coming back to center
I had a tremendous experience this week - I had my first (that I can remember) migraine!
I don't know if anyone reading this has ever had a migraine, but it really made me quite miserable. I'm not sure if there are any psychological side effects to having one of these, but I spent part of last week in a miserable depression. It was a really hard funk to work through. As I kept talking about how I felt (band of pain around my head, nauseous, and just miserable) Michele kept thinking that it could have been a sinus headache, and when the sinus headache meds didn't work she said migraine and had me try one of those - bing! Better! Life is happy again! It's so good to feel good again - to not feel uncomfortable (too hot, too cold), to not be miserable - and even if I do have migraines, at least I know what they are and how to take care of them. Apparently my dad had these too...
I've been battling with myself over this next point for quite some time. Part of me wants to hide in myself, and the other part of myself wants to know what it's like, wants to stop hiding in my body, behind my fat, to take pride in my body. I would really like to be comfortable in my skin instead of fearing putting on what used to be my loose jeans because they're now too tight. I don't want to feel unworthy when I go to the mall - or avoid the mall for that matter. There's a part of me that feels like it's superficial and shallow of me to want to feel good about my body and my looks, but there's another part of me that isn't happy with my body or my looks - and it's not fair to me or anyone around me, because I'm not acting like myself because I'm too caught up in feeling something that doesn't benefit anyone. I'm giving myself permission to care about my body, my looks, my physical appearance.
Ok - good to get that out. in 45 mins my mom will be here to take me to a bridal shower for a childhood friend. Time to get ready!