My head keeps spinning
Been feeling horrible lately. Dizzy, hot flashes, fatigue, panic, emotional. Its been horrible. I have randomly started crying numerous times over the past few days.
My mom is in town. I spent the night over at my granny's with her. Itwas fun, just hanging out with her. We laugh a lot when we are together.
Spent the night over Ben's last night. I'm not sure how I felt about it. He has been really sick, and tonight he was supposed to meet my family and didn't. I'm just not sure if it even matters, I"m leaving in two months. Lately I feel really weird about him smoking weed. I'm just not sure if I want to keep seeing someone who smokes pot and drinks all the time. I know it sucks to compare him to Matt, but something I loved about matt was that I didn't have to be fucked up to love being with him. I sit over Ben's place and sometimes he is high and just like spaced out, he doesn't even seem to enjoy my company. I think, well if he weren't high he would be more interested in me. It just makes me think that its not such a good idea for us to date.
As far as Matt goes he has been texting me every night before he goes to sleep. He has been giving me a lot of attention, but I feel like he always does this to manipulate me into holding on to him. It works, I guess that is why he keeps doing it. he said he wanted to see me if he comes home for thanksgiving. I want to see him, but at the same time, I know we will just end up hurting me. He may care, and I may be the last thing he thinks about before he falls asleep, but it never meant anything or changed anything beofre, and it won't now.
I start my new job tomorrow, yay. I'm looking forward to thanksgiving.
My mom is in town. I spent the night over at my granny's with her. Itwas fun, just hanging out with her. We laugh a lot when we are together.
Spent the night over Ben's last night. I'm not sure how I felt about it. He has been really sick, and tonight he was supposed to meet my family and didn't. I'm just not sure if it even matters, I"m leaving in two months. Lately I feel really weird about him smoking weed. I'm just not sure if I want to keep seeing someone who smokes pot and drinks all the time. I know it sucks to compare him to Matt, but something I loved about matt was that I didn't have to be fucked up to love being with him. I sit over Ben's place and sometimes he is high and just like spaced out, he doesn't even seem to enjoy my company. I think, well if he weren't high he would be more interested in me. It just makes me think that its not such a good idea for us to date.
As far as Matt goes he has been texting me every night before he goes to sleep. He has been giving me a lot of attention, but I feel like he always does this to manipulate me into holding on to him. It works, I guess that is why he keeps doing it. he said he wanted to see me if he comes home for thanksgiving. I want to see him, but at the same time, I know we will just end up hurting me. He may care, and I may be the last thing he thinks about before he falls asleep, but it never meant anything or changed anything beofre, and it won't now.
I start my new job tomorrow, yay. I'm looking forward to thanksgiving.