I need a new mommy, mine ran away...
I feel like writing, I just don't know what. I am sitting at my desk with wet hair...I guess I should blow dry it.
Ah, my head is pounding with heat now.
I guess I am a person who likes to keep things…Like that small sheep can bring me happiness or pain. Either feeling has worth and provides comfort. If you can feel pain, then that means you are still alive, right? I must still be alive. I am here, sitting and typing this right now. I buy things, to remember how I felt, is that because I am in constant fear that I will stop feeling? Who am I even asking this to right now? I am asking myself, I assume, because I am the only one who has the answers. If things can provoke feelings, then people must have the power to provoke realizations or utter confusion. I seem to only experience the latter. I want to turn the music up so loud that there isn’t room to think, or feel, or debate. In my head there is this constant debate going. There is a little team going over everything and then compiling a list of assumptions, doubts, and ridiculous analogies and comparisons. Something is anything that can be analyzed, gone over, and then dismissed… If only dismissal actually happened, because nothing really gets dismissed… Nothing. If I want to stop thinking, then I must want to cease to exist... Coherent thought seems to define existence… All of those people, those drones, they don’t really exist I’m sure. Republicans are also included in that list, ha. I just threw one of my sheep platforms away, not the sheep of course. I still have guilt though. Like there was some loss when I tossed it into the garbage can… I guess I have a problem. I think everything is loss, and the feeling of loss is depression. I have a constant depression because I consider most things in my life to be a loss. If I consider them differently, will I no longer be depressed? Am I even constantly depressed? I think sometimes I am just observing my differences from others, and I feel loss, I guess. I feel loss because every difference is just another glaring reason to stay away… and I guess people do bring realization. The realization that they can never KNOW me, or you.. or anything… I mean it is such when you know you will never be known and never know anyone. You know things, not people.
I guess I am done…