(no subject)
I am officially graduating tomorrow.
My walls are glaringly bare, my stuff is packed, and I am physically ready to go--but emotionally I am somewhat of a wreck. I have to leave!
My attachment isn't to the place. College is nice and all, but I am at home with the world, and I know that I can pretty easily adapt wherever I go. I don't even mind being a grown-up*. It is the thought of losing all the people that has my about ready to burst into tears at random moments, though I haven't even managed that yet.
You see, I have never made friends easily, or for that matter at all. Acquaintances, yes, quite easily--I am a friendly and pleasant person, and there have always been tons of people who have no objection to my existence and are happy to talk to me when I am nearby, but never really think of me when I am gone. Up through college I can probably count on one hand the number of people who ever thought to invite me anywhere.
That is not meant to invoke pity there--I was just never very good at the friendship thing, and you really can't expect eight-year-olds to go out of their way to befriend the awkward new kid. I am not bitter about it; it was just part of who I was.
Now I have this amazing group of people who will rearrange their plans to accommodate mine, who will skip their homework to hang out with me, shove a Shadowrun campaign into their crazy-busy lives just because I asked, and eat twelve meals a week with me. Now I have to leave them. We are literally spreading to three of the four corners of the country, and I really don't know what I will do without them.
Hopefully, the ceremony tomorrow will be good, and will help cheer me up. Until then, I am going to try to get some sleep.
*especially since I have been practicing since I was about eight.
My walls are glaringly bare, my stuff is packed, and I am physically ready to go--but emotionally I am somewhat of a wreck. I have to leave!
My attachment isn't to the place. College is nice and all, but I am at home with the world, and I know that I can pretty easily adapt wherever I go. I don't even mind being a grown-up*. It is the thought of losing all the people that has my about ready to burst into tears at random moments, though I haven't even managed that yet.
You see, I have never made friends easily, or for that matter at all. Acquaintances, yes, quite easily--I am a friendly and pleasant person, and there have always been tons of people who have no objection to my existence and are happy to talk to me when I am nearby, but never really think of me when I am gone. Up through college I can probably count on one hand the number of people who ever thought to invite me anywhere.
That is not meant to invoke pity there--I was just never very good at the friendship thing, and you really can't expect eight-year-olds to go out of their way to befriend the awkward new kid. I am not bitter about it; it was just part of who I was.
Now I have this amazing group of people who will rearrange their plans to accommodate mine, who will skip their homework to hang out with me, shove a Shadowrun campaign into their crazy-busy lives just because I asked, and eat twelve meals a week with me. Now I have to leave them. We are literally spreading to three of the four corners of the country, and I really don't know what I will do without them.
Hopefully, the ceremony tomorrow will be good, and will help cheer me up. Until then, I am going to try to get some sleep.
*especially since I have been practicing since I was about eight.