"stuck in a loop"
The workplace is not a good place to get moody & snap at people. Nothing to do with the boss. But I feel my job may be in trouble from my end...so tempting to quit. But then what would I do? I wouldn't have an income & I certainly don't want to go back in Centrelink.
It's a 'catch 22'... I feel that I'm wasting so much time there, when I should be working towards a career...but I need the money. I've stuffed this paragraph.
Thing is, before I had this job, apart from fairly useless TAFE courses, I wasn't really doing anything anyway. And even though I'm not 100% happy with this job, at least I'm doing something & getting paid for it. But like I said, it's not a career. Even if there was a ladder to climb (which there isn't), it's not what I want to do with my life. And in my life, my youth is ...well, already gone (how the fuck did that happen?) or at least quickly disappearing away.
It's so frigging awkward being an older student in a class full of kids straight out of high school...plus I feel a massive generation gap between myself and generation y. However, education has little to do with any if the things I want to do. I thought I had a plan too, but everything's fallen apart by the wayside. I'm fucking useless. I'm artistically talented, so anything in the arts I'd be good at, except I'm not trained or inspired. I need piano lessons. I need singing lessons. These cost a lot of money & take up a lot of time. And every musician needs a day job. I feel my day job isn't condusive to being a musician (or anything else for that matter). I don't fucking know & you don't fucking care. My life is slipping away & yet it never seems to end. I'm ranting & this isn't coming out right. But damn, I'm going to post it anyway because I seem to bad at self control like that.
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