To Learn - Part II
Title: To Learn
Pairing: Ichigo x Ishida
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Summary: Ichigo finds an intellectual way to get closer to Ishida. Ishida doesn't get it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters, nor do I make any money from these endeavors.
For some reason the paragraph indents have gotten a bit messed up and I had to fix it manually, I don't know how close I am but please ignore it if it's wonky. Thank you.
And special thanks to my Beta, bundamba !
Part I
Part II
“Shit. Shit, shit!” Ichigo threw his book bag across his room. It wouldn’t have been that hard to walk away, to just piss Ishida off a little and keep to himself. Instead when it mattered most, he’d cracked. Spectacularly.
It wasn’t in his blood to give in or confide and in that respect, keeping his secret had been easy. It was being so bone-tired and being around the Quincy so often that had begun to take its toll, put cracks in his ability to cope with such an unusual problem. He had thought that his feelings about Ishida would change or disappear, but no such luck. They only became worse.
Ichigo sat down on his bed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“You dumbass,” he cursed himself. Touching Ishida’s face had been elating. Kissing him had been wonderful, as one-sided as it was. But it wasn’t worth it. Now he would lose everything with his friend, all because of a moment’s loss of self-control. Imagining his eyes, his face, his body, all that would be cruelty now. He couldn’t even entertain the fantasy.
Fantasy. About his friend. How sick. If only he were a girl… …If only I liked girls. Fuck it all. Will he tell anyone? What would he say, what would anyone say? Kurosaki, the faggot. I’ll get in even more fights-and I guess I’ll find out who my real friends are.
It would be worth it. It would all be worth it, if only Ishida gave a damn. Ichigo was pretty sure that he didn’t. He lay back on his bed, arm over his eyes, determined to think the worst. Lost and heart-hurt, he stayed that way until his Shinigami badge flashed.
~
In a haze, Ishida walked to his couch and simply fell onto it. He must have had a fever dream or hallucinated, or worse, imagined it. The angry, pain-in-the-ass, stubborn fool hadn’t gently touched his face and kissed him… Uryuu touched his lips lightly, remembering. Kisses were ungodly warm.
Why? Ishida’s exquisite brain was running in circles, wondering why why why and never once thinking of the word “disgust,” which scared the Quincy more than anything else. Why didn’t the thought of Ichigo repulse him now? What kind of man didn’t push away and froze instead? What could he do now that his friend-and yes, he was forced to admit that Kurosaki was a friend-had changed things forever between them?
Why had he never told Kurosaki to stop staring?
He didn’t know.
Uryuu had to do something now; that much was clear. As much as avoidance might be on Kurosaki’s mind, Ishida knew that in most cases, a clear confrontation yielded the best results. All those milling questions in his head demanded to be answered, and once they were, perhaps there would be no problems.
If he viewed this as solving a problem, the Quincy found it was much more comfortable to think about.
The most pressing matter was how to con the Shinigami into having a talk with him in the first place. Uryuu knew that if he had suddenly kissed his best friend there would be no catching him the next day. What a strange thought. …Best friend? Oh, damn. It’s true, isn’t it? Kurosaki is my… that just complicates things further. All the more reason to deal with this quickly.
Next was what critical issues needed to be resolved before the conversation ended, and which questions would do that best, and the quickest. Ichigo would be antsy and want to leave, so there was a limited amount of time to gather information. Unless the Shinigami decided to completely defy expectations… Ishida reflected for a moment that perhaps he was being too clinical about the situation, but he dismissed those concerns quickly. Proper planning never yielded the wrong conclusions.
~
Three Hollows at once. Ichigo had already gracelessly taken care of the first and weakest. He dodged from the dangerously synched remaining pair, having too many near misses for such weak Hollows. Ishida couldn’t help it; Ichigo was wasting time and the Quincy couldn’t stand inefficiency. He shot several arrows at one Hollow and it dissolved quickly, leaving Kurosaki free to slice through the mask of the last assailant.
After he was done, Kurosaki let his sword point rest on the ground while he stared off into the city skyline. His breath was heavy, unusually so. Impossible from such a quick battle, so it was something else. Probably me.
“Kurosaki,” Uryuu called, and jumped down from his perch. Ichigo didn’t turn around. Fear thrilled up his chest, why, he couldn’t say. “Kurosaki,” he repeated.
“I heard ya the first time. I’m waitin’ for what else you have to say,” Ichigo replied calmly, and turned around. His face was anything but calm. It was haunted, angry. His eyes were discreet, but he looked the Quincy up and down in his uniform. Ishida saw all of it, and the sinking feeling in his stomach warned him that this wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d thought.
“We should talk. At my apartment would be best, I think,” Ishida offered mechanically. Non-committal speech, no emotions. Those were what Ishida needed to remember about this conversation.
“Can’t you just call me a fag out in the open and get it over with?” Kurosaki asked bitterly. Uryuu was genuinely taken aback.
“I would never refer to you with such crude language; much less use it at all.”
“…” Ichigo didn’t look like he believed it. What would make him? Ah, of course… Mind screaming against it, Ishida allowed a bit of emotion into his voice.
“We need to talk, and we should do it before school. You answer my questions and I’ll answer yours,” Uryuu offered quietly and adjusted his glasses.
“I think I already got an answer,” Kurosaki replied with a scowl. How could he not have more questions? Ishida wondered. Maybe he was hiding them; maybe he was hoping they could just be done with this.
“Stop being so difficult and let’s go,” the Quincy commanded coldly. He turned and left, hoping the Shinigami would follow him. While it took a minute or so, Ishida could tell that the reluctant teen was behind him from his wild reiatsu. Kurosaki really needed to learn how to control it. Maybe if this meeting didn’t end in disaster, Uryuu could be the one to help.
Once inside the apartment, Ishida quietly shut the door behind them and sat down across from Kurosaki in the living room. An awkward silence stretched between them, one that Ichigo broke.
“You said you had questions,” he said with a grimace.
“…Why’d you do it?” Uryuu asked stoically.
“You’re idiotic,” Ichigo replied flatly.
“Knowing you, it could have been some…cruel prank!” He regretted his choice of words almost instantly.
“Cruel? …I guess I deserve that,” Kurosaki said stiffly. “…But I didn’t do it to be cruel.” Ishida remained silent. “I did it because being around you is driving me crazy,” Ichigo said, hands closing into fists. “Because I can’t stop watching you.”
“Why?” he could only ask the same question. His careful plans for the meeting had so quickly disappeared from his head, and now he seemed unable to think on his feet.
“Fuck, I can’t do this, Ishida,” Kurosaki said, looking away.
“I need to know! I have a right to know,” he insisted. Ichigo turned to glare at him. “Say it,” the words came unbidden from Ishida’s mouth.
“No,” he said bitterly, and stood up. “I won’t be interrogated, you bastard. I shouldn’t’ve agreed to this.” The Quincy’s mouth went dry.
“I want things to stay the same,” he insisted as though it were the only logical course.
“I think I messed that up already,” Ichigo muttered.
“No. I can ignore it. Can’t you just…” Uryuu trailed off.
“Pretend? Yeah, sure Ishida. Tomorrow, everything’ll be fine between us. I promise,” Ichigo said with resignation; the tone hurt to hear. After a moment the Shinigami walked away, and so the Quincy’s way of life was preserved.
Kurosaki is the one who messed up. So why do I feel terrible?
COMMUNITY DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations in this post/fanfiction/fanart (including material in the comments) are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.