An open letter
Dear forty-something, bleach-blond women with the "Whatevur" vanity plate who merged onto I-40 today at 70 miles an hour while talking on her pink, rhinestone studded cell phone,
Please put down the phone while you merge.
You see, I got such a good view of you because you attempted to merge into my car, forcing me to cut sharply into another lane of traffic, nearly causing a three-car high speed accident.
You didn't notice.
Once you have put down your phone, may I suggest that you drive three exits to the big shopping center right off the highway? There you will find a Best Buy. The friendly associates there will be happy to help you find a hands-free headset for your phone. Some even come bundled with elegant cases targeted toward the over-12 set.
You might also find it helpful to visit the Target across the street. Their auto department sells these lovely little blind-spot mirrors that will save you the trouble of turning your head before you switch lanes. If you also stop by the pharmacy section, you will find hair dye in a wide selection of tasteful colors that match your skin tone.
I would also like to take the opportunity to introduce you to another person I met today, jogger-who-runs-along-highway-54-in-the-no-shoulder-zones. I think you two might really hit it off.
Helpfully Yours,
The woman you almost killed today
Please put down the phone while you merge.
You see, I got such a good view of you because you attempted to merge into my car, forcing me to cut sharply into another lane of traffic, nearly causing a three-car high speed accident.
You didn't notice.
Once you have put down your phone, may I suggest that you drive three exits to the big shopping center right off the highway? There you will find a Best Buy. The friendly associates there will be happy to help you find a hands-free headset for your phone. Some even come bundled with elegant cases targeted toward the over-12 set.
You might also find it helpful to visit the Target across the street. Their auto department sells these lovely little blind-spot mirrors that will save you the trouble of turning your head before you switch lanes. If you also stop by the pharmacy section, you will find hair dye in a wide selection of tasteful colors that match your skin tone.
I would also like to take the opportunity to introduce you to another person I met today, jogger-who-runs-along-highway-54-in-the-no-shoulder-zones. I think you two might really hit it off.
Helpfully Yours,
The woman you almost killed today