aftermath
after three years, i am being thrown back into the ocean. we've both agreed that it's best for the both of us to end our romantic relationship and go back to being friends (if that is at all possible). although the decision was mutual, our reasons for breaking up were very different. for the past couple of months, i tried to ignore and repress the uneasy feelings brewing inside of me. buried deep within my heart, however, was the sad realization that he had probably fallen out of love with me a long time ago.
i am still in love with him, and each passing day has proven more and more difficult to cope and move on. i know that i don't want to remain in a relationship with someone who isn't in love with me anymore, but i can't help but look back and wonder if there was anything i could have done better to make things work out between us.
it would be presumptuous to say that he appears happy and relieved knowing it's over between us, but he appears to be taking everything in stride. i am not so fortunate. i stifle the heartache and try to feign indifference when i am around him and our friends. when the door closes and i find myself alone, however, the hurt overwhelms me. i am consumed by the grief and the heartache, and as i drown in my tears, all i can think of is how much i want him back.