Nostalgia
I can't spell very well. I know it makes me appear unintelligent or something but there is not really anything I can do.
My hair is getting long. I'm over at Ben's right now. On the way over here I was thinking of that day that I cut it. it looks about the same tonight as it did that night. I had so many vivid dreams when I had dreads. Dreams of having hair that I could run my fingers through and of my mother brushing my hair. I finally decided to cut it and after it was all said and done my scalp hurt so bad that I could even touch it. I put make up on and a dress and headed to the party. The reaction from everyone was astounding. It is hard to imagine the difference a head of hair can make. I was suddenly the most beautiful person in every room I entered. Matt hadn't seen my hair yet, he hadn't seen me with normal hair in six months. He walked me into the party and then, as usual, decided he needed to leave and walked me out to the car. From here on is what I was thinking about on the way over here. Matt hugged me and kissed me and then lingered for a minute. He looked at me directly in the eyes and for the first time told me that I was pretty. He looked like he meant, his face seemed to light up. I think I melted. We walked around the corner and played in the playground that is behind Kyle's house for an hour. We sat in the slide and kissed. That night was great. I can actually think about it now and smile, and not feel upset, or full of resentment.
I sent this to Ben today:
I have been thinking about you a lot today, and what we talked about last night, and to honor my tendency to think and talk about everything in excess I thought I would send you a little message. However, in my defense, this message should offer something different that previous discussions have not addressed.
So, yesterday I was telling you some things that I foresee as issues regarding me and you. I didn't take the time to tell you that there are many things I really like about you, and if those things weren't there I wouldn't take the time to even talk to you about anything, it just wouldn't be worth it. That is why I didn't erase your number. You are attentive, thoughtful, easy to talk to, intelligent, and you don't seem emotionally ignorant. Those may seem like characteristics that all people should and could easily possess, however they seem to be lacking among the bulk of the male population. Not to mention talking to you last night reinforced something that I love about you. You are receptive. I tell you something I need or a concern I have and you listen, and you don't try to say that what I'm saying is wrong, or blame someone else, you just listen. I mentioned to you shortly after we met (you may not even remember) that you could kiss me casually, just whenever and you started doing that. I notice things like that, and I really like it when you give me little kisses like in the kitchen or something, its cute. All of your comments and gestures like that I notice and remember. Oh and I like it when you make statements that put me in the future, its thoughtful and it makes me feel like you like me and that's always nice J. I just thought that it I was always going to tell you everything I might as well include some of the good.
I also had a dream today that I was having a nervous breakdown because I miss Sebastian. Its not far from reality.
My hair is getting long. I'm over at Ben's right now. On the way over here I was thinking of that day that I cut it. it looks about the same tonight as it did that night. I had so many vivid dreams when I had dreads. Dreams of having hair that I could run my fingers through and of my mother brushing my hair. I finally decided to cut it and after it was all said and done my scalp hurt so bad that I could even touch it. I put make up on and a dress and headed to the party. The reaction from everyone was astounding. It is hard to imagine the difference a head of hair can make. I was suddenly the most beautiful person in every room I entered. Matt hadn't seen my hair yet, he hadn't seen me with normal hair in six months. He walked me into the party and then, as usual, decided he needed to leave and walked me out to the car. From here on is what I was thinking about on the way over here. Matt hugged me and kissed me and then lingered for a minute. He looked at me directly in the eyes and for the first time told me that I was pretty. He looked like he meant, his face seemed to light up. I think I melted. We walked around the corner and played in the playground that is behind Kyle's house for an hour. We sat in the slide and kissed. That night was great. I can actually think about it now and smile, and not feel upset, or full of resentment.
I sent this to Ben today:
I have been thinking about you a lot today, and what we talked about last night, and to honor my tendency to think and talk about everything in excess I thought I would send you a little message. However, in my defense, this message should offer something different that previous discussions have not addressed.
So, yesterday I was telling you some things that I foresee as issues regarding me and you. I didn't take the time to tell you that there are many things I really like about you, and if those things weren't there I wouldn't take the time to even talk to you about anything, it just wouldn't be worth it. That is why I didn't erase your number. You are attentive, thoughtful, easy to talk to, intelligent, and you don't seem emotionally ignorant. Those may seem like characteristics that all people should and could easily possess, however they seem to be lacking among the bulk of the male population. Not to mention talking to you last night reinforced something that I love about you. You are receptive. I tell you something I need or a concern I have and you listen, and you don't try to say that what I'm saying is wrong, or blame someone else, you just listen. I mentioned to you shortly after we met (you may not even remember) that you could kiss me casually, just whenever and you started doing that. I notice things like that, and I really like it when you give me little kisses like in the kitchen or something, its cute. All of your comments and gestures like that I notice and remember. Oh and I like it when you make statements that put me in the future, its thoughtful and it makes me feel like you like me and that's always nice J. I just thought that it I was always going to tell you everything I might as well include some of the good.
I also had a dream today that I was having a nervous breakdown because I miss Sebastian. Its not far from reality.