hp fandom post: hbp fears, cracked!theory and survey.
I was reading this post about fears people have about HBP. I understand some very well. I posted my own, but was pretty short with my reply. In summary, I most fear:
1) That HBP will suck. Seriously. I know a lot of fans who thought OoTP sucked already. I'm still undecided on OoTP, not sure how I feel about the Prophecy and everything, but yes, I fear that it will just overall suck. Maybe not hardcore, but suck anyway.
2) That Ron dies. I couldn't handle that for a number of reasons, even though I have read convincing "Why it's logical that Ron dies in the future books"-essays and whatnot, but it'd just kill me. Ron can't die. If Rowling kills Ron, it's like killing a part of Harry. Hasn't Harry suffered enough? I don't think Hermione should die, either. I have less love for her than I do for Ron, obviously, but I still don't think she should die.
3) Ron & Hermione getting together without any sort of issues. It'd just be wrong. That sort of things always cause problems in friendships, sometimes they can be dealt with and got over with, sometimes not.
What really sort of amuses me, though, is how some people have such a different way to perceive canon and fanon. All these people who fear that Draco will remain a 2D character or that the Death Eaters like Malfoys and Blacks truly would be considered evil, they just confuse me.
I guess it's easier for me, because I'm not a huge fan of the "dark" characters in the series, so it's pretty much guarenteed that I'll get to read about my favourite characters and find more about them in the future books. But sometimes I just wish people wouldn't expect fanon things from Rowling. There are reasons why we have fic. One of them is that some of us feel the books lack of things like anyone shagging or several characters being fleshed out (some minor characters, some slightly more major).
There's nothing wrong with wanting Rowling to flesh out Draco. It is, in my opinion, slightly delusional to think that she will. Because she hasn't, before. And the way I see it, it's highly, highly, highly likely that she will continue to ignore Draco as a character and concentrate on him being a snobby little bitch who everyone hates. As much as I (sometimes) love Draco, I also know that that is his canon persona. As seen by Harry, obviously. And let's face it, Harry/Draco will never happen in the books. If you think it will, I don't want any of the stuff you're smoking. We have our fic. Shouldn't we sometimes just be happy with it?
In other words, HE'S NOT GOING TO WEAR LEATHER PANTS AND SMIRK SEXILY AND BE DUMBLEDORE'S SPY, get the fuck over it.
Moral ambiguity is something that's not on the top of Rowling's list, to be honest. I mean, they are children's books. The last thing you want to do is to confuse children with "Lucius Malfoy is not evil! He's just blah blah blah childhood trauma blah blah blah violence blah blah blah raping Hermione wait what blah blah blah and THAT'S why he's evil, but only sort of!". Okay, I understand that's not exactly what people refer to when they talk about moral ambiguity, but I'm just saying. It's not her style. She doesn't do multi-dimensional characters, she has Almost!Perfect!Dumbledore and Totes!Evil!Voldemort and (in book 5, at least) St00pid!Fudge and everyone character is on someone's side and not in the gray areas between. Lucius Malfoy is a nasty cunt. Or at least that's what Harry thinks. Harry might have the potential to join the dark side, but he doesn't want to. He's a Gryffindor.
Grawp is sexy. And you're all just jealous.
Well, that was sort of pointless. Hmm. Didn't mean to bash anyone. It's just that I find Draco-fanatics quite funny at times. Not all of them, just the "OMGZ WHAT DUZ ROWLING HAVE AGAINST MY SCHWEET ICKLE DRAKKIEPOOOH!". Uhm, I don't know, the fact he's an annoying bully, a racist (or 'bloodist' or whatever) and he has a Death Eater for a father? No, those are obviously his character traits if anything.
So last night I began thinking. And it all makes sense in my head, only not, but I try to shut up that one tiny voice of rationality. Yes, I meant you, Tiny Voice of Rationality. Shut the fuck up.
Harry and Hermione are unidentical twins separated at birth. See, what no one knows is that Lily had to give birth in a Muggle hospital. James wasn't there, he was out, having a pint with Remus or something silly like that and Lily passed out, so she didn't know they had twins. Baby Hermione was accidentally given to a dentist couple from Yorkshire. The staff at the hospital were embarrassed and decided to just plain lie (that just goes to show what kind of people Muggles are!) that the Potters only had one baby. Lily told James off for having a pint with Remus while she was in the worst pain of her life (even worse than having sex with Snape, but she didn't tell James that), but then they both agreed that Harry was a lovely baby, though he screamed a lot.
A LOT.
The truth will probably come out in book six and then they will be utterly confused for a few months, after which Hermione will say that she kind of knew it all along.
Three fool-proof reasons why this theory is obviously superior and true:
1) Star Wars pararrel, hello?
2) They've both got bad hair day, every day. Uhm, genes much?
3) I came up with this at 1am, the hour of Awesome and True Ideas.
And one extra:
4) JKR has always been intentionally vague about Hermione's parents. People always ask her, "What about Hermione's parents?" and she's like, "Oh, NOTHING, they're DENTISTS, nothing INTERESTING or SUSPICIOUS about them, winkwinknudgenudgeGETITYOUIDIOTSahem". That pretty much proves my theory. They're not Hermione's REAL parents! They're the royal couple of Alderaan! Dentists! It all makes sense!
And now, teh poll:
Poll small hp survey of doooom.
Hmm. Sometimes I feel like I really can't take the fandom seriously for more than 5 minutes at a time.