"I got memories, I got shit. So much it don't show..."
Oh man, I don't know what's wrong with me. I think my mood changes each time I take a breath. The problem is that I have these extreme highs and lows. On the rare occasion that I'm just feeling in-between-ish, it's pure misery anyway. Mediocrity is the bane of my existence. I've been meaning to update all day, but kept changing my mind about what I wanted to say. At first I was super-excited for seemingly no reason at all. Then I read something that made me feel queezy and kinda sad, which led to thoughtful introversion. Right now I don't wanna say anything, really, just that I'm feeling crummy. I almost feel guilty about it because I have so much to be happy and excited for. But believe me, if I could help it I would. And I'm thinking I don't really know how I feel about anything....and... it's hard to admit, but I don't know how anyone really feels about me. And that shakes me to my very core. I don't think anything could be scarier than the thought that you don't mean much to anyone. I hate having those thoughts. Usually I just try to tell myself that I'm being uncharacteristically pessimistic and snap out of it. I try to think about my friends and how great they are, how much they mean to me. Still, those doubts eventually creep back in, and I need reassurance from someone other than myself. I really don't wanna be the person you're only friends with when they're around. I want to actually matter in someone's life, to be part of their happiness. I need to know that I'm worth the while. Because, if not, I'm just a waste of space.