in a downward spiril...

[flipboi17]

my life is spiriling downward. it's funny cause i'm sitting outside myself watching as my life, my body, my mind slip away. am i slipping away from reality? i don't know. i don't know what's real and what's fake. i don't know i don't know i don't know anymore...who am i? have i grown up? have i stayed the same? did my mind take a giant step back to

Comments

part 1

[troglodyte1]

Holy shit that was long! Erika, you can't do that to me...I'm a slow reader! Anyways. Where do I begin? The t.v./movie thing...I do the same thing. Watch the same shit over and over, wishing I was apart of that. Or sometimes just having a good time watching someone elses life other than living my own. But I think you might be getting confused on whats real and whats not. Some of the t.v. shows and movies they have now a days can be realative to this world and the people in it, but overall...it's fake. The t.v. shows and movies are totally fake. It's when you turn off the t.v. that you enter reality. And though the reality of this world and this life may totally suck at times (or in some cases most of the time)...it's real. And you can't just sit at home and hide from it all day by watching t.v. It's not good for you. It's fun at times, but not all the time. You say that you're 18 and you've already expierenced so much that you're not sure whats left to expierence. You've been through a lot...A LOT...but you haven't been through everything. You haven't seen everything. And you haven't experienced everything and you're not going to while sitting in front of the t.v. I can promise you that. We're both young and we both have so much more to learn, to see, to do. My thing is I know I won't fully experience everything by living here in Vacaville. Thats for sure. I don't want to be stuck at lowes forever and I don't want to be stuck in vacaville forever and I think you might agree with me on that one. Maybe we should save money and move somewhere. How about that? Get out of this hell hole! Anyways. As for you not living long. Maybe you'll live to be 30, 50, 82, 105...I don't know. But I can already tell you that you're not going to live long if you keep doing some of the shit you're doing...and I think you know what I'm talking about. We don't know how long we're going to live, but I believe we all have some kind of control over it. Not total control, but some control. For example. Smoking shortens your life span. Everyone knows it...I know it...yet I'm choosing to smoke still. I'm choosing to shorten my life. And though it's a bad choice, it's my choice at this moment in time. Hopefully I'll quit soon though because honestly, I don't want to live until I'm 102, but I don't want get cancer and only live until I'm 30. You get what I'm saying? I have a choice. You have a choice. And just like at times I don't make the smartest deciscions. I think it's honest to say that you're not making the best ones either right now. There is certain things you have to quit. But YOU have to WANT to quit it. I mean REALLY WANT to. And when you're ready...I'm here to help you in any way I can. I know there isn't a whole bunch I can do, but I am here for you. I always have been and always will be no matter what. I love you Erika. Always remember that.