Christmas Eve... doo de doo
So today I woke up and called like everyone i knew to wish them a Merry Christmas, and to tell them about how much of a bitch Melissa is so I could get some opinions on that. Basically the consensus is right in line with my conclusion: I need to cut the mom out of my relationship with Jordan, and just see the kid.
Cleaned out my car... now I have a desk full of crap at my Farmington pad that needs to be filed. Started the day with a beer and a fattie cheeseburger with double bacon. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me... lol. So needless to say I was sluggish for the remainder of the day. Bought presents for the folks. Returned a movie. Got home and celebrated my mom's birthday (she's a xmas baby) I bought some cute little raspberry squishypuffs to eat tomorrow morning with our regular nog and grog. It promises to be rather yummy. :)
I was so proud a few days ago when I deposited 3 checks, and watched my checking account soar to wonderous heights, only to crash down in flames, as like a ton of bills, a few back checks from like a month ago (!!) and all my Christmas shopping got deducted, leaving me with a pittance to show for myself this month. *sigh*
I think I need to get a lil less fussy with the jobs I'm applying for. Maybe it's asking a bit much to expect to become an assistant manager so soon. It's just hard to find entry level stuff that'd capitalize on my education... tho I do have several eggs in my basket, so hopefully one will come thru for me. I don't think P-Town sent me a packet, which means I guess I won't get to manage the Second Gayest City in the World. (fiddlesthticks!) =o( O well... life goes on. :)
Bills man. Fuckin bills. I started paying off my student loans today. I gotta set up a different payplan, like one based on my income (lol).
I feel rather distant from my spiritual self. I kinda realized that with Kristen. She did all her little ceremonies and all that good stuff, and I admire that, but at this point I just can't see myself doing that. I'd be out in the woods in my goddamn suit and tie waving around a burning bundle of sage, rolling my eyes. What gives? Deep down I really do have great respect and belief in spirituality, but I'm just very much wrapped up in the matrix right now. I think it's because I just need to be at this point in my life. The matrix has some things to teach me before I return back to my place of solitude, where perhaps I've spent far too much time throughout my life and not enough time "getting with the program." I've always had a bad habit of walking away from challenges, especially human challenges. Quitting shit jobs, ex-communicating dramatic friends, walking away from troubled relationships. Having a job I can't quit has been great for me in that regard. I just HAVE to tough it out. It's my golden opportunity to develop a career, and I never question my dedication to it. I suppose that's something somewhat unique in my life, aside from my dedication to education in general that got me through so much schooling.
I'm slowly learning discipline. Something that doesn't get taught universally. I have more discipline than some... I can take a LOT of criticism before even waivering. I can have people insult me at work, and in life, and come back with calm and collective responses. I have a calm temper in that I don't blow up when it has a risk of impacting me or someone I care about. I show up to work everyday... albeit not on time, but if they cared they'd obviously have made a stink by now. But here'sa a lil exercise I've been wanting to do:
Here's a rundown of a typical day in Brian's life:
7:00 am: wake up
7:03 am: go back to sleep
7:40 am: wake up and think about stuff
7:47 am: masturbate
7:48 am: go back to sleep
8:10 am: wake up and think about how I'm not gonna make it to work by 8:30
8:20 am: get out of bed
8:22 am: think about what exactly it is that I'm supposed to do first after getting out of bed
8:26 am: figured it out! I need to shower! grab socks out of drawer
8:30 am: get out of bed (hey! how'd I... oh nevermind!)
8:32 am: grab tee shirt out of drawer and go shower
8:38 am: having stared at the shower head for 6 minutes and thought about junk, I soap up and brush my teeth and wash my hair, etc
8:40 am: get out of shower and dry off; shave
8:45 am: get all dressed up and goo my hair cuz that's all I know to do with it!
8:50 am: start tying my tie
8:56 am: finish tying my tie- look for shoes
8:59 am: a ha! Under the bed once again! Now where's my left hand glove?
9:04 am: get in car
9:05 am: get out of car and go back to get whatever it was that I forgot in the house
9:08 am: get back in car; start car
9:15 am: arrive at work
9:18 am: clock in, say hi to the switchboard operator
9:20 am: get to my desk and sort through pile of stuff; turn computer on
9:27 am: damn old-ass computer is finally booted. Check the news on Yahoo
9:38 am: check email
9:45 am: check personals sites
9:52 am: check phone messages
10:03 am: respond to messages, make phone calls, follow-ups, etc
10:30 am: update my to do list
10:45 am: start doing something on my to do list
4:30 pm: holy crap, what do you mean it's 4:30?!
5:00 pm: finish up what I'm doing... hang out late and chat online at work
8:00 pm: leave work and get food
9:00 pm: sit in a parking lot somewhere and talk to people on the cellphone
10:30 pm: come home, go to bed in a pile of laundry
Okay, so if any of you had any sort of sexual or dating interest in me, THAT should be the end of THAT! LoL
Now here's what I'd LIKE my day to look like
6:30 am: wake up to the sound of birds chirping, feeling energetic and pure
6:31 am: read a selection from a randomly selected inspirational book, of which I have many
6:50 am: put on some long johns and go for a jog, regardless of weather or season!
7:15 am: get home and shower
7:30 am: get pants and tee shirt on and have a nice healthy breakfast
7:40 am: grab my business clothes (pre-prepared) and head on over to the gym for a workout
7:50 am: arrive at gym; work out (weights, since I had my cardio already)
8:10 am: shower and change
8:25 am: leave gym for work
8:30 am: arrive at work and say hi to everyone as they clock in
8:35 am: sit down at neat desk and log into computer, looking over to do list
8:40 am: check town emails and phone messages and reply; make coffee for me and shirley
9:00 am: do some work on a long term project
10:30 am: make copies for packet
11:00 am: update Shirley's correspondence book
11:30 am: fill supply orders for the day
12:00 pm: lunch- a dollar salad at BK and a protein bar! yum! and for only $2.16!
1:00 pm: back from lunch; dedicated office maintenance time (sort files, print labels, clean up, etc)
2:00 pm: systematically go through to do list items till end of day
4:00 pm: clean up desk, make out tomorrow's to do list
4:30 pm: go back to gym
5:15 pm: leave gym; make my phone calls
5:45 pm: go to the store and get some food (real food!)
6:15 pm: go home and cook it
6:40 pm: eat it
7:00 pm: put on some classical music and do some reading
9:00 pm: fill out job applications and write cover letters
9:45 pm: set up gym clothes and business clothes for tomorrow
10:00 pm: go to bed
Hmm... I think I'm gonna print this out. I think what I'm gonna do is print this out and think about where I'm going wrong... and try to actually live out the second schedule on Monday. See how it works... It obviously won't work, but any attempt would be in the right direction. And I can continue to analyze how, where, and why I'm falling short of my expectations. Yes, the latter list is what I must expect from myself. I copied it directly from the "Expectations" section of my brain, which is why I can be so frustrated with myself at times. I have high expectations, so I just kinda sluff em all off and just bum it out.
Much to think about.
Cleaned out my car... now I have a desk full of crap at my Farmington pad that needs to be filed. Started the day with a beer and a fattie cheeseburger with double bacon. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me... lol. So needless to say I was sluggish for the remainder of the day. Bought presents for the folks. Returned a movie. Got home and celebrated my mom's birthday (she's a xmas baby) I bought some cute little raspberry squishypuffs to eat tomorrow morning with our regular nog and grog. It promises to be rather yummy. :)
I was so proud a few days ago when I deposited 3 checks, and watched my checking account soar to wonderous heights, only to crash down in flames, as like a ton of bills, a few back checks from like a month ago (!!) and all my Christmas shopping got deducted, leaving me with a pittance to show for myself this month. *sigh*
I think I need to get a lil less fussy with the jobs I'm applying for. Maybe it's asking a bit much to expect to become an assistant manager so soon. It's just hard to find entry level stuff that'd capitalize on my education... tho I do have several eggs in my basket, so hopefully one will come thru for me. I don't think P-Town sent me a packet, which means I guess I won't get to manage the Second Gayest City in the World. (fiddlesthticks!) =o( O well... life goes on. :)
Bills man. Fuckin bills. I started paying off my student loans today. I gotta set up a different payplan, like one based on my income (lol).
I feel rather distant from my spiritual self. I kinda realized that with Kristen. She did all her little ceremonies and all that good stuff, and I admire that, but at this point I just can't see myself doing that. I'd be out in the woods in my goddamn suit and tie waving around a burning bundle of sage, rolling my eyes. What gives? Deep down I really do have great respect and belief in spirituality, but I'm just very much wrapped up in the matrix right now. I think it's because I just need to be at this point in my life. The matrix has some things to teach me before I return back to my place of solitude, where perhaps I've spent far too much time throughout my life and not enough time "getting with the program." I've always had a bad habit of walking away from challenges, especially human challenges. Quitting shit jobs, ex-communicating dramatic friends, walking away from troubled relationships. Having a job I can't quit has been great for me in that regard. I just HAVE to tough it out. It's my golden opportunity to develop a career, and I never question my dedication to it. I suppose that's something somewhat unique in my life, aside from my dedication to education in general that got me through so much schooling.
I'm slowly learning discipline. Something that doesn't get taught universally. I have more discipline than some... I can take a LOT of criticism before even waivering. I can have people insult me at work, and in life, and come back with calm and collective responses. I have a calm temper in that I don't blow up when it has a risk of impacting me or someone I care about. I show up to work everyday... albeit not on time, but if they cared they'd obviously have made a stink by now. But here'sa a lil exercise I've been wanting to do:
Here's a rundown of a typical day in Brian's life:
7:00 am: wake up
7:03 am: go back to sleep
7:40 am: wake up and think about stuff
7:47 am: masturbate
7:48 am: go back to sleep
8:10 am: wake up and think about how I'm not gonna make it to work by 8:30
8:20 am: get out of bed
8:22 am: think about what exactly it is that I'm supposed to do first after getting out of bed
8:26 am: figured it out! I need to shower! grab socks out of drawer
8:30 am: get out of bed (hey! how'd I... oh nevermind!)
8:32 am: grab tee shirt out of drawer and go shower
8:38 am: having stared at the shower head for 6 minutes and thought about junk, I soap up and brush my teeth and wash my hair, etc
8:40 am: get out of shower and dry off; shave
8:45 am: get all dressed up and goo my hair cuz that's all I know to do with it!
8:50 am: start tying my tie
8:56 am: finish tying my tie- look for shoes
8:59 am: a ha! Under the bed once again! Now where's my left hand glove?
9:04 am: get in car
9:05 am: get out of car and go back to get whatever it was that I forgot in the house
9:08 am: get back in car; start car
9:15 am: arrive at work
9:18 am: clock in, say hi to the switchboard operator
9:20 am: get to my desk and sort through pile of stuff; turn computer on
9:27 am: damn old-ass computer is finally booted. Check the news on Yahoo
9:38 am: check email
9:45 am: check personals sites
9:52 am: check phone messages
10:03 am: respond to messages, make phone calls, follow-ups, etc
10:30 am: update my to do list
10:45 am: start doing something on my to do list
4:30 pm: holy crap, what do you mean it's 4:30?!
5:00 pm: finish up what I'm doing... hang out late and chat online at work
8:00 pm: leave work and get food
9:00 pm: sit in a parking lot somewhere and talk to people on the cellphone
10:30 pm: come home, go to bed in a pile of laundry
Okay, so if any of you had any sort of sexual or dating interest in me, THAT should be the end of THAT! LoL
Now here's what I'd LIKE my day to look like
6:30 am: wake up to the sound of birds chirping, feeling energetic and pure
6:31 am: read a selection from a randomly selected inspirational book, of which I have many
6:50 am: put on some long johns and go for a jog, regardless of weather or season!
7:15 am: get home and shower
7:30 am: get pants and tee shirt on and have a nice healthy breakfast
7:40 am: grab my business clothes (pre-prepared) and head on over to the gym for a workout
7:50 am: arrive at gym; work out (weights, since I had my cardio already)
8:10 am: shower and change
8:25 am: leave gym for work
8:30 am: arrive at work and say hi to everyone as they clock in
8:35 am: sit down at neat desk and log into computer, looking over to do list
8:40 am: check town emails and phone messages and reply; make coffee for me and shirley
9:00 am: do some work on a long term project
10:30 am: make copies for packet
11:00 am: update Shirley's correspondence book
11:30 am: fill supply orders for the day
12:00 pm: lunch- a dollar salad at BK and a protein bar! yum! and for only $2.16!
1:00 pm: back from lunch; dedicated office maintenance time (sort files, print labels, clean up, etc)
2:00 pm: systematically go through to do list items till end of day
4:00 pm: clean up desk, make out tomorrow's to do list
4:30 pm: go back to gym
5:15 pm: leave gym; make my phone calls
5:45 pm: go to the store and get some food (real food!)
6:15 pm: go home and cook it
6:40 pm: eat it
7:00 pm: put on some classical music and do some reading
9:00 pm: fill out job applications and write cover letters
9:45 pm: set up gym clothes and business clothes for tomorrow
10:00 pm: go to bed
Hmm... I think I'm gonna print this out. I think what I'm gonna do is print this out and think about where I'm going wrong... and try to actually live out the second schedule on Monday. See how it works... It obviously won't work, but any attempt would be in the right direction. And I can continue to analyze how, where, and why I'm falling short of my expectations. Yes, the latter list is what I must expect from myself. I copied it directly from the "Expectations" section of my brain, which is why I can be so frustrated with myself at times. I have high expectations, so I just kinda sluff em all off and just bum it out.
Much to think about.