Haven't I always said this time of year SUCKS?!
Quick run down of the last week and a half:
Got fired. Twice. Two different jobs, twenty-four hours apart. Don't get unemployment until after a department of labor hearing on the 21st. Found out how truly assinine my bosses were, all three of them, and how disgustingly slimy and cowardly the doctors are. Also found out how ridiculous my insurance premiums are and how horrible it will be to come up with three month's worth in the next week.
Best friend at work got fired a week later. Blood pressure went sky high when I found out how they dealt with her. Upset just beccause I know how much she loved that job. Especially frustrating because it was completely out of the blue for her. Find out how obnoxious some of the other employees are and how long shit has been going on behind the scenes. Debate going to the labor board and human rights, but get chills thinking about dealing with the law and possibly facing one of the most intimidating men I know that I'm NOT related to.
Spend the day after I'm fired from the second job being miserable, but go out that night anyway. Spend night AFTER karaoke at boyfriend's house. Enjoy immensely every incredibly blissful second of falling asleep in his arms, hand running through my hair, watching tv. Wake up happily to him tucking me back in and kissing my forehead before running upstairs to shower before work.
See boyfriend off to work. Drive home. Go back to bed until three in the afternoon. Have EX-boyfriend call twelve times between the time I get home and three pm, trying to get me motivated for the day. Finally tell him I'm out of bed. Shower, pick ex up and run errands. See ex for first time in almost six months. Happily surprised at the mature intelligent conversation. Even enjoy a nice dinner together at our favorite restaurant. Go back to house he is living out to hang out and talk more, suddenly get very nervous. Fight incredible urge to wrap arms around said EX and try to make out with him. Discuss how it is a very good thing both are dating other people and are reasonably happy in other relationships. Realize ex is falling hardcore for his new girlfriend and point this out like a good friend while seeing green and feeling heart break.
Sleep through next day. Call unemployment on Wednesday and find out they will need a hearing to decide if I am eligible. Am told to continue to call weekly until the hearing to place claims, backed checks will be sent after a decision is made. Realize all this is going to be harder than I even imagined, and get nervous at the thought of dealing with ex-bosses any more than I have to already. Suddenly question validity of my own thoughts, abilities, and feelings regarding this ex-job and entire situation. Start wondering incessantly if maybe I DID do something really wrong and if this horrible history will repeat itself in the future if I don't figure out what this incredible flaw is and fix it.
Update resume. Make goofy freudian slip, father catches it and I fix it, only to find out he sent the INCORRECT one to a couple of managers in his company. Almost cry, until Mom reminds him to go in the next day and send the correct version with an explanation and apology. Am told one manager is very interested and should be contacting me for an interview. Don't hear from him...ever.
Wednesday night, go to bowling alley to watch boyfriend bowl. His best friend got the job at Woodstock academy. All of us are incredibly happy and spend the evening congratulating him. Kevin is in such a good mood from getting this job that he is smiling more in those three hours than I have seen him smile in eight months. And seeing as we dated for a short time as well, I've seen him smile a lot in eight months. Mention in passing that I would love to meet up with boyfriend after he goes for their bar celebration to spend the night with him. Get told no, not a good idea. His father is in one of his "moods." Try to explain that I have dealt with a lot of "moody" (read: drunk/abusive) men in my life, and can deal. Boyfriend looks worried and nervous and insists we wait. No problem.
Boyfriend calls after bar closes to ask if I will come spend the night. Remind him I am already in bed, and although I'm glad he rethought his reasoning, I'd rather not get out of bed to dress and pack at such an hour, not to mention drive the twenty minutes to his house. Ask if we can plan for next night or night after. Get a quick apology and a "sure. I'll call you later."
Contact bank at some point. Find out that NO, they do not have unemployment insurance. Think about strangling loan officer who gave impression that they did and that I was covered. Talk to my personal collection agent, who tells me to have co-signer fill out and sign paperwork for "skip-a-payment" holiday promotion and put off December payment. She says to call and talk to her in a month if things are still in the air and maybe she can do something else at that time. Know that we have bought some time, but bawl eyes out for five or ten minutes when it sinks in that although I was no where near financially independent, at least my income had previously been stable and now I am hanging in limbo and may lose the truck I've been working my ass off for for months.
Suck it up and call cousin. Begrudgingly admit being fired. Twice. In twenty-four hours. Set up time to get together to sign paper so I can drop it back off at bank. Never get together, keep playing phone tag for a week.
Friday. A week from loss of first job. Get woken up at two in the morning by ringing cell phone. It's boyfriend. Smile as I pick up, thinking he's calling to say goodnight, which he does MOST nights, if not all. Realize he sounds like he's been drinking more than usual, especially when he says "I don't want to talk on the phone. Can you come over?" Calmly remind him that I am in bed and half asleep, that I will not be waking my parents up to tell them I'm going out in the middle of the night. Decide against inviting him over here because I would never forgive myself if he got into an accident because he was drinking and driving and on his way to or from my house. Convince him to just talk now or plan on the next night. Get the "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends" speech. Floored. Didn't see that coming either. Manage to keep voice steady while reassuring now EX-boyfriend that no, I am not mad, he has to do what he has to do and we will still be friends. Get off phone and pull out hair for having such a crappy week and feeling like everything is spinning out of control...my worst fear.
Think back on conversation other ex-boyfriend and I had the day before. I tried to tell him I was only dating this guy for a warm body and a nice, surface, superficial relationship with few strings and no work. Realize ex was right when he reminded me that I don't settle for anything or anyone, and that I couldn't have a superficial surface relationship if my life depended on it. Realize that although things were not incredibly serious, I had wanted them to be and saw major potential. Vow to get to the bottom of this sudden change of heart and perhaps get man back in reasonably near future. Primary goal: to convince him I am not like other woman and that I will support him in the decisions he seems to think will push me away.
Spend Friday and Saturday in bed, miserable. Snap at anyone who calls or wants to go out. Realize I'm snapping but don't care. Only have civil conversations with very good friends who understand mood and avoid anyone I would have to "impress," such as navy guy who wants to go on a date Saturday night. Know he thinks I'm being obnoxious and blowing him off, don't really care and have no desire to protect his feelings. Do remember to email and apologize for nasty attitude a few days later. After giving me a hard time, he accepts.
Sunday again. Karaoke...again. Ex of two days calls to ask if I am going tonight. Yes, I'll be there. Good, he'll see me later. A little weirded out, a little nervous, but looking forward to it. Aunt comes as well, meet up with a couple of friends, hang out with the DJ's. Crazy things happen that cannot be discussed...most of them have nothing to do with me. Ex shows up, as promised. He is moody. Goes back and forth between being right next to me and saying things like he only came out at all to see me and ignoring me or acting angry with me. Can't figure out what's going on, start to wonder if decision to "break-up" was maybe not one he liked making. Don't really bring it up. Get invited to an afterparty at gorgeous guy's apartment. Decline, saying too late to call home and say I will be late. Ask him for advance notice next time. End up in parking lot, listening to ex, who has also asked me to spend night. He is obviously confused about either his feelings for me or how to deal with them. Tells me at one point to just get the hell out and go home, quickly, because he knows he is confusing me even more. I think he's the one confused. Tell him relationship never had anything to do with sex, and that I would have no problem going home with him, my feelings haven't changed, however, I think he needs some rest and time to think. Glimmer of hope that maybe things will work out if I can open my mouth and my heart, lay feelings out at some point soon. After a short but deep conversation, we both end up at gorgeous guy's apartment where it is obvious afterparty was only supposed to be guy and me. Ex is eyeing me and apartment owner, looking a bit jealous around the edges, but not saying anything. Gorgeous apartment owner is obviously interested in me, but not sure what is going on between me and other guy. Never knew we were dating in first pliace, but is apparently afraid to make a move. Decide in the hour I am there that gorgeous guy is still gorgeous, but is not my type and does not have a chance even when I decide to date other people. Go home, wait for traditional Sunday-night check-in from ex, go to bed, more messed up in head than ever.
Monday, go to lunch with friend's boyfriend. Knew he wanted second opinion while Christmas shopping. Did not know going into lunch date what an important gift he was looking for. Spend time in an expensive jewelry botique explaining to sales lady that no, this ring is definitely not for me and we are definitely not a couple. Learn once again why I adore Steve so much and wish, not for the first time, that I had found him first. Am super grateful he and I are friends, regardless of his significant other.
Tuesday...try again. Sleep too late, get next to nothing done. Get massive headache browsing want ads and classified online. Go to training and realize being a tax preparer is more daunting every day. Come home, eat, watch tv, snuggle puppies, and wish life were always that simple...
Got fired. Twice. Two different jobs, twenty-four hours apart. Don't get unemployment until after a department of labor hearing on the 21st. Found out how truly assinine my bosses were, all three of them, and how disgustingly slimy and cowardly the doctors are. Also found out how ridiculous my insurance premiums are and how horrible it will be to come up with three month's worth in the next week.
Best friend at work got fired a week later. Blood pressure went sky high when I found out how they dealt with her. Upset just beccause I know how much she loved that job. Especially frustrating because it was completely out of the blue for her. Find out how obnoxious some of the other employees are and how long shit has been going on behind the scenes. Debate going to the labor board and human rights, but get chills thinking about dealing with the law and possibly facing one of the most intimidating men I know that I'm NOT related to.
Spend the day after I'm fired from the second job being miserable, but go out that night anyway. Spend night AFTER karaoke at boyfriend's house. Enjoy immensely every incredibly blissful second of falling asleep in his arms, hand running through my hair, watching tv. Wake up happily to him tucking me back in and kissing my forehead before running upstairs to shower before work.
See boyfriend off to work. Drive home. Go back to bed until three in the afternoon. Have EX-boyfriend call twelve times between the time I get home and three pm, trying to get me motivated for the day. Finally tell him I'm out of bed. Shower, pick ex up and run errands. See ex for first time in almost six months. Happily surprised at the mature intelligent conversation. Even enjoy a nice dinner together at our favorite restaurant. Go back to house he is living out to hang out and talk more, suddenly get very nervous. Fight incredible urge to wrap arms around said EX and try to make out with him. Discuss how it is a very good thing both are dating other people and are reasonably happy in other relationships. Realize ex is falling hardcore for his new girlfriend and point this out like a good friend while seeing green and feeling heart break.
Sleep through next day. Call unemployment on Wednesday and find out they will need a hearing to decide if I am eligible. Am told to continue to call weekly until the hearing to place claims, backed checks will be sent after a decision is made. Realize all this is going to be harder than I even imagined, and get nervous at the thought of dealing with ex-bosses any more than I have to already. Suddenly question validity of my own thoughts, abilities, and feelings regarding this ex-job and entire situation. Start wondering incessantly if maybe I DID do something really wrong and if this horrible history will repeat itself in the future if I don't figure out what this incredible flaw is and fix it.
Update resume. Make goofy freudian slip, father catches it and I fix it, only to find out he sent the INCORRECT one to a couple of managers in his company. Almost cry, until Mom reminds him to go in the next day and send the correct version with an explanation and apology. Am told one manager is very interested and should be contacting me for an interview. Don't hear from him...ever.
Wednesday night, go to bowling alley to watch boyfriend bowl. His best friend got the job at Woodstock academy. All of us are incredibly happy and spend the evening congratulating him. Kevin is in such a good mood from getting this job that he is smiling more in those three hours than I have seen him smile in eight months. And seeing as we dated for a short time as well, I've seen him smile a lot in eight months. Mention in passing that I would love to meet up with boyfriend after he goes for their bar celebration to spend the night with him. Get told no, not a good idea. His father is in one of his "moods." Try to explain that I have dealt with a lot of "moody" (read: drunk/abusive) men in my life, and can deal. Boyfriend looks worried and nervous and insists we wait. No problem.
Boyfriend calls after bar closes to ask if I will come spend the night. Remind him I am already in bed, and although I'm glad he rethought his reasoning, I'd rather not get out of bed to dress and pack at such an hour, not to mention drive the twenty minutes to his house. Ask if we can plan for next night or night after. Get a quick apology and a "sure. I'll call you later."
Contact bank at some point. Find out that NO, they do not have unemployment insurance. Think about strangling loan officer who gave impression that they did and that I was covered. Talk to my personal collection agent, who tells me to have co-signer fill out and sign paperwork for "skip-a-payment" holiday promotion and put off December payment. She says to call and talk to her in a month if things are still in the air and maybe she can do something else at that time. Know that we have bought some time, but bawl eyes out for five or ten minutes when it sinks in that although I was no where near financially independent, at least my income had previously been stable and now I am hanging in limbo and may lose the truck I've been working my ass off for for months.
Suck it up and call cousin. Begrudgingly admit being fired. Twice. In twenty-four hours. Set up time to get together to sign paper so I can drop it back off at bank. Never get together, keep playing phone tag for a week.
Friday. A week from loss of first job. Get woken up at two in the morning by ringing cell phone. It's boyfriend. Smile as I pick up, thinking he's calling to say goodnight, which he does MOST nights, if not all. Realize he sounds like he's been drinking more than usual, especially when he says "I don't want to talk on the phone. Can you come over?" Calmly remind him that I am in bed and half asleep, that I will not be waking my parents up to tell them I'm going out in the middle of the night. Decide against inviting him over here because I would never forgive myself if he got into an accident because he was drinking and driving and on his way to or from my house. Convince him to just talk now or plan on the next night. Get the "it's not you, it's me, let's just be friends" speech. Floored. Didn't see that coming either. Manage to keep voice steady while reassuring now EX-boyfriend that no, I am not mad, he has to do what he has to do and we will still be friends. Get off phone and pull out hair for having such a crappy week and feeling like everything is spinning out of control...my worst fear.
Think back on conversation other ex-boyfriend and I had the day before. I tried to tell him I was only dating this guy for a warm body and a nice, surface, superficial relationship with few strings and no work. Realize ex was right when he reminded me that I don't settle for anything or anyone, and that I couldn't have a superficial surface relationship if my life depended on it. Realize that although things were not incredibly serious, I had wanted them to be and saw major potential. Vow to get to the bottom of this sudden change of heart and perhaps get man back in reasonably near future. Primary goal: to convince him I am not like other woman and that I will support him in the decisions he seems to think will push me away.
Spend Friday and Saturday in bed, miserable. Snap at anyone who calls or wants to go out. Realize I'm snapping but don't care. Only have civil conversations with very good friends who understand mood and avoid anyone I would have to "impress," such as navy guy who wants to go on a date Saturday night. Know he thinks I'm being obnoxious and blowing him off, don't really care and have no desire to protect his feelings. Do remember to email and apologize for nasty attitude a few days later. After giving me a hard time, he accepts.
Sunday again. Karaoke...again. Ex of two days calls to ask if I am going tonight. Yes, I'll be there. Good, he'll see me later. A little weirded out, a little nervous, but looking forward to it. Aunt comes as well, meet up with a couple of friends, hang out with the DJ's. Crazy things happen that cannot be discussed...most of them have nothing to do with me. Ex shows up, as promised. He is moody. Goes back and forth between being right next to me and saying things like he only came out at all to see me and ignoring me or acting angry with me. Can't figure out what's going on, start to wonder if decision to "break-up" was maybe not one he liked making. Don't really bring it up. Get invited to an afterparty at gorgeous guy's apartment. Decline, saying too late to call home and say I will be late. Ask him for advance notice next time. End up in parking lot, listening to ex, who has also asked me to spend night. He is obviously confused about either his feelings for me or how to deal with them. Tells me at one point to just get the hell out and go home, quickly, because he knows he is confusing me even more. I think he's the one confused. Tell him relationship never had anything to do with sex, and that I would have no problem going home with him, my feelings haven't changed, however, I think he needs some rest and time to think. Glimmer of hope that maybe things will work out if I can open my mouth and my heart, lay feelings out at some point soon. After a short but deep conversation, we both end up at gorgeous guy's apartment where it is obvious afterparty was only supposed to be guy and me. Ex is eyeing me and apartment owner, looking a bit jealous around the edges, but not saying anything. Gorgeous apartment owner is obviously interested in me, but not sure what is going on between me and other guy. Never knew we were dating in first pliace, but is apparently afraid to make a move. Decide in the hour I am there that gorgeous guy is still gorgeous, but is not my type and does not have a chance even when I decide to date other people. Go home, wait for traditional Sunday-night check-in from ex, go to bed, more messed up in head than ever.
Monday, go to lunch with friend's boyfriend. Knew he wanted second opinion while Christmas shopping. Did not know going into lunch date what an important gift he was looking for. Spend time in an expensive jewelry botique explaining to sales lady that no, this ring is definitely not for me and we are definitely not a couple. Learn once again why I adore Steve so much and wish, not for the first time, that I had found him first. Am super grateful he and I are friends, regardless of his significant other.
Tuesday...try again. Sleep too late, get next to nothing done. Get massive headache browsing want ads and classified online. Go to training and realize being a tax preparer is more daunting every day. Come home, eat, watch tv, snuggle puppies, and wish life were always that simple...