The specific stuff [TW: illness, body horror, dark]
While standing at the counter to get food, I discovered that this hip pain feels better standing. As long as I take baby steps and don't bend or twist at the waist, everything feels okay. I'm now typing this list at the bar above the kitchen counter. Less pain makes me want to sleep, though . . . crap. Okay, cold pack tucked into waist of shorts, less pain but also swelling relief with sensation that keeps me awake.
According to Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, the best planning for disasters are the ones where you imagine the worst possible scenario: that you plan for things to go so badly wrong that reality consistently undershoots your predictions of disaster. I'm turning my feelings off and this is about to get dark.
I'm not going to consider the expensive but purely temporary diagnoses on the disaster list, because those are just a matter of getting loans from family and then paying them back. If it's Lyme disease or Trichinella then I'll be out of work for a week or so, and have lots of medication expenses, but should be okay afterwards if I am careful with myself.
Hypothetical situation: I find a different form of employment with fewer movement requirements until I get a diagnosis. I make less money than I need to be able to support myself fully, but eventually get disability to supplement that, and am only partially supported by other people for a few months.
Hypothetical situation: No diagnosis comes forth and I continue to hurt. Being unable to get a different form of employment, I continue working through joint and/or bursa pain until I get a diagnosis, but the damage I do to my joints in the interim becomes either too costly to fix or permanent dysfunction. Unable to continue working, I go on disability permanently.
Hypothetical situation: I continue to hurt/lose mobility. I stop working but cannot apply for disability without diagnosis. I am unemployed and receive no income. Unable to support myself I must rely on family to support me, possibly indefinitely.
Hypothetical situation: With no diagnosis, no work, no disability, and being in constant pain, I become bitter, irritable and horrible to be around. I begin to lose support from family and friends, first emotional, then financial. I become unable to fulfill social obligations and either introvert myself into silence or actively push people away as relating becomes an irritant. I begin making self-destructive choices as I lose core facets of my identity.
Hypothetical situation: It's lupus. Given my family's high incidence of cancers and heart/blood pressure conditions, I react badly to the probability of dying young and go batshit insane. Considering my history of violence, I am institutionalized and live out my existence in a mental health ward until I either adapt or kill myself out of boredom.
So, I'm going to be strategizing my way into these scenarios, making lists of things to do, and getting set up to implement the solutions.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP:
According to Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, the best planning for disasters are the ones where you imagine the worst possible scenario: that you plan for things to go so badly wrong that reality consistently undershoots your predictions of disaster. I'm turning my feelings off and this is about to get dark.
I'm not going to consider the expensive but purely temporary diagnoses on the disaster list, because those are just a matter of getting loans from family and then paying them back. If it's Lyme disease or Trichinella then I'll be out of work for a week or so, and have lots of medication expenses, but should be okay afterwards if I am careful with myself.
Hypothetical situation: I find a different form of employment with fewer movement requirements until I get a diagnosis. I make less money than I need to be able to support myself fully, but eventually get disability to supplement that, and am only partially supported by other people for a few months.
Hypothetical situation: No diagnosis comes forth and I continue to hurt. Being unable to get a different form of employment, I continue working through joint and/or bursa pain until I get a diagnosis, but the damage I do to my joints in the interim becomes either too costly to fix or permanent dysfunction. Unable to continue working, I go on disability permanently.
Hypothetical situation: I continue to hurt/lose mobility. I stop working but cannot apply for disability without diagnosis. I am unemployed and receive no income. Unable to support myself I must rely on family to support me, possibly indefinitely.
Hypothetical situation: With no diagnosis, no work, no disability, and being in constant pain, I become bitter, irritable and horrible to be around. I begin to lose support from family and friends, first emotional, then financial. I become unable to fulfill social obligations and either introvert myself into silence or actively push people away as relating becomes an irritant. I begin making self-destructive choices as I lose core facets of my identity.
Hypothetical situation: It's lupus. Given my family's high incidence of cancers and heart/blood pressure conditions, I react badly to the probability of dying young and go batshit insane. Considering my history of violence, I am institutionalized and live out my existence in a mental health ward until I either adapt or kill myself out of boredom.
So, I'm going to be strategizing my way into these scenarios, making lists of things to do, and getting set up to implement the solutions.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP:
- If you have books, movies, or TV shows that have a disabled character and realistic representations of that character's strategies for dealing with the disability, can you recommend or loan them to me?
- I will be searching for blogs and internet resources, but if you have specific recommendations for that then please link me to them.
- If you have real world experience with organizations and governmental procedures relating to disability, please tell me your story so I can get some idea of how the people I know and understand have reacted to this and can maybe use your experience in place of emotional wisdom that I don't yet have.
- Hugs are always welcome.