ah hem!
I have a lot on my mind...
My mom will be here in a few days, and I cried a little when I thought about it. I never thought I would be living a life with out her. My heart misses her sometimes. I'm having a mom social, where people gather to hang out with my mom. That will rock I assume.
So I have gotten a little closer to Matt than I would like to have. I'm not really sure where to go from here. Tonight Kyle asked me, so what is up with you guys, are you dating... I said no, we are just talking but I don't really understand the difference between the two. I can't get over how different we are. His life seems full of limits, and I feel like i"M always try to change my limits or erase them completely. I feel weak sometimes when I think about Jordan, because he tells me he loves who I am, he really knows me. I can't imagine Matt ever really knowing me and if he did, I can't imagine he would love the person that I am. I"m having all of these thoughts because I tried to tell Kyle why I like Matt, and I just said.. "The guys that are perfect for me, that I would be great with, I never go for" and he went "ah hem" like how you clear your throat. Like he was referencing to himself. I know, I know I said. I totally just turned away from Kyle in a dating sense, but he doesn't know that that has helped me to get closer to him. I was really upset the other day, and I thought about caling him. That is a big deal, he doesn't know that he is becoming one of my best friends. Best friends are more important than some crush. That is how it happened with me and Jordan, he just slowly became more and more important because we became closer friends. And now I"m in love with him.
I'm worried I have a crush on Matt just because he is different, and I'm not sure if that is good or not, but I htink I would be cheating myself if I didn't see where this goes.
I just feel confused right now. I hate that I talk about Matt when he isn't there, and that I want to hang out with him, even though I know he isn't available, and I hate that I think my mom shouldmeet him.
My mom will be here in a few days, and I cried a little when I thought about it. I never thought I would be living a life with out her. My heart misses her sometimes. I'm having a mom social, where people gather to hang out with my mom. That will rock I assume.
So I have gotten a little closer to Matt than I would like to have. I'm not really sure where to go from here. Tonight Kyle asked me, so what is up with you guys, are you dating... I said no, we are just talking but I don't really understand the difference between the two. I can't get over how different we are. His life seems full of limits, and I feel like i"M always try to change my limits or erase them completely. I feel weak sometimes when I think about Jordan, because he tells me he loves who I am, he really knows me. I can't imagine Matt ever really knowing me and if he did, I can't imagine he would love the person that I am. I"m having all of these thoughts because I tried to tell Kyle why I like Matt, and I just said.. "The guys that are perfect for me, that I would be great with, I never go for" and he went "ah hem" like how you clear your throat. Like he was referencing to himself. I know, I know I said. I totally just turned away from Kyle in a dating sense, but he doesn't know that that has helped me to get closer to him. I was really upset the other day, and I thought about caling him. That is a big deal, he doesn't know that he is becoming one of my best friends. Best friends are more important than some crush. That is how it happened with me and Jordan, he just slowly became more and more important because we became closer friends. And now I"m in love with him.
I'm worried I have a crush on Matt just because he is different, and I'm not sure if that is good or not, but I htink I would be cheating myself if I didn't see where this goes.
I just feel confused right now. I hate that I talk about Matt when he isn't there, and that I want to hang out with him, even though I know he isn't available, and I hate that I think my mom shouldmeet him.