(no subject)
things are pretty much the same. Im kind of looking for a job, but not really. Im enjoying the city and the beautiful weather. I try and get myself lost to see if I can find my way back and Im getting much better at it. I wear slutty clothes to work because I enjoy the attention and Im trying to love the way I look. and I sometimes do.
I hate, hate, hate body issues. I hate them. I am smart and well educated and interesting and fantastically independent and I still spend a lot of time obsessing over my weight. I dont know why. I dont know how to stop. I spend most of my time counting calories and thinking of clever ways to exercise and then I spend the rest of my time hating myself for being so stupid and then realizing Im actually too thin. what a boring, indulgent, pathetic problem. ugh, self-pitying, cliche, complete waste of time. so very american and typical.
anyone know how to solve this for me? Im retarded.
amanda and I had a strange conversation about how most women will never be diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder but most people we know, ourselves included, actually have very disordered eating habits. people spend years dieting, over-eating, smoking to lost weight, avoiding meals, training themselves to enjoy being hungry, bingeing on cookies, starving. I dont think I know any girl who is consistently happy with her weight.
we are so fucking dumb. Im going to go make myself a snack. I should destroy the mirrors in my apartment.
on a side note, I think Noelle and Cara might be staying with me on their walkabouts. I dont know how that happened, I was kind of caught off guard.
I finished reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I plowed through it in 1 1/2 days and loved it. so well-written, so intimate, so hilarious and wrenching and I related to so much of it. I love that I have time to read. I have entire days where I can get coffee, get some cigarettes, go to a park and read all day. I havent dont that since I lived at home.
I hate, hate, hate body issues. I hate them. I am smart and well educated and interesting and fantastically independent and I still spend a lot of time obsessing over my weight. I dont know why. I dont know how to stop. I spend most of my time counting calories and thinking of clever ways to exercise and then I spend the rest of my time hating myself for being so stupid and then realizing Im actually too thin. what a boring, indulgent, pathetic problem. ugh, self-pitying, cliche, complete waste of time. so very american and typical.
anyone know how to solve this for me? Im retarded.
amanda and I had a strange conversation about how most women will never be diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder but most people we know, ourselves included, actually have very disordered eating habits. people spend years dieting, over-eating, smoking to lost weight, avoiding meals, training themselves to enjoy being hungry, bingeing on cookies, starving. I dont think I know any girl who is consistently happy with her weight.
we are so fucking dumb. Im going to go make myself a snack. I should destroy the mirrors in my apartment.
on a side note, I think Noelle and Cara might be staying with me on their walkabouts. I dont know how that happened, I was kind of caught off guard.
I finished reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I plowed through it in 1 1/2 days and loved it. so well-written, so intimate, so hilarious and wrenching and I related to so much of it. I love that I have time to read. I have entire days where I can get coffee, get some cigarettes, go to a park and read all day. I havent dont that since I lived at home.