speak up...

[float_the_fishy]

maybe people miss the
this isn't my fault
bit
the
i'm trying
bit
and the
what more do you want from me
bit
cuz i know they're not getting
the stay away from me
vibes
and the
i don't trust you
attidude
the people who i
don't
want to talk to
are the only ones
who actually pay attention
how's that for coincidence
i don't like you
end of story
i don't trust you
get it now
i know you'll never know
i'm talking to you
when i say
let me fuck my own life up
but i know hear me
when i say thank you
this isn't what i had in mind
when people said
depression
i thought it was only a
mental state
i didn't know it could influence
physical health
they say
god condemns
all those who
don't help themselves
but what about
the times when he's shoved it
right in my face
the times when
i've gotten better
only to be dragged down
by people expecting me
to be depressed
i want to be alone
yet i want someone to hold me
i don't want you to care
yet i want someone to worry
i don't want emotions
yet i want to feel this
i condridict myself
because life is a contradiction
they say we're alive
when every breath we take
is one breath closer to dying
they say we're free
when we all imprison ourselves
within ourselves
it's called contradiction
it's called depression
it's called false apathy
you don't want to care
because you don't want to be hurt
but you care
about being hurt
cuz pain
is just a reminder
of how good
pleasure can feel
loneliness
is the only way
you can appreciate
company
but fuck dreams
fuck midnight screams
fuck those times when
nothing's ok
those times
when you're holding on for them
when you're holding back for them
when you're holding in for them
it's those times
when you can really say
i'm not here for me anymore
i've turned into you now
and i want myself back
cuz i'm holding on for you
holding back for you
holding in for you
and you don't even know
cuz it's your face
that i see in my mirror
and your body
that will lie in my grave