I Feel Terrible
Damn me and my inability to just say no. One of my best friends has been into me for a while and I've been trying so hard to keep him in the friend zone. I thought I was doing a good job but last night when he moved in to kiss me, I just laid there and let him. I knew I wasn't into it. I knew I didn't like him in a romantic way but I still kissed him back. And eventually when he saw how distant I was becoming, he said that it seems like I didn't want to kiss him. Of course I didn't want to kiss you. I never initiated the kiss in the first place. I hate that some people are so into someone that they create moments in their head and convince themselves that the red flags aren't there (yeah, I know: kettle meet pot). I never led him on in any way. In fact, when he admitted to his feelings to me a long time ago, I told him that I wasn't into him like that. I made it no secret that I only liked him as a friend. Yet, he still kept pushing forward and then he practically begged for us to try a casual thing with each other and I've given him every reason not to. Including the fact that I don't have those kind of feelings for him. He's not listening. He just thinks I'm scared. I hate this. I just want my friend to be my friend.