(no subject)
It's a wedding...and I'm the gay one...but no one knows...or at least I don't think they know.
The day starts off with dad and Marco picking me up and we "try" to go on a little excursion to show Marco a little bit of the city since they haven't explored it since they were a family. Dad kept on blurting out locales to stop at (Lombard Street, the wharf, etc.) but all we ended up doing was driving through Chinatown and watching my fellow black-haired Asians shop for the day's vegetables and fruits and hanging roasted ducks and pigs. So much family fun!!! All the while, dad is trying to explain to me the job description of being a broker for him. I have a hard time grasping this chance as a positive opportunity due to the fact that it's a lucrative job, I'd be working for family, and it isn't fully using my skills I've learned from college. It just irritates me that it's a greedy man's job and I just don't want to turn out like him: all about money, what kind of house he has, what he drives, what he brings home, etc. I just want to have a career I feel good about most of the time when I get home for the day and am able to pay the bills, fill my pantries, and have a little extra to save away.
We drive back to the hotel and we get breakfast where dad is pretty much silent while Marco is playing his new PSP while we eat. C'mon, kid...don't you know manners? We head back to their hotel room where Maricar and lil' Erika are getting ready and dressed for the wedding. The family kind of sickens me and it sickens me even more to know that I share similar bloodlines with them. I'm a critical bitch, but they are trying to live all fancy but doing it in a fresh-of-the-boat way and definitely not succeeding in having any sort of class or style. God I'm a bitch.
The Ramos clan zips over to the church and we see all the family and friends gathered. Alex (the groom and my cousin) is all decked out in his official naval officer's uniform, sword and all. All the little cousins are decked out as flower girls, the ring bearer, and the coin bearer. The bridesmaids were all wearing a pastel purple which was kind of ok. The ceremony was not too big, not to small, but was a traditional Filipino Catholic wedding with the candle lighting, coin giving, ring giving, veil covering, rope binding, communion eating deal. All I could think about while all of this was going on was that I will never have that opportunity cause I like men. Alex and I are a year apart, him being the elder, and we've always been in contention as who's going to be the top dog with grades, activities, scholarships, jobs, life, etc., and he's absolutely upped me one with this marriage and I'll always be behind now. It was kinda painful to watch knowing that I'll never get to do that, that I'll never have the support of my entire family if I were to become "married," that my ceremony would be totally different, that it wouldn't be recognized in my own country as a legitimate relationship. I dunno. I kind of sucks. No...it really sucks. I feel that if one is capable of doing something (all legalitites put aside), whether it be walking a straight line, performing an open heart surgery, or choosing to get married, then by all means, GO FOR IT. I've been very fortunate to not have faced many obstacles being a minority in this country and achieving what I have done in my short life, and having this whole marriage thing be an obstacle irritates the shit out of me. Oh well...all I can do is aid in the efforts of HRC and equality and hope for the best.
We head back to the hotel where the reception is being held and wait for 2 hours for everything to get set up and all I do is play Gameboy with Marco and watch TV cause there was nothing else to do while we waited. When it was finally time, we all headed into the ballroom and sat at our respective tables. I had to be grandma's escort during the procession and escort her to her seat since I am the second oldest grandson. The food was moderate, nothing too fancy. Grandma kept on complaining that it wasn't cooked well and it tasted bad (this all coming from a restaurant owner). The frickin' entertainment took forever cause everyone just wanted to dance and drink and be merry. Lil' Charli did a hip-hop number which was great. There were a few Hawaiian dances which I'm always in awe from because of the control and gentleness of the dance. There was a surprise number from a teenager who totally beatboxed for the married couple and that was SO GOOD!!! Then finally the dancing...oh the dancing. Everyone just wanted to get out there and do it. My ex-aunt Marlee is a dance instructor and does hip-hop and is so good, it was finally nice to have someone that I could keep up with rather than people trying to keep up with me. She taught me a few moves and busted out many that I couldn't do. She was my partner for cha-cha, salsa, and the electric slide. And it was funny cause all of the elders were watching cause we were the only two that could dance well and we totally were cutting a rug out on the floor. Heart her.
The night ended when dad finally sobered up and was able to drive me back to Rich's for the night. It was an ok experience. Would I do it again? Maybe. It was nice to see family and friends together, but I would change the feeling of being the gay one at the wedding even if they didn't know about me. There is that little feeling of security when you know that people know about your sexuality and are comfortable with it and I wish that were present there. Rethinking the possibility of that side of the family finding out about me before they are all lying on their deathbeds.
K...off to enjoy a beautiful day here in SF!!!
The day starts off with dad and Marco picking me up and we "try" to go on a little excursion to show Marco a little bit of the city since they haven't explored it since they were a family. Dad kept on blurting out locales to stop at (Lombard Street, the wharf, etc.) but all we ended up doing was driving through Chinatown and watching my fellow black-haired Asians shop for the day's vegetables and fruits and hanging roasted ducks and pigs. So much family fun!!! All the while, dad is trying to explain to me the job description of being a broker for him. I have a hard time grasping this chance as a positive opportunity due to the fact that it's a lucrative job, I'd be working for family, and it isn't fully using my skills I've learned from college. It just irritates me that it's a greedy man's job and I just don't want to turn out like him: all about money, what kind of house he has, what he drives, what he brings home, etc. I just want to have a career I feel good about most of the time when I get home for the day and am able to pay the bills, fill my pantries, and have a little extra to save away.
We drive back to the hotel and we get breakfast where dad is pretty much silent while Marco is playing his new PSP while we eat. C'mon, kid...don't you know manners? We head back to their hotel room where Maricar and lil' Erika are getting ready and dressed for the wedding. The family kind of sickens me and it sickens me even more to know that I share similar bloodlines with them. I'm a critical bitch, but they are trying to live all fancy but doing it in a fresh-of-the-boat way and definitely not succeeding in having any sort of class or style. God I'm a bitch.
The Ramos clan zips over to the church and we see all the family and friends gathered. Alex (the groom and my cousin) is all decked out in his official naval officer's uniform, sword and all. All the little cousins are decked out as flower girls, the ring bearer, and the coin bearer. The bridesmaids were all wearing a pastel purple which was kind of ok. The ceremony was not too big, not to small, but was a traditional Filipino Catholic wedding with the candle lighting, coin giving, ring giving, veil covering, rope binding, communion eating deal. All I could think about while all of this was going on was that I will never have that opportunity cause I like men. Alex and I are a year apart, him being the elder, and we've always been in contention as who's going to be the top dog with grades, activities, scholarships, jobs, life, etc., and he's absolutely upped me one with this marriage and I'll always be behind now. It was kinda painful to watch knowing that I'll never get to do that, that I'll never have the support of my entire family if I were to become "married," that my ceremony would be totally different, that it wouldn't be recognized in my own country as a legitimate relationship. I dunno. I kind of sucks. No...it really sucks. I feel that if one is capable of doing something (all legalitites put aside), whether it be walking a straight line, performing an open heart surgery, or choosing to get married, then by all means, GO FOR IT. I've been very fortunate to not have faced many obstacles being a minority in this country and achieving what I have done in my short life, and having this whole marriage thing be an obstacle irritates the shit out of me. Oh well...all I can do is aid in the efforts of HRC and equality and hope for the best.
We head back to the hotel where the reception is being held and wait for 2 hours for everything to get set up and all I do is play Gameboy with Marco and watch TV cause there was nothing else to do while we waited. When it was finally time, we all headed into the ballroom and sat at our respective tables. I had to be grandma's escort during the procession and escort her to her seat since I am the second oldest grandson. The food was moderate, nothing too fancy. Grandma kept on complaining that it wasn't cooked well and it tasted bad (this all coming from a restaurant owner). The frickin' entertainment took forever cause everyone just wanted to dance and drink and be merry. Lil' Charli did a hip-hop number which was great. There were a few Hawaiian dances which I'm always in awe from because of the control and gentleness of the dance. There was a surprise number from a teenager who totally beatboxed for the married couple and that was SO GOOD!!! Then finally the dancing...oh the dancing. Everyone just wanted to get out there and do it. My ex-aunt Marlee is a dance instructor and does hip-hop and is so good, it was finally nice to have someone that I could keep up with rather than people trying to keep up with me. She taught me a few moves and busted out many that I couldn't do. She was my partner for cha-cha, salsa, and the electric slide. And it was funny cause all of the elders were watching cause we were the only two that could dance well and we totally were cutting a rug out on the floor. Heart her.
The night ended when dad finally sobered up and was able to drive me back to Rich's for the night. It was an ok experience. Would I do it again? Maybe. It was nice to see family and friends together, but I would change the feeling of being the gay one at the wedding even if they didn't know about me. There is that little feeling of security when you know that people know about your sexuality and are comfortable with it and I wish that were present there. Rethinking the possibility of that side of the family finding out about me before they are all lying on their deathbeds.
K...off to enjoy a beautiful day here in SF!!!