of them.
"Please just tell me you're not one of those creepy stalker fans. I mean, even then I would probably be honoured, you'd be my first, you see, but... oh dear."
Tsuyoshi stops himself with visible effort and takes a deep breath, and Koichi finds it endearing, his age-old habit of just stopping short of babbling.
He decides on nodding and reassuring Tsuyoshi that it is not his intention to stalk anyone.
"Not many people come here, you know," Tsuyoshi says, "And the occasional fan just comes up to me for whatever it is they want, if they dare to, and then they leave, but you... you have practically been courting me these past few weeks!"
Koichi's eyes widen in surprise, which Tsuyoshi answers with an even broader smile.
"I mean," he continues, "How can that even be, you always being here at the exact moment I am.."
"So you're not quite sure I'm not a stalker after all?" Koichi quips, and is rewarded with a genuinely amused laugh.
"Maybe I believe in fate," the other man replies easily, his eyes still sparkling.
Koichi feels very unusual, confused and yet startlingly aware of everything that is going on around him, and he is happy while feeling like a terrible liar at the same time, and just looking at Tsuyoshi makes his blood run hot and then cold again.
"Do you want to sit with me?" Tsuyoshi asks, " My colleague just left. I mean, unless you were about to leave, too. I saw your friend leave..."
"Wait a moment," Koichi tells him and pulls a small leather-bound book from his bag, pretending to check for prior engagements.
It is Tsuyoshi's plan, written in a language only the men in suits learn to read, lines of different colours constantly crossing, inflection points marking important decisions.
There is a big pulsing red dot on right this moment in Tsuyoshi's life, symbolising an inflection that could either lead him back on track of what the plan sees fit for him, or have him divert from the plan, into unmapped territory.
It is Tsuyoshi's plan, but marvellously enough, it is Koichi's decision that will change it.
He snaps the book closed.
"I would love to."
**
Talking to Tsuyoshi is as easily as it is unexpectedly difficult.
Tsuyoshi easily finds subject, mostly things related to his interests, and while Koichi knows everything there is to know about the things Tsuyoshi favours in order to be able to determine how he might react towards them, he doesn't have an opinion on any of them.
There are may things on earth Koichi has never seen simply because Tsuyoshi hasn't, and so while Tsuyoshi marvels at how many things they apparently have in common, Koichi feels guilty for merely echoing him.
Koichi has knowledge, but he lacks feeling and the ability to express himself, but maybe Tsuyoshi thinks it's clumsiness or he simply doesn't pay too much attention, but Koichi wonders what it must feel like to like something, not people because he can tell he likes Tsuyoshi and in a certain way Hideaki, too, but he doesn't have any preferences or desires or even something as simply as a hobby, as you would expect from someone whose only purpose i life it is to be someone else's shadow.
In order to become a fully rounded human he needs help, help that no one can provide him with.
A soft touch to his fingers pulls him from his thoughts.
Tsuyoshi has touched his hand from across the table.
"What are you thinking, huh?" Tsuyoshi asks him, his voice as soft as his touch, and he leans his chin onto one hand and just blinks at Koichi a couple of times.
"Sorry," Koichi breathes, and there it is, a new kind of feeling, red hot in the pit of his stomach, and it feels as if his chest is contracting, as if something is searing right through him the moment he looks at the other man.
"I---"
"No, it's fine," Tsuyoshi interrupts him and makes a dismissive gesture with his free hand before straightening.
"It's late, and I have already ignored several of my manager's phone calls. I should give him a break."
"You have---" Koichi starts again, but Tsuyoshi's wink is all the answer he needs.
They pay and gather up their jackets, and by the time they are outside Koichi realises that the sun has just set.
Tsuyoshi suddenly grabs his wrist.
"Come here for a moment," he whispers and pulls Koichi into a corner with him, hidden from view.
"I'm crazy, I'm definitely crazy," he mumbles and runs a hand through his hair, and that is all the warning Koichi gets before he is being pulled into a kiss.
Koichi has never kissed anyone.
He has watched Tsuyoshi kiss other people, and they have watched other people kiss, but now he is kissing someone, he is kissing Tsuyoshi, and the thought sends such a jolt through him that he moans in surprise.
It seems to bring Tsuyoshi to his senses because he suddenly backs away from Koichi and into a wall, but Koichi can't help but instinctively follow him and pull him back in with both hands resting on the sides of his head.
Tsuyoshi grabs Koichi's hips and moves closer, their bodies now touching from head to toe.
Koichi, who even after all these years never had a real chance to experience this rather bold side of the other man, tries to resist the tongue that is gently but determinedly licking at his closed lips, but he feels all resolve melting away and opens up to Tsuyoshi.
Tsuyoshi presses even closer and Koichi stumbles into him, sending the other man against the wall with a thud, and even though he hears Tsuyoshi bump his head the exhale that follows it is a soft giggle that makes Koichi break contact long enough to reach up and touch the back of Tsuyoshi's head in slight concern.
When he doesn't feel any bruise he lets his hand trail down Tsuyoshi's head to feel his hair and to gently tuck a strand of it behind his ear.
Tsuyoshi is watching him intently through wide, glassy eyes until he dives in again, pecking and nipping at Koichi's lips while his hands roam the other's back.
They exchange one last kiss, but now that he is flushed and out of breath Koichi can't stop staring at him, and the feeling in his chest comes back more forcefully than before.
"I..." Tsuyoshi pants, "I normally don't do this, I'm not that kind of person, you see, I..."
He looks confused, a bit frantic, and it takes Koichi a considerable amount of willpower not to tell him that he knows, that he probably knows enough about Tsuyoshi to be able to tell exactly how much he has just surprised himself.
"And..." Tsuyoshi continues in a shaky voice, "I know this is a stupid thing to ask... and you could probably lie about this but... Please tell me you didn't kiss me back because I am famous and this will be all over the news tomorrow... oh, I wasn't thinking at all, was I? It's just that... I have never felt this way before. You will think me an idiot for saying this but it is like you have short-circuited my brain and---"
"Hey," Koichi finally interrupts him, placing two firm hands on his shoulders,
"Me too. I have never... not like this, ever."
Tsuyoshi shudders visibly.
"I want to see you again," he gasps, and Koichi just nods in response.
"I'll... give you my number."
Tsuyoshi starts rummaging through his pockets for a pen and a scrap of paper, and comes up with the café's receipt.
Koichi can't possibly tell him he doesn't own a phone. He will find a way.
"Here. Call me," he says as he hands Koichi the receipt and the hopefulness in his eyes borders on ridiculous.
"Yeah," Koichi says, mostly to reassure him, "Yeah."
"I have to go," Tsuyoshi says, and for a moment it looks as if he wants to kiss Koichi again, but then backs away instead and leaves.
Koichi looks after him for a moment and when he is sure that Tsuyoshi is really gone, starts feeling across the war for a door that he could open to the other side.
Finally he finds a knob for those doors only the men in suits can open in order to access their world, and pushes through.
"Ah, Koichi-san. We have been waiting for you."