Let's run away...
...name a place, where the air tastes like rain and the sun shines like Sunday morning. You bring your laugh and I'll bring my sense of humor, and we can waste days one week after another. Turn it up, turn it up I'm falling, turn the music up and fall in love with me. Don't need a book, don't need anything but the art of conversation and the lovely gift of sleep. Isn't it just my luck, that I finally find myself and I have no one to rejoice to because to them I've always been me, the same person they new before I found out who I am. I guess it doesn't help that I'm reading twilight again. The last time I read it was right before I met Dave. So excited thinking I had found the one. Now I am not sure. My heart has pieces every where. I'm actually not completely sure why I am not dead because everyone seems to be taking pieces of my heart with them. Chris took a whole quarter of it and Dave an equal share. That leaves me with a very broken heart to give to someone else. If that's even possible; I am such a bitter girl. Part of me hopes she is every bit a heart breaker as she says she is so that you'll find that I am the only one who hasn't broken your heart. The other part though, the more gracious part of me hopes that you find happiness even though it may not be with me. Though I'm hoping quite fervently for my own happiness. I thought I deserved it, but what do I know. I'm just waiting for smiles, a hand to hold, a heart to share. I'm waiting for my Edward; I'm searching in everyone. Sometimes I feel I shouldn't be so picky, but what am I giving myself if I turn to just anyone. I can't be happy with someone who doesn't fit. Otherwise I would have stayed with Peter. I need a vacation. My gramma said Canada, but I am feeling quite partial to California right now. The sun, the warmth, the beauty, the water. The potential to possibly start over. Be happy. New year, new me, new home. But then I fall back to reality. I can't go anywhere because I am so far in debt that if I don't find a job here and make money and pay my bills, then how am I supposed to go anywhere? I want to though, so bad, even if it's just for a little bit. I feel so stupid as I lay here and cry but I can't help it. The way my life is going I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've fallen in a pit and I'm drowning. I should have listened to myself and Chris when I said no credit cards. They just screw people up. Once I'm out, I'm out. I'm cutting them up and throwing them away. I don't want to owe anyone but myself from there on after. I'm quite boggled by the fact that each year gets worse rather than better. And my bills get higher and my earnings keep decreasing. I guess I should sleep now since I will most likely be the person taking thalia to work tomorrow. How loud do I have to pray for god to hear me? My gramma says he hears you in your head, but I really wonder if he does, cause my prayers seem to keep going unanswered. Or I am just not looking hard enough at what's in front of me. Maybe Canada will do me some good? I'm still hoping for somewhere more like California though. =/