#19 - Health.
Where do I begin? Well, I have an eating disorder, that much I know by reading up on it, doing some (professional) tests and, quite honestly, having common sense. I'm a binge eater. I'm basically addicted to eating. There are certain foods that trigger me (bread, pasta, rice [so carbs especially], but also sugar and fats). I eat a small portion of one of these, and then I can't stop. I eat, when I only think about something nice. I eat, when I'm so full, that I want to puke.
It makes me so sad, because I don't want to do this. I seriously don't want to eat all this crap (and I don't really eat as much as many binge eaters do, but it's still a lot to me) and even when I'm just chewing it, I think: "This is wrong." I put it down, take it up again, and eat it anyways, because it won't do any harm. That's how I think.
How can I fight it? I will try to avoid carbs a lot now. This is a dangerous path for me, because I might just end up eating 4 slices of toast in 2 minutes, because restricting doesn't work well for me. I will have to eat very slowly, take small bites, and put the cutlery down while eating.
I basically have to learn how to eat again. I need to learn a proper eating behaviour, one that doesn't leave me with a bloated stomach and that makes me feel sick. And I can do it.
Also I need to learn ways of keeping my mind off of food, so I don't even have the temptation. And I need to to tell people to tell me when to stop. Ugh.
It makes me so sad, because I don't want to do this. I seriously don't want to eat all this crap (and I don't really eat as much as many binge eaters do, but it's still a lot to me) and even when I'm just chewing it, I think: "This is wrong." I put it down, take it up again, and eat it anyways, because it won't do any harm. That's how I think.
How can I fight it? I will try to avoid carbs a lot now. This is a dangerous path for me, because I might just end up eating 4 slices of toast in 2 minutes, because restricting doesn't work well for me. I will have to eat very slowly, take small bites, and put the cutlery down while eating.
I basically have to learn how to eat again. I need to learn a proper eating behaviour, one that doesn't leave me with a bloated stomach and that makes me feel sick. And I can do it.
Also I need to learn ways of keeping my mind off of food, so I don't even have the temptation. And I need to to tell people to tell me when to stop. Ugh.