Fucked Up
My head is so messed up right now. It's not fair.
I don't know what's bought this on, but I get a feeling it's self-inflicted somehow.
I have so many people and past relationships on my mind and its FREAKING me out.
Ok, so Jamie, he's in my head. Since I saw him on Monday a lot of feelings for him have come back to me, and I find myself lying int he dark wishing we were at Reel Big Fish again, making out in the dark. And Craig, OMG Craig. I don't know what's going on there, but I've developed a huuuuge crush on him, and I constantly think about him. I don't know what it is, but I like him. He's hot, he's funny, he has a great personality... I mean wow.
then there's the weirdest thing of all. Dom. I was fucking about on my MSN contacts, and I saw Doms addy, so I checked out his profile, which linked me to his myspace, where there's pictures of him, and everything from this time two years ago came flooding back. I want him so badly, but he's still with Zoe, and even then, after everything we went through I don't even know if I could deal with it.
I don't think I could deal with anything right now.
Something in my head is screaming at me, I'm losing my identity, and there's nothing to help me find myself. I don't know who I am, who I want to be, or why I should even bother to wake up tomorrow. Something just snapped inside of me, and I don't know what. And with all this confusion over other guys is making me doubt me and Mark. I mean, what makes us such a couple? Are we even good together? Does he even like me? Do I really love him? Do I really even like him? Is it a relationship, or am I just a sex toy?
I wanna scream! I wanna slam my head into the wall repeatedly. And as retarded as you may all think this is, I want vodka and razorblades.
And most of all, i want to be in love, properly, mutually....happily
I don't know what's bought this on, but I get a feeling it's self-inflicted somehow.
I have so many people and past relationships on my mind and its FREAKING me out.
Ok, so Jamie, he's in my head. Since I saw him on Monday a lot of feelings for him have come back to me, and I find myself lying int he dark wishing we were at Reel Big Fish again, making out in the dark. And Craig, OMG Craig. I don't know what's going on there, but I've developed a huuuuge crush on him, and I constantly think about him. I don't know what it is, but I like him. He's hot, he's funny, he has a great personality... I mean wow.
then there's the weirdest thing of all. Dom. I was fucking about on my MSN contacts, and I saw Doms addy, so I checked out his profile, which linked me to his myspace, where there's pictures of him, and everything from this time two years ago came flooding back. I want him so badly, but he's still with Zoe, and even then, after everything we went through I don't even know if I could deal with it.
I don't think I could deal with anything right now.
Something in my head is screaming at me, I'm losing my identity, and there's nothing to help me find myself. I don't know who I am, who I want to be, or why I should even bother to wake up tomorrow. Something just snapped inside of me, and I don't know what. And with all this confusion over other guys is making me doubt me and Mark. I mean, what makes us such a couple? Are we even good together? Does he even like me? Do I really love him? Do I really even like him? Is it a relationship, or am I just a sex toy?
I wanna scream! I wanna slam my head into the wall repeatedly. And as retarded as you may all think this is, I want vodka and razorblades.
And most of all, i want to be in love, properly, mutually....happily