My Sadness of the Night
Here I am at home again. I didn't really want to be here, but I kinda did this time. I don't know how to explain it. I had all intentions of staying at Akron this weekend. I didnt really even contemplate coming home. Matt came to Akron to visit me yesterday, and he is usually my reason to want to go home. Then last night it was kinda lonely, just me and meg, and acacia. We had some fun, ate some stuffing, and talked to Meg's friend. That was good. Then I decided I needed to go to bed since I kept falling asleep like the whole time I was out with Matt. I went and visited Andrew for .3 seconds, and then I went in my room and went to sleep. (After a little while of staring at the wall) It was sorta lonely without Jess and that was sad, but it meant I actually slept. I got like 12 hours of sleep, which was good...no doubt. Scott called and said he wanted me to come back with him to Champion. I didnt really want to go, but then he told me that it was homecoming and I would get to see Lindsay and Shannon and everyone all dressed up, and then I could spend some time with him. Well, that sorta happened. We came home and I did my hair and ate a cinnamon sugar pretzel. It was quite good and then scott picked me up and we went to lindsay's and took pictures and then to shannons to take pictures and then to andy's. It was fun and everyone looked gorgeous. I was kinda jealous cuz they looked so happy and everyone was so pretty. I was wearing one of my lil sister's hoodies and i looked like crap. But that was ok cuz everyone was nice about it. Then I came home and Scott and I rode the 4wheeler real quick and played RollerCoaster Tycoon for like 10 minutes till my mom called. She wanted me to make mashed potatoes. So being the lazy person I am, I made some instant mashed potatoes and corn, and then we had KFC. Then Scott had to leave so I would do homework. I did some computer science work and i couldnt do it so dad tried to help me but i think he thought i was stupid. I couldnt remember anything and he kept telling me that we just talked about how to do it. So he got frustrated with me and that made me really frustrated with myself. I cant do something that I didnt get taught. Then he told me that he taught himself by reading my book. And that made me feel like crap cuz I seriously tried to understand it by myself. So then I was doing all I could to keep from crying and it wasnt exactly working. So I took a walk around the house and then i went back to working on it. Daddio came over and tried to help me again but by that point i just sucked at life and i couldnt get anything right. So he went to bed and I am supposed to be trying it right now. But I cant. Cuz Im too upset. I called my bf to calm myself down and to see how his night at Homecoming was (with one of his best friend's little sisters) I wasnt mad that he went with some other girl since he had never even talked to her or anything, and it was just hc and he asked me before he went, but then it kinda got to me that when I called him he didnt seem to want to talk to me. It was like he was so busy that he didnt want to waste time talking to me. I was already so upset so I just burst into tears and told him not to worry about me and to go have fun. he asked if he was allwoed to come over and I siad it was too late my mom wouldnt let him, so he just was like ok talk to you tomorrow. I told him I loved him and he was like ya love u too bye. It isnt like him to not wanna talk to me when I am crying. It kinda upsets me. Ok it does upset me. I cant blame him too much since I somewhat do the same thing if I am with all my friends. I dont wanna talk to him forever if I have a bunch of people in my dorm room or I want to go hang out with everyone. I act differently when I am around people than I do when we are alone. But still, it seems like he should care more if i was seriously upset and crying. I understand he didnt wanna sit there and talk to his gf while he was out with his friends having fun, but I wish i just hadnt called him tonight. I couldnt handle any more emotions. So ya, maybe I shoulda stayed at Akron, Zachary Thomas. I really liked seeing Linds and Shan, and I had fun with Scott, but now i feel stupid and sad and I wish i hadnt gone and done that. Well, I am sorry for all of this complaining, but I am just sad and I needed to get that off my chest. I still love Matt, and I appreciate how much he cares about me, I just wish i hadnt called tonight. It was dumb of me. My mom told me not to interrupt his night, but i kinda needed to check on him. It was just stupid of me. Well I am gonna go fight with some Computer Science work now. It should be fun. Or not at all.....definitely not at all.