moving on.
the date is set. Friday February 9th i will be making my great escape from the Borough of Montoursville and fleeing to the City of Pittsburgh. thank GOD.
now i'm cleaning. packing. throwing shit out. like throwing out half my life. i've already filled 5 garbage bags that will go to the local version of the Salvation Army. another 5 are filled with shit to be thrown out. The New One is concerned that i'm throwing so much stuff away. nah, baby. i'm streamlining. trimming the fat. preparing for my new life. our new life.
OUR new life. holy SHIT.
i am already bringing so much baggage to this new life that i don't want one single piece of clothing, one single box of crap to clutter up that new life. it's bad enough i'm dragging a divorce and a scarred Beagle with me. we're both pretty fucked up. damaged. injured. less than trusting. The New One's got his work cut out for him. but He doesn't seem to be too concerned about it. in fact...He seems to welcome the challenge.
so onto the next chapter. as i clean and pack the things that have occupied this house for 3 years, i feel as if i'm wiping away memories and feelings and emotions. God only knows what's under that layer of dust. hopefully i'll find something i might actually want to keep. i've had no mercy when it comes to throwing things out. hopefully i'll be more merciful when it comes to saving things. there's not a lot i want to keep. funny...the old things have no luster for me anymore. even the pictures...i almost feel like i'm throwing out memories. well...let them go. it's time to make new ones.
and speaking of making new ones. we're well on our way to creating a lifetime of memories. there are already so many good ones in such a short time. at times i find myself slamming on my mental brakes. "slow down. this is too much way too fast. be sensible." HA. 'sensible' got married. 'sensible' is now getting divorced and moving her ass west. fuck sensible. it's time for a little 'reckless'.
not that i think this situation is reckless. no, not at all. i can add, you know. personality + brains + artistic ability + sensitivity + humor + ambition + dynamo in the sack = KEEPER. yes, my friend...that shit adds up just right. i know something good when i see it. more importantly, i know what i want when i see it. and he is IT. i do believe he is The One. wow.
then there is the constant buzz in my brain that tells me to be cautious. he's young. he's got a lot yet to experience. and let's face it. i'm no proverbial spring chicken. now explain to me this: why, at this stage of my life...when i am so strong and confident about my abilities and what i have to offer....why now am i suddenly stricken insecure? now all of a sudden, i'm jealous?? what the FUCK is that all about? how incredibly unattractive. yikes. better yet...he thinks it's cute. aw Christ. i hope he can see it as a compliment...that i just don't want to lose him. trust has always been an issue for me. with him going out tonight, 4 hours away from me...it's an issue. well, i've always said either you have fear or you have faith. you cannot possibly do both.
now what? pack more stuff. have a little dinner with Sam the Beagle. get ready for my last shift at Altoona. hopefully sleep. Sunday i'll come home and recommence the business of moving on. moving out. moving UP.
now i'm cleaning. packing. throwing shit out. like throwing out half my life. i've already filled 5 garbage bags that will go to the local version of the Salvation Army. another 5 are filled with shit to be thrown out. The New One is concerned that i'm throwing so much stuff away. nah, baby. i'm streamlining. trimming the fat. preparing for my new life. our new life.
OUR new life. holy SHIT.
i am already bringing so much baggage to this new life that i don't want one single piece of clothing, one single box of crap to clutter up that new life. it's bad enough i'm dragging a divorce and a scarred Beagle with me. we're both pretty fucked up. damaged. injured. less than trusting. The New One's got his work cut out for him. but He doesn't seem to be too concerned about it. in fact...He seems to welcome the challenge.
so onto the next chapter. as i clean and pack the things that have occupied this house for 3 years, i feel as if i'm wiping away memories and feelings and emotions. God only knows what's under that layer of dust. hopefully i'll find something i might actually want to keep. i've had no mercy when it comes to throwing things out. hopefully i'll be more merciful when it comes to saving things. there's not a lot i want to keep. funny...the old things have no luster for me anymore. even the pictures...i almost feel like i'm throwing out memories. well...let them go. it's time to make new ones.
and speaking of making new ones. we're well on our way to creating a lifetime of memories. there are already so many good ones in such a short time. at times i find myself slamming on my mental brakes. "slow down. this is too much way too fast. be sensible." HA. 'sensible' got married. 'sensible' is now getting divorced and moving her ass west. fuck sensible. it's time for a little 'reckless'.
not that i think this situation is reckless. no, not at all. i can add, you know. personality + brains + artistic ability + sensitivity + humor + ambition + dynamo in the sack = KEEPER. yes, my friend...that shit adds up just right. i know something good when i see it. more importantly, i know what i want when i see it. and he is IT. i do believe he is The One. wow.
then there is the constant buzz in my brain that tells me to be cautious. he's young. he's got a lot yet to experience. and let's face it. i'm no proverbial spring chicken. now explain to me this: why, at this stage of my life...when i am so strong and confident about my abilities and what i have to offer....why now am i suddenly stricken insecure? now all of a sudden, i'm jealous?? what the FUCK is that all about? how incredibly unattractive. yikes. better yet...he thinks it's cute. aw Christ. i hope he can see it as a compliment...that i just don't want to lose him. trust has always been an issue for me. with him going out tonight, 4 hours away from me...it's an issue. well, i've always said either you have fear or you have faith. you cannot possibly do both.
now what? pack more stuff. have a little dinner with Sam the Beagle. get ready for my last shift at Altoona. hopefully sleep. Sunday i'll come home and recommence the business of moving on. moving out. moving UP.