風邪を引かないように気をつけてね！
I've technically survived two winters in Japan now (It is apparently spring now! Nevermind the below freezing weather and foot of snow!) and thus I am a fount of knowledge on surviving Japnanese winters. Rule number 1 of Japanese winters: Japanese winters suck. Here's how you fix that.
A Very Siwious Guide to Surviving Winter in Japan
- Live in Okinawa.
- For god's sake, don't live in Hokkaidou.
- Never look at your energy bill. Authorize your gas and electricity companies to take as much money out of your bank account as they want, and be thankful they're taking it and providing you with blessed, blessed heat.
- If you're using an oil heater, do NOT crack open a window to let in fresh air. The oil companies tell you to do so because they want you to buy more oil. Never listen to big oil.
- Sleep under your kotatsu. Anyone who says it's bad for you is an agent for big oil and should not be trusted.
- You don't want central heating in your home. Central heating is for the weak! And if you have central heating, you probably live in Hokkaidou, and I've already told you not to do that.
- Don't be a Japanese school girl. If you absolutely MUST be one, then you should at least crossdress to avoid having to wear a skirt all the time. If even crossdressing is impossible, then be one of those girls who puts on trackpants under her skirt or ties a sweater around her legs. It's not fashionable but it's better than frostbitten legs. And for god's sake don't hike your skirt up. Silly Japanese school girls.
- Actually, don't be a Japanese person at all. If you are a Japanese person, communal suffering is your national sport.
- Speaking of suffering, schadenfreude can really warm you up. Try to attend one of those winter festivals in which men wearing naught but a loin cloth run around in the snow and have icy water thrown at them and who fight a hundred other loin cloth-wearing men for the privilege to climb a rope and sit on an icy metal bar at the top, king of the naked man hill. If you watch one of these festivals, you will definitely feel all warm and tingly inside.
- Don't do juudou, kyuudou, aikidou, any kind of martial artsy -dou thing. Trust me on this. Remember, suffering = national sport.
- "Japan has four seasons." Don't believe the hype.
- Ski (ga) suki? No.
- It's a good idea to leave your car running with no one in it whenever you have to do small errands, like grocery shopping, attending a few classes, climbing a mountain, etc. If you don't, your car will immediately become cold and lonely. Or something.
- Constantly talk about how many people have the flu (pronounced "infuruenza") in your area and compare how many people have the flu now compared to last week and last year and how many people have it in the next town over and agh it's scary let's wear a mask to protect ourselves waaaa!
- If you're from a country that is perceived as "cold" (eg: Canada), prepare to be asked to compare the temperature of your home country with that of Japan again and AGAIN and AGAIN...by the SAME PEOPLE OVER AND OVER.
- "Samui desu ne!" "Mmm, samui desu." "Kaze hiiteinai?" "Mada daijoubu desu." "O daiji ni." (times infinity)
Owari.
A Very Siwious Guide to Surviving Winter in Japan
- Live in Okinawa.
- For god's sake, don't live in Hokkaidou.
- Never look at your energy bill. Authorize your gas and electricity companies to take as much money out of your bank account as they want, and be thankful they're taking it and providing you with blessed, blessed heat.
- If you're using an oil heater, do NOT crack open a window to let in fresh air. The oil companies tell you to do so because they want you to buy more oil. Never listen to big oil.
- Sleep under your kotatsu. Anyone who says it's bad for you is an agent for big oil and should not be trusted.
- You don't want central heating in your home. Central heating is for the weak! And if you have central heating, you probably live in Hokkaidou, and I've already told you not to do that.
- Don't be a Japanese school girl. If you absolutely MUST be one, then you should at least crossdress to avoid having to wear a skirt all the time. If even crossdressing is impossible, then be one of those girls who puts on trackpants under her skirt or ties a sweater around her legs. It's not fashionable but it's better than frostbitten legs. And for god's sake don't hike your skirt up. Silly Japanese school girls.
- Actually, don't be a Japanese person at all. If you are a Japanese person, communal suffering is your national sport.
- Speaking of suffering, schadenfreude can really warm you up. Try to attend one of those winter festivals in which men wearing naught but a loin cloth run around in the snow and have icy water thrown at them and who fight a hundred other loin cloth-wearing men for the privilege to climb a rope and sit on an icy metal bar at the top, king of the naked man hill. If you watch one of these festivals, you will definitely feel all warm and tingly inside.
- Don't do juudou, kyuudou, aikidou, any kind of martial artsy -dou thing. Trust me on this. Remember, suffering = national sport.
- "Japan has four seasons." Don't believe the hype.
- Ski (ga) suki? No.
- It's a good idea to leave your car running with no one in it whenever you have to do small errands, like grocery shopping, attending a few classes, climbing a mountain, etc. If you don't, your car will immediately become cold and lonely. Or something.
- Constantly talk about how many people have the flu (pronounced "infuruenza") in your area and compare how many people have the flu now compared to last week and last year and how many people have it in the next town over and agh it's scary let's wear a mask to protect ourselves waaaa!
- If you're from a country that is perceived as "cold" (eg: Canada), prepare to be asked to compare the temperature of your home country with that of Japan again and AGAIN and AGAIN...by the SAME PEOPLE OVER AND OVER.
- "Samui desu ne!" "Mmm, samui desu." "Kaze hiiteinai?" "Mada daijoubu desu." "O daiji ni." (times infinity)
Owari.