i'm not a pop princess but .... crossroads
so many things have been fluttering through my head. this past week has been such a blur. seriously, i <3 beer and pot! haha no seriously if it wouldnt kill you and ruin your ambitions i would do it for a living. anyway i'm back home (eep) and i musst say i already am sufficently bored. all i wanna do is go out. however there is no one to go out with :( i'm in the holiday funk-a-thon. so i'm bitchy and moody and really just want to sleep and get drunk and smoke pot and do absolutely nothing. minus the pot thats what i've been doing. i've just been sad. i dunno why... so yea i'll be back in edinburg in a wk and a half and i intend on visting my amigo and some peeps of mine in edinburg are throwing a club kids party. so i need an inspiration b/c i wanna look the best. duh! i have no new years plans as of now; however i do have a new years resolution. to make a change. which leads me to the next topic. i'm moving again. kingsville. just to graduate then hopefully san marcos for graduate school. its pretty much a done deal. i'm moving back home in the summer, gonna work my ass off to save up dinero and i wanna start fall 07'. i'm gonna apply in a month to A&M (gross! longhorns all the way baby! even though its not the good A&M you know what i mean) and yea. i feel like i've got things in order again. i dont feel like i'm totally fuckin crazy and i have a purpose agian. hopefully i wont fuck it up this time. i know what i mean. anyway thats it. araceli's relationship and bullshit gets on my nerves and i'm so tired of putting fuel in our friendship. i'm bitchy but in a way i'm serious. things as of lately (maybe its just my funk)have been bothering me. its funny when you realize one day you dont have many friends who you can completely rely on. and even at that you can never rely on anyone. changes, adulthood, time to stop fucking around. how are you expected to become a grown up and get your shit together when you feel alone. i dotn know what the fuck my point is, except that i feel alone and i'm in a mega funk. i just wanna move already and leave everything behind. maybe even some people. it all seems so fake sometimes. even the ones closest to you seem fake. i dont mean you (you know) so dont take this to heart, i love you, but i just feel real crappy about nothing imparticular. whatever the new year is around the corner and my move will be here in no time. please let this year be a good one. no disappointments, no bullshit, just good stuff. delusional yes but i just wanna change in my life. i feel so unfulfilled, dumb, and empty :(