More Hetalia/Fairly Odd Parents Goodness
A Twist on an Old Classic: "Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help out. We'll go right back when we're done."
“Live! From Timmy’s tree house…it’s, the Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off. And now, heeeere’s Timmy!”
“Thank you, thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight. Here to help me with my report are three of the founder fathers themselves…”
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“Hey, Washington,” America said as he approached the man who was currently chopping up a wooden table in the far corner of Independence Hall, “I know you’re all about to sign the Declaration in a bit, but I was wondering if I could talk to you…”
“Hm? Of course Alfred. I’ll always have time for you.” And with that he vanished.
America gave himself five seconds to let it sink in before panicking and running off to find Franklin.
“Beeeeeeeen!!!” He shouted as he screeched to a halt in front of him. “Washington mysteriously disappeared mysteriously!”
“That’s odd. I was just-” and then he vanished too.
“J-Jefferson!!”
“What are you shouting about now, Alfred?”
“Washington and Franklin just-” but before he could finish that thought, Jefferson was gone as well.
“Why me, why today?!?! This is England’s fault…somehow.”
Meanwhile, in the present…
“You guys can’t just run away like that,” Timmy said as he got his guests seated once more, “If you get lost that could really mess things up, but more importantly I’ll never get my report done!”
“Sorry…” the three founders said in unison as they took their respective seats and Franklin got struck by lightning.
“Timmy!” Cosmo shouted as he flew in from the window, “Air Force Zero is coming in fast!”
“Air Force Zero?! Wait, I thought that was for the president!”
“That’s Air Force One, sweetie.” Wanda corrected.
“Then who’s in Air Force Zero?”
That question was answered five seconds later when a muscular blond man came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHAHA!” He laughed loudly as he stood up, seemingly unharmed with his trip through the quadruple-pain glass. “Not to worry, the HERO has arrived!”
“Who…?” Timmy started to ask, but was interrupted by a cry of “Alfred!” from the men on the couch.
“You can’t just crash through windows like that!” Franklin exclaimed.
“You need to use your head boy,” Jefferson fussed as he brushed stray glass from the man’s hair.
“What if you had gotten hurt?” Washington added.
“But guuuys, I’m fiiine…” the man whined.
“Would someone explain to me what the heck’s going on?!” Timmy shouted.
The founders blanched, blushed, and stood around awkwardly for a bit before Washington caught sight of a wooden post off to the side and ran over to chop it.
“You might want to stop him…” the man said.
“I’ll go get him.” Wanda poofed off after him.
“Who are you? How do you know them? Why are you here? Answer my questions, or I’ll…do something…”
“Alfred F. Jones, I’m with the government. Long story. I sensed a…disturbance and came to investigate, and may I ask, what the heck are you doing with my founding fathers in a tree house talk show studio thing?”
“Uh…well, wait a minute, your founders?”
“Well you see lad,” Franklin explained, “Alfred is sort of the personification of America.”
“What? Is that possible?”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I? Now why are they here, and not signing my Declaration of Independence?!”
“Relax Al,” Jefferson said, scribbling something on his parchment, “Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help. We’ll go right back when we’re done.”
“…is that safe?”
“Yeah sure why not?” Timmy offered.
“Well, okay, I’ll allow it, but I need to stay right here to make sure you put them back when you’re done.”
“When did you become all grown-up?” Washington commented when Wanda dragged him back. Alfred shrugged.
“It must be the new bifocals,” Franklin added, “they are quite nice…where did you get them lad?”
“Oh, I got them from Mexico in 1845. It was pretty sweet.”
“Okay, this whole catching up thing is great and all, but I’ve still got a report to do, so focus back here, ‘kay?” Timmy said as he sat behind his desk. Alfred found a seat in the audience and the Founders sat back on the couch.
Everything was going great…until it stopped being so great.
“Timmy, we need to take a break,” Wanda nagged. “We need to get these guys back to their time period; they’ve been here too long all ready!”
“Relax Wanda. Besides, I think if history had changed, we’d have noticed now, right?”
As if on cue, everything started changing, and everyone left the safety of the tree house to investigate. Electricity vanished and everything became more, well…
“You bloody wanker!” A now specs-less Alfred charged, grabbed Timmy by the shirt and started shaking him, “I ought to sock you one for this, git!”
“I say, don’t get your knickers in a twist now, old bean!” Timmy said, grappling against Alfred’s strength. He let him drop to the ground.
“Oh, piss off!” Everything became more British.
“What’s going on?” Jefferson asked as he and the rest of the founders wandered over.
“Because you guys have been gone to long, America is still a British Colony, and deprived of electricity.” Timmy explained.
“Don’t forget about taxation without representation!” Washington added.
“Huh?”
“’Ello ‘ello! Tax man here!” A random guy said, snatching Cosmo and Wanda’s wands right out of their hands. “Wand tax.” He explained, tipping his hat and leaving as suddenly as he’d shown up.
“I bloody hate taxation without representation…” Alfred lamented. “And core blimey I miss Texas. I can’t see a thing!”
“Whine whine whine,” Timmy taunted, “why don’t you do something about it!”
“You git!” He lunged forward and started strangling the boy. “This is your bleeding fault!”
Jefferson and Washington managed to pull the nation off before he did lasting damage.
“You better have a way to fix this…”
“Ooh! I know!” Cosmo flew back up to the tree house and came back down, riding on a scooter.
“We can take everyone back on the Time Scooter!”
“That’s a great idea Cosmo…that was weird.”
“Almost as weird as me speaking British.” As everyone else scrambled on the scooter, Alfred jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Timmy. “Give this to Colonial me, and no bloody peaking! I think you’ve messed up enough already, savvy?”
He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket before starting the scooter and blasting off into the past.
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“AAAAARGH!!!”
“Calm down Alfred! Just because three of the most important people in this revolution mysteriously vanished at the same time to god knows where doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck as a Colony for life!”
“Yeah, England could decide he’d rather just kill you for defying him…”
“Now that I think about it, we’ll all be hung for treason as well…”
“Not helping guys!” Alfred snapped. He spotted Benedict Arnold off in a corner all by himself, plotting and decided to ask him if he’d had any progress.
“Hey Benny! Any luck on finding the others?”
“Gah! Um, no, not yet…I’m not plotting betrayal or anything…and it’s Benedict. Benedict Arnold.”
“Whatever Benny…” he sighed and turned around to walk away, but remembered something else he wanted to ask, and turned back to find George Washington in his place instead.
“Georgie! There you are!” Alfred grabbed the man into a tight bear hug. “You had me worried! Where are Jefferson and Franklin?”
“Can’t…breathe…” the nation let him go. “There, um, around…somewhere. Check over there while I go talk to Hancock…”
“Wait a second, something seems off…are you sure you’re Washington?”
“Of course I am! Can’t you tell by my white hair, wooden teeth, and love of all things free?”
“Well, good enough for me!” He followed him over to where Hancock was busy signing stuff.
“Hey Hancock, you mind signing this Declaration of Surrenderpendence for me, your friend, George Washington?”
“Sure-wait, isn’t that bad?”
“What?! You’re giving up!?”
“Yes Alfred. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think you have what it takes to beat England. It’s best if we give up now.”
Tears started to form in the young nation’s eyes as Washington coerced Hancock into signing his document, when all of a sudden a blinding flash of light appeared in the middle of the room, revealing the missing founders and some kid on some wheeled contraption of some kind.
Washington jumped up and shot his teeth out, hitting Hancock’s hand and preventing the demise of America before he even had a chance to begin.
“Don’t listen to him! I cannot tell a lie I am the real George Washington! Can’t you tell by the white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?”
“Oh no you didn’t…” the two Washingtons prepared for what would probably have been an epic fistfight if Alfred hadn’t interrupted by hugging the new Washington.
“I knew it! I knew he was a fake! Don’t you ever leave me again ever! None of you!” He shot a look at the other two over Washington’s shoulder.
“Can’t…breathe…”
“Sorry!”
Jefferson had, meanwhile, unmasked the villain to be none other than Benedict Arnold.
“And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren’t for that-”
“Yeah yeah, we’ve heard it all before,” Timmy waved him off. “Well, all you have to do now is sign the Declaration of Independence and we’ll be on our way.”
“We can’t!” Hancock said, “Washington’s wooden teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we’re one signature short!”
“Dude there’s like, twenty other people in the room. Can’t they sign it?”
“Oh yeah…” he wandered off to find another signature.
“Oh! I almost forgot, Alfred,” the nation turned and Timmy handed him the piece of paper. “What is it? Finical tips for when you get the stock market started? Secret British military plans for an easy victory? The suspense is killing me!”
Alfred read the note and whacked Timmy upside the head.
“Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?!”
“Sorry, but the note said it was all your fault and that I should whack you upside the head,” he handed Timmy the note so he could read if for himself. “I don’t know who this Usa is, but the handwriting’s similar to mine, so I trust him. Or her. Or it.”
“Figures…” Timmy started up the Time Scooter and he and his fairies went back home.
Meanwhile, in class the next day…
“You know Turner, most teachers would find this style of delivering a report creative and deserving of reward,” Mr. Crocker said, scribbling Timmy’s grade down. “I however am not one of them. You fail!”
Timmy sighed dejectedly at his grade when the sound of a plane swooping low was heard throughout the classroom.
“It’s Air Force Zero!” one of the children exclaimed when they ran over to the window.
“Oh no…”
Sure enough, five seconds later Alfred Jones came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHA!” He laughed after standing up and brushing the glass off.
“You! Who are you? And you better be paying for those windows!” Croker shouted.
“Sorry sorry, put it on my tab. I’m Alfred F. Jones and I’m with the Department of Education. I have it under good authority that you just failed one Timmy Turner, correct?”
“Yes, but I don’t see how that’s-”
“Well, the higher-ups want me to come and make that an A. Since there government bigwigs, you understand, right?”
“You can’t just-”
“Sure I can!” He grabbed the F and pulled out a giant stamp that changed it to an A. “See? Just did.” Alfred handed the paper back to Timmy. “Let’s just say we’re even now, git.”
“Fine by me.”
“Live! From Timmy’s tree house…it’s, the Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off. And now, heeeere’s Timmy!”
“Thank you, thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight. Here to help me with my report are three of the founder fathers themselves…”
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“Hey, Washington,” America said as he approached the man who was currently chopping up a wooden table in the far corner of Independence Hall, “I know you’re all about to sign the Declaration in a bit, but I was wondering if I could talk to you…”
“Hm? Of course Alfred. I’ll always have time for you.” And with that he vanished.
America gave himself five seconds to let it sink in before panicking and running off to find Franklin.
“Beeeeeeeen!!!” He shouted as he screeched to a halt in front of him. “Washington mysteriously disappeared mysteriously!”
“That’s odd. I was just-” and then he vanished too.
“J-Jefferson!!”
“What are you shouting about now, Alfred?”
“Washington and Franklin just-” but before he could finish that thought, Jefferson was gone as well.
“Why me, why today?!?! This is England’s fault…somehow.”
Meanwhile, in the present…
“You guys can’t just run away like that,” Timmy said as he got his guests seated once more, “If you get lost that could really mess things up, but more importantly I’ll never get my report done!”
“Sorry…” the three founders said in unison as they took their respective seats and Franklin got struck by lightning.
“Timmy!” Cosmo shouted as he flew in from the window, “Air Force Zero is coming in fast!”
“Air Force Zero?! Wait, I thought that was for the president!”
“That’s Air Force One, sweetie.” Wanda corrected.
“Then who’s in Air Force Zero?”
That question was answered five seconds later when a muscular blond man came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHAHA!” He laughed loudly as he stood up, seemingly unharmed with his trip through the quadruple-pain glass. “Not to worry, the HERO has arrived!”
“Who…?” Timmy started to ask, but was interrupted by a cry of “Alfred!” from the men on the couch.
“You can’t just crash through windows like that!” Franklin exclaimed.
“You need to use your head boy,” Jefferson fussed as he brushed stray glass from the man’s hair.
“What if you had gotten hurt?” Washington added.
“But guuuys, I’m fiiine…” the man whined.
“Would someone explain to me what the heck’s going on?!” Timmy shouted.
The founders blanched, blushed, and stood around awkwardly for a bit before Washington caught sight of a wooden post off to the side and ran over to chop it.
“You might want to stop him…” the man said.
“I’ll go get him.” Wanda poofed off after him.
“Who are you? How do you know them? Why are you here? Answer my questions, or I’ll…do something…”
“Alfred F. Jones, I’m with the government. Long story. I sensed a…disturbance and came to investigate, and may I ask, what the heck are you doing with my founding fathers in a tree house talk show studio thing?”
“Uh…well, wait a minute, your founders?”
“Well you see lad,” Franklin explained, “Alfred is sort of the personification of America.”
“What? Is that possible?”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I? Now why are they here, and not signing my Declaration of Independence?!”
“Relax Al,” Jefferson said, scribbling something on his parchment, “Timmy here is trying to do a history report and asked us to help. We’ll go right back when we’re done.”
“…is that safe?”
“Yeah sure why not?” Timmy offered.
“Well, okay, I’ll allow it, but I need to stay right here to make sure you put them back when you’re done.”
“When did you become all grown-up?” Washington commented when Wanda dragged him back. Alfred shrugged.
“It must be the new bifocals,” Franklin added, “they are quite nice…where did you get them lad?”
“Oh, I got them from Mexico in 1845. It was pretty sweet.”
“Okay, this whole catching up thing is great and all, but I’ve still got a report to do, so focus back here, ‘kay?” Timmy said as he sat behind his desk. Alfred found a seat in the audience and the Founders sat back on the couch.
Everything was going great…until it stopped being so great.
“Timmy, we need to take a break,” Wanda nagged. “We need to get these guys back to their time period; they’ve been here too long all ready!”
“Relax Wanda. Besides, I think if history had changed, we’d have noticed now, right?”
As if on cue, everything started changing, and everyone left the safety of the tree house to investigate. Electricity vanished and everything became more, well…
“You bloody wanker!” A now specs-less Alfred charged, grabbed Timmy by the shirt and started shaking him, “I ought to sock you one for this, git!”
“I say, don’t get your knickers in a twist now, old bean!” Timmy said, grappling against Alfred’s strength. He let him drop to the ground.
“Oh, piss off!” Everything became more British.
“What’s going on?” Jefferson asked as he and the rest of the founders wandered over.
“Because you guys have been gone to long, America is still a British Colony, and deprived of electricity.” Timmy explained.
“Don’t forget about taxation without representation!” Washington added.
“Huh?”
“’Ello ‘ello! Tax man here!” A random guy said, snatching Cosmo and Wanda’s wands right out of their hands. “Wand tax.” He explained, tipping his hat and leaving as suddenly as he’d shown up.
“I bloody hate taxation without representation…” Alfred lamented. “And core blimey I miss Texas. I can’t see a thing!”
“Whine whine whine,” Timmy taunted, “why don’t you do something about it!”
“You git!” He lunged forward and started strangling the boy. “This is your bleeding fault!”
Jefferson and Washington managed to pull the nation off before he did lasting damage.
“You better have a way to fix this…”
“Ooh! I know!” Cosmo flew back up to the tree house and came back down, riding on a scooter.
“We can take everyone back on the Time Scooter!”
“That’s a great idea Cosmo…that was weird.”
“Almost as weird as me speaking British.” As everyone else scrambled on the scooter, Alfred jotted something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Timmy. “Give this to Colonial me, and no bloody peaking! I think you’ve messed up enough already, savvy?”
He nodded and stuffed it in his pocket before starting the scooter and blasting off into the past.
Meanwhile, in 1776…
“AAAAARGH!!!”
“Calm down Alfred! Just because three of the most important people in this revolution mysteriously vanished at the same time to god knows where doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck as a Colony for life!”
“Yeah, England could decide he’d rather just kill you for defying him…”
“Now that I think about it, we’ll all be hung for treason as well…”
“Not helping guys!” Alfred snapped. He spotted Benedict Arnold off in a corner all by himself, plotting and decided to ask him if he’d had any progress.
“Hey Benny! Any luck on finding the others?”
“Gah! Um, no, not yet…I’m not plotting betrayal or anything…and it’s Benedict. Benedict Arnold.”
“Whatever Benny…” he sighed and turned around to walk away, but remembered something else he wanted to ask, and turned back to find George Washington in his place instead.
“Georgie! There you are!” Alfred grabbed the man into a tight bear hug. “You had me worried! Where are Jefferson and Franklin?”
“Can’t…breathe…” the nation let him go. “There, um, around…somewhere. Check over there while I go talk to Hancock…”
“Wait a second, something seems off…are you sure you’re Washington?”
“Of course I am! Can’t you tell by my white hair, wooden teeth, and love of all things free?”
“Well, good enough for me!” He followed him over to where Hancock was busy signing stuff.
“Hey Hancock, you mind signing this Declaration of Surrenderpendence for me, your friend, George Washington?”
“Sure-wait, isn’t that bad?”
“What?! You’re giving up!?”
“Yes Alfred. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think you have what it takes to beat England. It’s best if we give up now.”
Tears started to form in the young nation’s eyes as Washington coerced Hancock into signing his document, when all of a sudden a blinding flash of light appeared in the middle of the room, revealing the missing founders and some kid on some wheeled contraption of some kind.
Washington jumped up and shot his teeth out, hitting Hancock’s hand and preventing the demise of America before he even had a chance to begin.
“Don’t listen to him! I cannot tell a lie I am the real George Washington! Can’t you tell by the white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?”
“Oh no you didn’t…” the two Washingtons prepared for what would probably have been an epic fistfight if Alfred hadn’t interrupted by hugging the new Washington.
“I knew it! I knew he was a fake! Don’t you ever leave me again ever! None of you!” He shot a look at the other two over Washington’s shoulder.
“Can’t…breathe…”
“Sorry!”
Jefferson had, meanwhile, unmasked the villain to be none other than Benedict Arnold.
“And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren’t for that-”
“Yeah yeah, we’ve heard it all before,” Timmy waved him off. “Well, all you have to do now is sign the Declaration of Independence and we’ll be on our way.”
“We can’t!” Hancock said, “Washington’s wooden teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we’re one signature short!”
“Dude there’s like, twenty other people in the room. Can’t they sign it?”
“Oh yeah…” he wandered off to find another signature.
“Oh! I almost forgot, Alfred,” the nation turned and Timmy handed him the piece of paper. “What is it? Finical tips for when you get the stock market started? Secret British military plans for an easy victory? The suspense is killing me!”
Alfred read the note and whacked Timmy upside the head.
“Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?!”
“Sorry, but the note said it was all your fault and that I should whack you upside the head,” he handed Timmy the note so he could read if for himself. “I don’t know who this Usa is, but the handwriting’s similar to mine, so I trust him. Or her. Or it.”
“Figures…” Timmy started up the Time Scooter and he and his fairies went back home.
Meanwhile, in class the next day…
“You know Turner, most teachers would find this style of delivering a report creative and deserving of reward,” Mr. Crocker said, scribbling Timmy’s grade down. “I however am not one of them. You fail!”
Timmy sighed dejectedly at his grade when the sound of a plane swooping low was heard throughout the classroom.
“It’s Air Force Zero!” one of the children exclaimed when they ran over to the window.
“Oh no…”
Sure enough, five seconds later Alfred Jones came crashing through the window.
“HAHAHA!” He laughed after standing up and brushing the glass off.
“You! Who are you? And you better be paying for those windows!” Croker shouted.
“Sorry sorry, put it on my tab. I’m Alfred F. Jones and I’m with the Department of Education. I have it under good authority that you just failed one Timmy Turner, correct?”
“Yes, but I don’t see how that’s-”
“Well, the higher-ups want me to come and make that an A. Since there government bigwigs, you understand, right?”
“You can’t just-”
“Sure I can!” He grabbed the F and pulled out a giant stamp that changed it to an A. “See? Just did.” Alfred handed the paper back to Timmy. “Let’s just say we’re even now, git.”
“Fine by me.”