Letting Go
I just let go of someone who was until now more important than anything else in my life, and guess what I'm okay. For how much time I spent thinking about the "us" that wasn't meant to be, I'm happy just for it to be over. It's like I've been in this class for what seems like forever trying to get an 'A' with all i have, every shred of my being, but now at the end of course as I look at my grade, and I've achieved nothing, in fact even time spent aside I feel that I am less of a person now that I've taken the class, but at the same time understand my feeling of relief. It's over now. I'm okay, and I won't be wasting anymore of my time on the class. At the same time, I have mixed feelings. If I could try to get my 'A' again, would I? Of course. However, no such chance to redeem myself and achieve my goal are likely to be offered. So much of my life is gone already, and to spend so much more time on this, with how bleak the chances of achievement are, just seems silly. I say all of this now, but we'll all have to see if I can actually give her up permanently. It's like you go to college, why? Well, you go because the chance that you can increase your utility(happiness) down the road is better than not, even though you sacrifice the money you spend on college, and the scarcest resource of all, your time. Until now I was constantly trying to figure out how I could be with her, because I knew that even if I spent a long time getting her she would be worth it because of the immense increase in my utility she would cause. But just like with everything that is questionable, as to your ability to obtain it, at some point you have to see that the costs outweigh the benefits, and this person or education that you seek is not worth what they cost, so therefore, you no longer persue those goals. I regret to have lived for so long without finding someone who's worth keeping and who wants to be kept. It's to late for me to ever marry my grade school or even my high school sweetheart. At the earlest I'll be with someone at 23-25, and that makes me sad. The more years you spend without a compatible intimate significant other that you care about, the more of your own utility(happiness) that you waste. Just like the years you spend making 5.50/hr before going to college are a waste since your years after college provide you with 27.50/hr instead. Anyways, hope everyone has had a good day, mine has been a learning experience.