mood failure
why do I even bother letting myself get into good moods. somewhere along the line my mood faltered and I just feel like shit. I feel cold and empty and I don't know what I want anymore with anything. I know that I care for katie, but I think there's others that I could care for if I tried, but I don't want to hurt katie. I don't want to lose her either...I don't know what to do. I can't even say it'd just be good if I died, because itwouldn't. I'm not suicidal but I'm tired of life in general. But if I were to leave, then there's still so many people who depend on me, and me alone, and if I were to just up and bail like that they wouldn't have anyone. none of them even realize I'm worse off then they are as far as problems. and on top of that I think my joking around with this girl stef has her attached to me. Not too bad I suppose except she's 15 and I'm 19, and I don't want to hurt her. I dont' know what to do anymore, with anything. I'm just really lost, as opposed to my usual just being frustrated because I don't like what I have to do. why can't things just be simple, why can't I just be stupid and happy like the majority of society. I could just sit and where gap clothes, listen to what MTV tells me is good, and just follow the leader. My biggest problem is I tore my khakis. Instead I get to exist in a world of absolute shit where my family is a constant torment and I can't afford to educate myself enough to get away from them. Now I'm just getting whiny, there's really not that much wrong with my life now. I just can't deal witht he little things because I have so much old shit piled in my mind and eating away at my sanity. I wish something would happen to either tell me what the best choice was, or just make it easier to see katie so I can just not have to make one. asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfa goo, I'm blocking this one so friends only can read it, so enjoy Megan, you're the only one that can read this.