I am very tired
I'm writing this here as I'm pretty certain no more than 1, maybe 2, people are still following this feed.
For those that may stumble upon this, no - I'm not planning on anything permanent. I'm just writing to purge out the words adn emotions.
I am so very, very tired. just over a year ang a half ago, the love of my life killed herself. Just over 3 1/2 years ago she and I broke up. It hurt. I still haven't finished doing all the things that are needed to close out and remove her legal existance from the world.
I have a lot of insufficiently processed thought. What I know I really need is to go on a Dream Quest. Whether it's done via drugs, or exercise, or going dark and going bush till I lose myself, it's overdue. And I'm scared. I fear I've gotten to the point where that pain of loss is now part of one of the many anchors of my psyche.
I'm not sure how to move beyond that other than through the anihilation of the ID. probably more in the way of Alan Watts, or Ram Das, or Eugen Herrigel.
I'm so tired
the only thing that is getting me through the days, is taking care of my elderly dog, Mashka.