More Hetalia/Fairly Odd Parents Goodness
They've Had it too Good for too Long: "It's your lucky day...you, my friend, have found your very own genie!"
Word Count: 1,663
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Naturally, he wiped the dust off, never expecting that a genie would pop out.
“Hey hey, it’s your lucky day!” the genie exclaimed. “You, my friend, have found your very own genie! The name’s Norm and you get three wishes.”
“Uh…”
“It’s fine, take your time. I’m not in a rush to get back in there, you know…”
“…”
“You have no idea what to wish for do you?”
“Sorry, is it alright if I think about it for a few days?”
“Sure, take all the time you need. If you need me, I’ll be raiding your fridge.” With a snap of his fingers he was gone.
A week passed and Canada still couldn’t think of a wish. Norm had been living in his house the whole time, basically being the worst housemate ever in an attempt to get him to make a wish.
“Who?” Kumajiro asked as Canada feed him.
“Canada.”
“Doesn’t that ever get you down?” Norm asked, pigging out on pancakes. “I know, since you have a magic genie at your disposal and still haven’t used any of your wishes yet, you can wish that your bear thing remembered you!”
“But then he might remember me for all the wrong reasons,” the nation replied, “Besides, I know he’s just kidding. It’s just our little inside joke I suppose.”
“Sheesh, does anything get you down? While you’re thinking of a wish, make me more pancakes.” Just then there was a knock on the door. “Get that after you make me pancakes.”
“Hold on, it could be important.” Canada left the kitchen and opened the door, revealing his brother.
“Hey, guess what?” America said, letting himself in, “I’ve found a way to stop global warming!”
“…really?”
“Why so skeptical? This time it’ll work for sure! Are you making pancakes?” He wandered into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Norm at the table. “Who’s the floaty guy?”
“His name’s Norm. He’s a genie I found in the basement.”
“Cool! So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“He hasn’t wished for anything yet, or else I would have blown this Popsicle stand ages ago! Did you know nothing ever happens in Canada? All it does is snow!”
“Hahaha! That is so true. Except that one time in Vancouver when it didn’t snow. Anyway, about those pancakes…”
“They’re almost done. Why don’t you take a seat at the table?”
“And maybe you can help Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect think of some decent wishes, hm?”
“Well, if it were me, I’d wish for the Middle East to sort itself out.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Canada explained, giving them both pancakes, “but then conflict would just pop up somewhere else. You know it always does.”
“Hmmmm…how about several trillion dollars so I can fix the economy?”
“That sounds good. I do love money wishes!”
“The money has to come from somewhere, so you either have to steal that large sum from the people or print it off, and if you print that much at once, inflation will happen.”
“How about world peace? You can’t go wrong with world peace.”
“Then we’ll probably get attacked by aliens or something.”
“…That sounds awesome!”
“You’re brother is kinda…” Norm made a vague hand gesture, “I know! You can wish him better! Make him smarter, faster, stronger, and more concerned with his actions!”
“What?! You wanna change me?” America looked at Canada like he was about to cry.
“No no! You’re family and I love you the way you-”
“Of course he does! You’re annoying.” Norm butted in. “Seriously, I can change him no problem. Just say the word.”
America hid his eyes under his bangs and went silent, which Canada knew was definitely not a good thing.
“Sorry for wasting your time.” Without another word, he left.
“Why would you say that?! I don’t hate him!”
“What? I’m just saying…”
“Now he probably won’t talk to me for a while…he can get so paranoid and defensive.”
A few more weeks passed in which Canada continued with his life as normal while Norm at all his food and bugged him to make a wish.
“Why don’t you wish for a vacation? Or at least go somewhere! I’m tired of being cooped up in this house all day.”
“Well, I haven’t been to Cuba in a while…”
“Perfect, wish for a Cuban vacation! And take me with you!”
“Why would I wish for it when Cuba already invited me? He’s been bugging me to come down for a while…you can come too if you want…”
“…sometimes I hate you…”
Norm and Canada had a fantastic time in Cuba as soon as he figured out that it wasn’t America trying to invade his shores with some floaty guy. Ice cream and good times were had by all when that misunderstanding was cleared up, until Norm got them kicked out of the country…
“I didn’t know she was actually a guy. Anyway, about those wish…”
“I can’t think of anything yet.”
“What about socks? Who doesn’t love socks? Can’t have enough socks.”
“I have plenty of socks…”
“You could always use more!”
“I don’t need more…”
“That you know of.”
“…What did you do to my socks Norm?”
“You need to wish for something, I’m just trying to speed things up a bit.”
“Norm…”
“Oh Canada!” A voice shouted from the hallway, “I haven’t seen you in weeks and I’m out of maple syrup, which is not awesome!” Prussia found his way into the living room where Canada and Norm were talking. “What’s with the floaty guy?”
“This is Norm, the genie.”
“So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“Nothing! It’s been almost a month and he hasn’t made one wish yet!” Norm sighed, “Most clients are done by the end of the day, but you…”
“I don’t really need anything I can’t get myself…sorry.”
“S’not your fault kid,” Prussia slung an arm around his shoulder, “You’re friends with me after all, what else could you possibly want out of life? How about you wish us up some beer?”
“I have some in the fridge; I don’t need to wish for it…”
“Well then how about-”
“I can’t make you your own country again. We’d have to get the land from somewhere.”
“I don’t see the problem there…”
“Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?”
“That land would most likely come from Germany…”
“…never mind. I don’t want it.”
“What!? C’mon guys I need some wishes here!”
“I’m sorry Norm…I just can’t think of anything.”
“Then why don’t you just let him go?” Prussia asked.
“Hm?”
“What?”
“If you don’t need him, then get rid of him! He’s cramping your style anyway.”
“Whoa there Mr. I-Just-Showed-Up, it doesn’t work like that!” Norm explained, “I can’t go away until I get three wishes out of him.”
“Then just wish him away.”
Canada and Norm stared at him. “Pardon?”
“Yeah, if you don’t need him then just wish that he’d go away, unless you like having him around?”
“Not really, he kind of just yells at me and eats my food…”
“Hey! No need to go that far, the genie union doesn’t look too kindly on being wished away…wouldn’t you rather have a pony or something instead?”
“I don’t think a pony would do very well in Canada…”
“Then wish for a snow pony! Something, anything!”
“He is getting annoying, even with someone as awesome as me being here,” Prussia sighed, “Just wish him away and out of your hair. Let him be someone else’s problem.”
“What? No! You can’t do this to me! There has to be something you want, anything at all! No strings attached, I swear!”
“Bull. There’s always a catch. Toss ‘im out, Canada.”
“I don’t remember when you started making all of Canada’s decisions for him.”
“What?”
“I mean, he is a grown nation, I think he can decide this on his own…”
“I’m not deciding anything! I’m just giving him some of my awesome advice!”
Their shouting grew louder and louder until Canada couldn’t take it anymore.
“I wish you both would just shut up!”
Prussia and Norm both stopped and stared at the blond, who was panting and quite angry.
“That counts, even if I didn’t use magic.”
“I said shut up! Count it if you want, I don’t care! My life was fine until you showed up in it! I don’t need any wishes!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. No one’s life is perfect.”
“Yeah, most of the time people forget about me or confuse me for my brother. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I like it just the way it is, or more accurately the way it was before you showed up. Now I’ve been banned from Cuba and my brother won’t talk to me!”
“Well, you can’t change the past you know…you could wish it all better. You still have two left!”
Prussia smirked and took a seat, choosing to simply watch the show rather than get involved.
“Yes…I think I will just wish it better.” Canada looked Norm in the eye and smiled in a way that would creep even Russia out. “I wish I never found you.”
Norm blinked, “Ah smoof, the Union isn’t going to like this…” and snapped his fingers.
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Instead of wiping it off, he simply threw it out with the rest of the trash and went about his completely normal day.
Word Count: 1,663
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Naturally, he wiped the dust off, never expecting that a genie would pop out.
“Hey hey, it’s your lucky day!” the genie exclaimed. “You, my friend, have found your very own genie! The name’s Norm and you get three wishes.”
“Uh…”
“It’s fine, take your time. I’m not in a rush to get back in there, you know…”
“…”
“You have no idea what to wish for do you?”
“Sorry, is it alright if I think about it for a few days?”
“Sure, take all the time you need. If you need me, I’ll be raiding your fridge.” With a snap of his fingers he was gone.
A week passed and Canada still couldn’t think of a wish. Norm had been living in his house the whole time, basically being the worst housemate ever in an attempt to get him to make a wish.
“Who?” Kumajiro asked as Canada feed him.
“Canada.”
“Doesn’t that ever get you down?” Norm asked, pigging out on pancakes. “I know, since you have a magic genie at your disposal and still haven’t used any of your wishes yet, you can wish that your bear thing remembered you!”
“But then he might remember me for all the wrong reasons,” the nation replied, “Besides, I know he’s just kidding. It’s just our little inside joke I suppose.”
“Sheesh, does anything get you down? While you’re thinking of a wish, make me more pancakes.” Just then there was a knock on the door. “Get that after you make me pancakes.”
“Hold on, it could be important.” Canada left the kitchen and opened the door, revealing his brother.
“Hey, guess what?” America said, letting himself in, “I’ve found a way to stop global warming!”
“…really?”
“Why so skeptical? This time it’ll work for sure! Are you making pancakes?” He wandered into the kitchen and stopped when he saw Norm at the table. “Who’s the floaty guy?”
“His name’s Norm. He’s a genie I found in the basement.”
“Cool! So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“He hasn’t wished for anything yet, or else I would have blown this Popsicle stand ages ago! Did you know nothing ever happens in Canada? All it does is snow!”
“Hahaha! That is so true. Except that one time in Vancouver when it didn’t snow. Anyway, about those pancakes…”
“They’re almost done. Why don’t you take a seat at the table?”
“And maybe you can help Mr. My-Life-Is-Perfect think of some decent wishes, hm?”
“Well, if it were me, I’d wish for the Middle East to sort itself out.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Canada explained, giving them both pancakes, “but then conflict would just pop up somewhere else. You know it always does.”
“Hmmmm…how about several trillion dollars so I can fix the economy?”
“That sounds good. I do love money wishes!”
“The money has to come from somewhere, so you either have to steal that large sum from the people or print it off, and if you print that much at once, inflation will happen.”
“How about world peace? You can’t go wrong with world peace.”
“Then we’ll probably get attacked by aliens or something.”
“…That sounds awesome!”
“You’re brother is kinda…” Norm made a vague hand gesture, “I know! You can wish him better! Make him smarter, faster, stronger, and more concerned with his actions!”
“What?! You wanna change me?” America looked at Canada like he was about to cry.
“No no! You’re family and I love you the way you-”
“Of course he does! You’re annoying.” Norm butted in. “Seriously, I can change him no problem. Just say the word.”
America hid his eyes under his bangs and went silent, which Canada knew was definitely not a good thing.
“Sorry for wasting your time.” Without another word, he left.
“Why would you say that?! I don’t hate him!”
“What? I’m just saying…”
“Now he probably won’t talk to me for a while…he can get so paranoid and defensive.”
A few more weeks passed in which Canada continued with his life as normal while Norm at all his food and bugged him to make a wish.
“Why don’t you wish for a vacation? Or at least go somewhere! I’m tired of being cooped up in this house all day.”
“Well, I haven’t been to Cuba in a while…”
“Perfect, wish for a Cuban vacation! And take me with you!”
“Why would I wish for it when Cuba already invited me? He’s been bugging me to come down for a while…you can come too if you want…”
“…sometimes I hate you…”
Norm and Canada had a fantastic time in Cuba as soon as he figured out that it wasn’t America trying to invade his shores with some floaty guy. Ice cream and good times were had by all when that misunderstanding was cleared up, until Norm got them kicked out of the country…
“I didn’t know she was actually a guy. Anyway, about those wish…”
“I can’t think of anything yet.”
“What about socks? Who doesn’t love socks? Can’t have enough socks.”
“I have plenty of socks…”
“You could always use more!”
“I don’t need more…”
“That you know of.”
“…What did you do to my socks Norm?”
“You need to wish for something, I’m just trying to speed things up a bit.”
“Norm…”
“Oh Canada!” A voice shouted from the hallway, “I haven’t seen you in weeks and I’m out of maple syrup, which is not awesome!” Prussia found his way into the living room where Canada and Norm were talking. “What’s with the floaty guy?”
“This is Norm, the genie.”
“So what did you wish for and can I have it?”
“Nothing! It’s been almost a month and he hasn’t made one wish yet!” Norm sighed, “Most clients are done by the end of the day, but you…”
“I don’t really need anything I can’t get myself…sorry.”
“S’not your fault kid,” Prussia slung an arm around his shoulder, “You’re friends with me after all, what else could you possibly want out of life? How about you wish us up some beer?”
“I have some in the fridge; I don’t need to wish for it…”
“Well then how about-”
“I can’t make you your own country again. We’d have to get the land from somewhere.”
“I don’t see the problem there…”
“Me neither. So one country of Prussia coming up?”
“That land would most likely come from Germany…”
“…never mind. I don’t want it.”
“What!? C’mon guys I need some wishes here!”
“I’m sorry Norm…I just can’t think of anything.”
“Then why don’t you just let him go?” Prussia asked.
“Hm?”
“What?”
“If you don’t need him, then get rid of him! He’s cramping your style anyway.”
“Whoa there Mr. I-Just-Showed-Up, it doesn’t work like that!” Norm explained, “I can’t go away until I get three wishes out of him.”
“Then just wish him away.”
Canada and Norm stared at him. “Pardon?”
“Yeah, if you don’t need him then just wish that he’d go away, unless you like having him around?”
“Not really, he kind of just yells at me and eats my food…”
“Hey! No need to go that far, the genie union doesn’t look too kindly on being wished away…wouldn’t you rather have a pony or something instead?”
“I don’t think a pony would do very well in Canada…”
“Then wish for a snow pony! Something, anything!”
“He is getting annoying, even with someone as awesome as me being here,” Prussia sighed, “Just wish him away and out of your hair. Let him be someone else’s problem.”
“What? No! You can’t do this to me! There has to be something you want, anything at all! No strings attached, I swear!”
“Bull. There’s always a catch. Toss ‘im out, Canada.”
“I don’t remember when you started making all of Canada’s decisions for him.”
“What?”
“I mean, he is a grown nation, I think he can decide this on his own…”
“I’m not deciding anything! I’m just giving him some of my awesome advice!”
Their shouting grew louder and louder until Canada couldn’t take it anymore.
“I wish you both would just shut up!”
Prussia and Norm both stopped and stared at the blond, who was panting and quite angry.
“That counts, even if I didn’t use magic.”
“I said shut up! Count it if you want, I don’t care! My life was fine until you showed up in it! I don’t need any wishes!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. No one’s life is perfect.”
“Yeah, most of the time people forget about me or confuse me for my brother. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I like it just the way it is, or more accurately the way it was before you showed up. Now I’ve been banned from Cuba and my brother won’t talk to me!”
“Well, you can’t change the past you know…you could wish it all better. You still have two left!”
Prussia smirked and took a seat, choosing to simply watch the show rather than get involved.
“Yes…I think I will just wish it better.” Canada looked Norm in the eye and smiled in a way that would creep even Russia out. “I wish I never found you.”
Norm blinked, “Ah smoof, the Union isn’t going to like this…” and snapped his fingers.
Canada was sorting through some of the old boxes in his basement when a peculiar lava lamp fell out of one of them. Not quite remembering where he acquired it, he picked it up to examine it and noticed that it was quite dusty. Instead of wiping it off, he simply threw it out with the rest of the trash and went about his completely normal day.