2011, Go Easy On Me...
This year did not turn out in any way at all how I expected it to go...Overall, I'm thinking 2010 was ridiculously hard on me and a lot has changed since this time last year. Last year, Kyle and I got snowed in and celebrated the new year alone instead of going to the open bar with his friends...and it was perfect, such a good time, so much fun...and it was exactly what I needed. Who knew that that would be the beginning of the end of "us" and the beginning of the new "me"?
But I realized a lot about myself the past couple weeks. Most importantly, I realized that I'm at a point in my life where I'm not able or willing to give myself over completely to someone else, not willing to invest the time in something real...not yet anyways...I really do need this time for myself and who cares if I have a few pleasural pursuits in the meantime? I'm tired of putting myself out there, showing my cards, wearing my heart on my sleeve before I know the whole story. I don't play games, to me they're just pointless but everyone else seems to play them so if I'm honest and they're not, what's the point? Its getting kinda old the way people seem to disappoint me these days, and its seriously testing my faith and optimism. I think it's important for me to realize how not ready I am for another relationship. I'm just so tired of trying for christsake why bother letting someone in if all that happens is this disappointment, this emptiness, this pain?...it just doesn't feel worth it anymore. Ben's the only one who hasn't disappointed me haha but I don't think I want a long distance relationship. I just don't have the energy, or enough of me, to give to someone else. Not yet anyway...
So here's to the new year. Out with the bitter, depressed feelings I've been harboring, and in with the optimistic happy me that I deserve to be. I work too hard, love too much, to not enjoy what life has to offer me. Right now all the new year seems to be offering is some good sex and interesting classes, so I don't know what I'm gonna do aside from work my ass off at school and save up some money. Hopefully I'll find a new job, a real one, one that I've been hoping for since I received that damn diploma that claims I'm a college graduate. And who knows, while I'm at it I can hope for Prince Charming to come sweeping me off my feet this year too. Why not? Here's wishing...
New year's resolution: Don't fall unless I'm absolutely sure that I'm gonna be caught. After this past year, this may be one resolution that I could actually keep...
Thank you all for the good times that I've had this year.
"Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well"
<3 here's hoping for the future. I deserve the best, nothing less. So I could be a little patient waiting for the best to come along...who knows?
But I realized a lot about myself the past couple weeks. Most importantly, I realized that I'm at a point in my life where I'm not able or willing to give myself over completely to someone else, not willing to invest the time in something real...not yet anyways...I really do need this time for myself and who cares if I have a few pleasural pursuits in the meantime? I'm tired of putting myself out there, showing my cards, wearing my heart on my sleeve before I know the whole story. I don't play games, to me they're just pointless but everyone else seems to play them so if I'm honest and they're not, what's the point? Its getting kinda old the way people seem to disappoint me these days, and its seriously testing my faith and optimism. I think it's important for me to realize how not ready I am for another relationship. I'm just so tired of trying for christsake why bother letting someone in if all that happens is this disappointment, this emptiness, this pain?...it just doesn't feel worth it anymore. Ben's the only one who hasn't disappointed me haha but I don't think I want a long distance relationship. I just don't have the energy, or enough of me, to give to someone else. Not yet anyway...
So here's to the new year. Out with the bitter, depressed feelings I've been harboring, and in with the optimistic happy me that I deserve to be. I work too hard, love too much, to not enjoy what life has to offer me. Right now all the new year seems to be offering is some good sex and interesting classes, so I don't know what I'm gonna do aside from work my ass off at school and save up some money. Hopefully I'll find a new job, a real one, one that I've been hoping for since I received that damn diploma that claims I'm a college graduate. And who knows, while I'm at it I can hope for Prince Charming to come sweeping me off my feet this year too. Why not? Here's wishing...
New year's resolution: Don't fall unless I'm absolutely sure that I'm gonna be caught. After this past year, this may be one resolution that I could actually keep...
Thank you all for the good times that I've had this year.
"Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well"
<3 here's hoping for the future. I deserve the best, nothing less. So I could be a little patient waiting for the best to come along...who knows?