(no subject)
I haven't written in a while. I'm not sure when the last time was, or what I wrote, but it just seems like it is time.
I think the main reason I haven't written is because I'm haven't really been sure what to say.
I have been kind of busy. I was sick this past week. Pretty bad bladder infection, for into my kidney's. I missed a couple of days of work I am feeling a little better now.
With my hormones all out of wack I spent a couple of days last week crying, but today I woke up and I just didn't care about things as much. Its so hard when you are having mood swings to be like, this will pass....
My mom was here and I took a day off of work and drove out into the country and spent the day cooking and I went runnin gon this old country raod... it felt so good. Right after that I got sick and it is five days since I have worked out or went running. I feel horrible about it but my kidney's were making my back hurt. I'm feeling better now it is just going to suck building back up after a week off.
Is Restess Leg Syndrome really a disease? WTF
So I have been rambling on completely avoiding what it is I should probably sort out.
So I guess a little over a month ago I said I met this "matt" truth is I stalked him on facebook so he could give me some climbing advice... long story short we have not been talked much about climbing. I guess it is now getting to where I'm like... do we hang out too much? What is really going on here. I hate it cause I always feel like I'm not for him, or he thinks I'm too much or something..... When really I need to be thinking he isn't right for me. I never worry what guys think about me, or if they like me , because it is usually so obvious, and he is soo different . I just don't know. I'm worried I don't know how to care about someone. Its hard to think about being with someone when I"m so close and upset about Jordan. I sometimes get angry at Matt because I feel like he is jjust aloof and I could be dying inside and never tell him. He would just grin stupidly and never understand anything. I"m just not sure where this is going. I"m trying to study abroad in Scotland, and I'm wondering.. will I miss Matt?
I should just not care.....
I think the main reason I haven't written is because I'm haven't really been sure what to say.
I have been kind of busy. I was sick this past week. Pretty bad bladder infection, for into my kidney's. I missed a couple of days of work I am feeling a little better now.
With my hormones all out of wack I spent a couple of days last week crying, but today I woke up and I just didn't care about things as much. Its so hard when you are having mood swings to be like, this will pass....
My mom was here and I took a day off of work and drove out into the country and spent the day cooking and I went runnin gon this old country raod... it felt so good. Right after that I got sick and it is five days since I have worked out or went running. I feel horrible about it but my kidney's were making my back hurt. I'm feeling better now it is just going to suck building back up after a week off.
Is Restess Leg Syndrome really a disease? WTF
So I have been rambling on completely avoiding what it is I should probably sort out.
So I guess a little over a month ago I said I met this "matt" truth is I stalked him on facebook so he could give me some climbing advice... long story short we have not been talked much about climbing. I guess it is now getting to where I'm like... do we hang out too much? What is really going on here. I hate it cause I always feel like I'm not for him, or he thinks I'm too much or something..... When really I need to be thinking he isn't right for me. I never worry what guys think about me, or if they like me , because it is usually so obvious, and he is soo different . I just don't know. I'm worried I don't know how to care about someone. Its hard to think about being with someone when I"m so close and upset about Jordan. I sometimes get angry at Matt because I feel like he is jjust aloof and I could be dying inside and never tell him. He would just grin stupidly and never understand anything. I"m just not sure where this is going. I"m trying to study abroad in Scotland, and I'm wondering.. will I miss Matt?
I should just not care.....