(no subject)
i'm having dreams so vivid that i wish i could forget them. I am scared that it is happening to me again. Nikki once said she would bielve her dreams cuz she had this weird dream where we were all in some play and in the play i was satbbing her in her back like only acting and she died or something. It really freaked me out when she told me cuz i knew what i had just done. 2nd worst thing i have ever done and if i were going to have regrets that would be one of them. But anywhoo. if this dream is insight into what will unfold god help me.
my horoscope today says that i will get a crush on teh friend of a friend and that person may feel the same as i do. i think i already know who it is cuz i talkedmyself out of going into this womans office today and chatting about what she and i do as work and leaving my business card. i don't know her name but we speak and smile all the time. and i saw her in s4 one night in dallas! and she looked shocked to see me there but then got over it quickly and seemed relieved and kinda glad and smiled excitedly waving hey back to me. i never forgot that and she was always much more friendly to me after that. not in a flirting way at all. i even told my boss about her once and she was kind alike you should say something buti'm not that person usually and now i wouldn't ever but i still think about it. i guess writing this kinda helps me put into perspective that just becuase your in a relationship with soemone doesn't mean you won't still sometimes have crushes or feelings for someone else. but the thing is you don't act on them i guess....i dunno. i dunno what to think either...i wanna be fine but i'm not fine at the moment. give me 4 hours. i wanna feel secure but i don't. i wanan not beat myself up when the subject arises cuz i really think that my emtions should be validated but i tend to turn my own finger back to me..
my horoscope today says that i will get a crush on teh friend of a friend and that person may feel the same as i do. i think i already know who it is cuz i talkedmyself out of going into this womans office today and chatting about what she and i do as work and leaving my business card. i don't know her name but we speak and smile all the time. and i saw her in s4 one night in dallas! and she looked shocked to see me there but then got over it quickly and seemed relieved and kinda glad and smiled excitedly waving hey back to me. i never forgot that and she was always much more friendly to me after that. not in a flirting way at all. i even told my boss about her once and she was kind alike you should say something buti'm not that person usually and now i wouldn't ever but i still think about it. i guess writing this kinda helps me put into perspective that just becuase your in a relationship with soemone doesn't mean you won't still sometimes have crushes or feelings for someone else. but the thing is you don't act on them i guess....i dunno. i dunno what to think either...i wanna be fine but i'm not fine at the moment. give me 4 hours. i wanna feel secure but i don't. i wanan not beat myself up when the subject arises cuz i really think that my emtions should be validated but i tend to turn my own finger back to me..