Very interesting post - definitely some food for thought :) It seems (and maybe my perception is skewed) that there is more asexuality in online fandom than one might expect. (At least, there's a lot more discussion about it than you can find pretty much anywhere else...) [ETA: I didn't mean to say this as if reflecting that your reasoning was "oh look at me I'm trying to be cool", just to say that you're hardly alone ~ asexuality is one of the topics online fandom seems to really rally around and support, so if you need that support and you can't get it in RL, there *is* a viable alternative.]
What I find most interesting, though, is that you're going to edit your behemoth of a story to reflect what still appears to be a changing personal value system. Not that there's anything wrong with that - its your story, after all, and you can do with it what you wish - but that you've come to this conclusion, that since you aren't personally interested in sex...your characters will reflect the same? Do you think you can't write it well, or are you just generally uncomfortable that it's out there, and maybe embarrassed by it (because you aren't "writing from experience")?
Forgive me, I'm just a bit fascinated by how you came to this decision... =)
long reply is looongflametwirlerJune 17 2010, 10:04:30 UTC
I think one of the reasons this is more prevalent in fandom is simply because of the fact that fandom is, by definition, an open source. The people inhabiting it are typically tech savvy, eventually get to the point where they're researching different things (even ways of life) for the purposes of world building/characterization and even just for the sakes of the people they meet. Online communities in general tend to be more diverse.
Also I think asexuality itself is more prevalent in general than people think but it's not much of an accepted topic so far. (Again, I wonder if that's because people just haven't heard of it or because they don't understand underindulgence/can't fathom someone NOT wanting sex.) I don't think I have a single person IRL that seriously believes me. They just keep asking when I'm going to have babies. *sighs*
As for the story? Well, where to start. First, I don't intend to change the story itself at all, just censor it slightly. Basically change all versions to the 'ffnet' version instead of having an uncensored version out there. There's really no need for the full graphic citrus and since I'm now kinda uncomfortable with it there's even less need for it to stay out there.
So I guess in essence the only thing that would change would be the writing style, per se, which actually makes more sense to go back and edit occasionally (on all fic, not just this) in order to keep coherence for one thing, but also to reflect the author. We have a different facet of this, in that we don't put out an entire story at once after massive amounts of edits, but something a chapter at a time, and the slow-pokes like me tend to change over time. Even without the personal decisions on my part (and here I'm assuming you're familiar with the storyline), the way the plot has gone with all its cultural/societal implications really has no direct bearing on the citrus. It's there as a relationship builder and I think that's fine without the graphic nature of it. The point is the relationship changing them and the outside world, not the sex.
I hope that explains it a bit more.
On the personal side, though, I also must say that I dug myself into a hole because of my complete naivete and frankly rather awkward ignorance. At first I didn't realize what I was writing would really be considered pr0n. (After that it was just kinda hard to get away from it.) It's kind of a dicey game since I'm less than okay with visual porn so why am I allowed to be okay with the written version? When it comes down to it, I'm not really sure I am, I just had no idea what it was. Whether they're equivalent is what kinda waffles it for me, but the fact that some people see them as such is what makes me uncomfortable. (And not to say they're not right to see it as such, just that I'm a moron for not understanding that up front.)
As follows with the whole 'likely asexual' thing I think I just don't understand things in necessarily the same way as others and to me it's always been more an exercise in intelligence and creativity. That was it. What's funny is, in response to your question, I actually think I'm pretty good at writing it (which at first I thought hilarious - okay, I still do - considering the lack of experience, but as I said, it doesn't take experience to imagine different scenarios, just intelligence and creativity. We've all got it, some are just bound by different limitations so I almost wondered if my lack of experience helped in these endeavors because I wasn't stuck in the world of 'missionary is the rule').
LOL, that's okay - you know I don't mind the tl;dr, especially considering I tend to indulge in it myself :P You did take the long route in answering my question, but I wanted to know why, and that's rarely easily explained.
I wonder if you'd feel differently about editing your story if it was already said and done, and had been for awhile? You made mention of "slow pokes like me tend to change over time" re: attitudes about this sort of thing. That's called growing up, my friend ;) and there's nothing wrong it it.
I, personally, think editing whole swathes of scenes out of an ongoing fic is unfortunate - especially if you feel its something done well, and treated it like an experiment anyway - but that's because I like to have some tangible measure of my writing/stylistic progress. There are experiments I've released into the wild that worked, and some that didn't, but because all of those works are complete, I have no real urge to edit or "fix" them. *shrug* Like I said, its just a personal preference. Ultimately, you should only have out there what you are comfortable with, and if you aren't comfortable with lots of citrus (however unnecessary), then by all means take it down.
Incidentally, I also view citrus-writing as something of an intellectual exercise. I try not to write the same scene twice, and its certainly challenging to find new ways to write about what is essentially the 'same old thing'.
As for asexuality and fandom support ~ I think a lot of people who spend a great deal of time online turn here precisely for social support. The internet hivemind is more savvy, in general, than meatspace, because we're all weird and feel we don't fit in and want to find others like us :P Its not just the creative types, either. I've seen this topic pop up on all sorts of forums, not just the fannish.
What I find most interesting, though, is that you're going to edit your behemoth of a story to reflect what still appears to be a changing personal value system. Not that there's anything wrong with that - its your story, after all, and you can do with it what you wish - but that you've come to this conclusion, that since you aren't personally interested in sex...your characters will reflect the same? Do you think you can't write it well, or are you just generally uncomfortable that it's out there, and maybe embarrassed by it (because you aren't "writing from experience")?
Forgive me, I'm just a bit fascinated by how you came to this decision... =)
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Also I think asexuality itself is more prevalent in general than people think but it's not much of an accepted topic so far. (Again, I wonder if that's because people just haven't heard of it or because they don't understand underindulgence/can't fathom someone NOT wanting sex.) I don't think I have a single person IRL that seriously believes me. They just keep asking when I'm going to have babies. *sighs*
As for the story? Well, where to start. First, I don't intend to change the story itself at all, just censor it slightly. Basically change all versions to the 'ffnet' version instead of having an uncensored version out there. There's really no need for the full graphic citrus and since I'm now kinda uncomfortable with it there's even less need for it to stay out there.
So I guess in essence the only thing that would change would be the writing style, per se, which actually makes more sense to go back and edit occasionally (on all fic, not just this) in order to keep coherence for one thing, but also to reflect the author. We have a different facet of this, in that we don't put out an entire story at once after massive amounts of edits, but something a chapter at a time, and the slow-pokes like me tend to change over time. Even without the personal decisions on my part (and here I'm assuming you're familiar with the storyline), the way the plot has gone with all its cultural/societal implications really has no direct bearing on the citrus. It's there as a relationship builder and I think that's fine without the graphic nature of it. The point is the relationship changing them and the outside world, not the sex.
I hope that explains it a bit more.
On the personal side, though, I also must say that I dug myself into a hole because of my complete naivete and frankly rather awkward ignorance. At first I didn't realize what I was writing would really be considered pr0n. (After that it was just kinda hard to get away from it.) It's kind of a dicey game since I'm less than okay with visual porn so why am I allowed to be okay with the written version? When it comes down to it, I'm not really sure I am, I just had no idea what it was. Whether they're equivalent is what kinda waffles it for me, but the fact that some people see them as such is what makes me uncomfortable. (And not to say they're not right to see it as such, just that I'm a moron for not understanding that up front.)
As follows with the whole 'likely asexual' thing I think I just don't understand things in necessarily the same way as others and to me it's always been more an exercise in intelligence and creativity. That was it. What's funny is, in response to your question, I actually think I'm pretty good at writing it (which at first I thought hilarious - okay, I still do - considering the lack of experience, but as I said, it doesn't take experience to imagine different scenarios, just intelligence and creativity. We've all got it, some are just bound by different limitations so I almost wondered if my lack of experience helped in these endeavors because I wasn't stuck in the world of 'missionary is the rule').
/reply. See, I warned you. Loooong
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I wonder if you'd feel differently about editing your story if it was already said and done, and had been for awhile? You made mention of "slow pokes like me tend to change over time" re: attitudes about this sort of thing. That's called growing up, my friend ;) and there's nothing wrong it it.
I, personally, think editing whole swathes of scenes out of an ongoing fic is unfortunate - especially if you feel its something done well, and treated it like an experiment anyway - but that's because I like to have some tangible measure of my writing/stylistic progress. There are experiments I've released into the wild that worked, and some that didn't, but because all of those works are complete, I have no real urge to edit or "fix" them. *shrug* Like I said, its just a personal preference. Ultimately, you should only have out there what you are comfortable with, and if you aren't comfortable with lots of citrus (however unnecessary), then by all means take it down.
Incidentally, I also view citrus-writing as something of an intellectual exercise. I try not to write the same scene twice, and its certainly challenging to find new ways to write about what is essentially the 'same old thing'.
As for asexuality and fandom support ~ I think a lot of people who spend a great deal of time online turn here precisely for social support. The internet hivemind is more savvy, in general, than meatspace, because we're all weird and feel we don't fit in and want to find others like us :P Its not just the creative types, either. I've seen this topic pop up on all sorts of forums, not just the fannish.
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