this is a confusing time
Thanksgiving has come and gone. I have been feeling really... disconnected. My mom was here and i felt so weird. I feel like she doesn't even know me on top of that i feel like she is so wrapped up in herself that she doesn't want to know me. She thinks saying "I'm proud" is what I want, she doesn' thave to ask anything, or understand. Sometimes I want to just tell m aunt, that I'd be lost with out her.
I'm not sure if I made a mistake, but I feel a little like I did something I should not have. I saw Matt, he came into town for thanksgiving. He came to my room, and commented on how nice it was. He was serious, ha. We laid in my bed for hours, not talking really, just laying there being close to each other. I love just being there with him. He plays with my hair and touches me in a way that makes me feel so content. I think that we are fooling ourselves if we think that something is over. Its obviously not over. I can't help but feel like its on hold, and someday will resume. I looked at him and told him I loved him. It wouldn't make sense if I didn't. I have just settled inthinking that I dont know what Matt is in my life or what he will be, but he is still important to me. This makes everything seem weird with Ben, but it doesn't even seem to matter. I will be gone in two months and I don't know if Ben and I will continue to talk or not.
Over the past week I have also severed a friendship that has been really dear to me. I no longer call Kyle a friend.
I'm not sure if I made a mistake, but I feel a little like I did something I should not have. I saw Matt, he came into town for thanksgiving. He came to my room, and commented on how nice it was. He was serious, ha. We laid in my bed for hours, not talking really, just laying there being close to each other. I love just being there with him. He plays with my hair and touches me in a way that makes me feel so content. I think that we are fooling ourselves if we think that something is over. Its obviously not over. I can't help but feel like its on hold, and someday will resume. I looked at him and told him I loved him. It wouldn't make sense if I didn't. I have just settled inthinking that I dont know what Matt is in my life or what he will be, but he is still important to me. This makes everything seem weird with Ben, but it doesn't even seem to matter. I will be gone in two months and I don't know if Ben and I will continue to talk or not.
Over the past week I have also severed a friendship that has been really dear to me. I no longer call Kyle a friend.