The Breakup that almost was
So...thank you to those who exhibited varying levels of concern for my mental well-being yesterday. It was a really bad day but I think things are going to be ok.
Saturday night was stupid and I slept on the couch because he was being an ass. So I woke up early because it's bright in our living room and Steve got up, took a shower at like 10:30 and left for pretty much the whole day. He got back at like 3 and said that he was packing his stuff and going to his parents and that he would leave me a check for the rent but that I should let the office know that we wouldn't be staying. He packed up a bunch of his clothes, all his shower-y stuff, the photo album of us that I gave him...he gave me the mail key and took out the trash and told me that he needed time to clear his head and he didn't know if he would be back, that he didn't expect me to wait for him, if we were meant to be we would be and that he knew he was probably throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him but that he needed some space and he didn't know how long it would take. He said that he would come back and get his stuff while I was at work and that he'd leave the bed & TV until I moved out.
I was hysterical from when he got home and said we were done until 4:30 when I was supposed to leave for Providence to go out with Cassie and my parents for Cassie's birthday. I'm just leaving and my dad calls and asks me where I am, I tell him I just left at which point he yelps at me and hangs up. Then I call Cassie to make sure we're still going and she yells at me. I decided I wasn't going at all...I called Steve and said "I only got to Flynn's gas station, I'm not going, can I come home or should I drive around and give you time to get out?" He said I could come home...
So I got back home and watched him pack more of his stuff....I was actually sitting on my floor crying. It was pathetic. I was sobbing, he tried to give me a hug, I punched him in the face, then he went out to take out the trash and Cassie called at around 4:45ish to tell me that she was on her way (from PROVIDENCE mind you.)
Steve finished packing and I held onto him, crying for another half hour. Then finally he detached me from his neck, told me he was sorry and that he couldn't deal with it right now and that he was leaving. He goes out to put stuff in his car, I grab a cigarette and a comforter and go out to the balcony. I sat there wrapped in the blanket, watching him pack stuff into his car. As he's getting into his car, Cassie comes FLYING into the parking lot. PLEASE NOTE --> It took Cassie no more then 40 minutes to get from Providence to my apartment meaning she had to have been doing AT LEAST 95 all the way up Route 146.
Steve pulls out and Cassie gets out of her car. I'm still on the balcony crying, trying to smoke a cigarette, sitting on cold concrete wrapped in a comforter. Cassie yells up for me to throw her down my keys, I cry back "He left me!!" And start bawling. Finally I went to grab her my keys but threw them in a bush. At which point she could she have just walked in with my creepy next door neighbor Frank who was on his way in with skis. She came up, came out to the balcony and rubbed my hair and arm as I totally lost my sh*t. We went in, curled up on the couch and she let me cry on her and then my phone rang.
It was Steve, he was crying kind of loudly and he goes "Beth, I only made it to Flynns, I can't throw this all away because I'm having mental issues, will you let me come home? I'm so sorry, I don't know what I'm doing, this is so stupid. Can I please come home?"
And since I was not the one who told him to leave home in the first place, I told a crying Steven that he could come home and that Cassie was holding me until he got back.
Which was kind of funny because when he did get back, he left all his stuff in the car, ran upstairs and collapsed on the couch next to me. The poor kid was still crying and shaking like a leaf. So we're all on the couch, Steve holding me, me in the middle wrapped around Cassie and poor Cassie sitting there holding my hand, rubbing my hair, and presumably feeling a little strange.
So we had a very broken conversation in which Steve said multiple times that he was an asshole and he was sorry and Cassie told him that if he didn't want to come to her birthday for the second year in a row then he should've just said so...and we also learned that the birthday dinner never happened anyway because Cassie ran away from home. (well, drove away (at an ABNORMAL rate of speed.))
We took Cassie to Bertucci's for dinner for being the most wonderful human being and getting to me so quickly so I wasn't alone and then we got back and watched some Simpsons and Cassie went back to Assumption and Steve wrapped his arms around me and told me he was sorry he made me so upset, that he didn't want to leave me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he didn't want to leave, he wanted to work through his mental blocks and deal with things, not run away. That we've had too many awesome times to just walk away and that he would never love anyone like me ever.
It was a very very long, very scary day. I mean, obviously we've had fights before and obviously he's broken up with me before but he's never actually packed his stuff, given me the mail key and a rent check and told me not to wait for a call. This was a big, new and horrible thing. It was not good and I don't know what I would've done if Cassie hadn't shown up when she did to hold me. She had impeccable timing as she pulled in JUST as Steve was getting in his car.
So, that was my horrible Sunday. That was what my "ouch" away message was about and that was why the cell phone was not accepting phone calls. My eyes still hurt this morning but I think I'm ok.
Saturday night was stupid and I slept on the couch because he was being an ass. So I woke up early because it's bright in our living room and Steve got up, took a shower at like 10:30 and left for pretty much the whole day. He got back at like 3 and said that he was packing his stuff and going to his parents and that he would leave me a check for the rent but that I should let the office know that we wouldn't be staying. He packed up a bunch of his clothes, all his shower-y stuff, the photo album of us that I gave him...he gave me the mail key and took out the trash and told me that he needed time to clear his head and he didn't know if he would be back, that he didn't expect me to wait for him, if we were meant to be we would be and that he knew he was probably throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him but that he needed some space and he didn't know how long it would take. He said that he would come back and get his stuff while I was at work and that he'd leave the bed & TV until I moved out.
I was hysterical from when he got home and said we were done until 4:30 when I was supposed to leave for Providence to go out with Cassie and my parents for Cassie's birthday. I'm just leaving and my dad calls and asks me where I am, I tell him I just left at which point he yelps at me and hangs up. Then I call Cassie to make sure we're still going and she yells at me. I decided I wasn't going at all...I called Steve and said "I only got to Flynn's gas station, I'm not going, can I come home or should I drive around and give you time to get out?" He said I could come home...
So I got back home and watched him pack more of his stuff....I was actually sitting on my floor crying. It was pathetic. I was sobbing, he tried to give me a hug, I punched him in the face, then he went out to take out the trash and Cassie called at around 4:45ish to tell me that she was on her way (from PROVIDENCE mind you.)
Steve finished packing and I held onto him, crying for another half hour. Then finally he detached me from his neck, told me he was sorry and that he couldn't deal with it right now and that he was leaving. He goes out to put stuff in his car, I grab a cigarette and a comforter and go out to the balcony. I sat there wrapped in the blanket, watching him pack stuff into his car. As he's getting into his car, Cassie comes FLYING into the parking lot. PLEASE NOTE --> It took Cassie no more then 40 minutes to get from Providence to my apartment meaning she had to have been doing AT LEAST 95 all the way up Route 146.
Steve pulls out and Cassie gets out of her car. I'm still on the balcony crying, trying to smoke a cigarette, sitting on cold concrete wrapped in a comforter. Cassie yells up for me to throw her down my keys, I cry back "He left me!!" And start bawling. Finally I went to grab her my keys but threw them in a bush. At which point she could she have just walked in with my creepy next door neighbor Frank who was on his way in with skis. She came up, came out to the balcony and rubbed my hair and arm as I totally lost my sh*t. We went in, curled up on the couch and she let me cry on her and then my phone rang.
It was Steve, he was crying kind of loudly and he goes "Beth, I only made it to Flynns, I can't throw this all away because I'm having mental issues, will you let me come home? I'm so sorry, I don't know what I'm doing, this is so stupid. Can I please come home?"
And since I was not the one who told him to leave home in the first place, I told a crying Steven that he could come home and that Cassie was holding me until he got back.
Which was kind of funny because when he did get back, he left all his stuff in the car, ran upstairs and collapsed on the couch next to me. The poor kid was still crying and shaking like a leaf. So we're all on the couch, Steve holding me, me in the middle wrapped around Cassie and poor Cassie sitting there holding my hand, rubbing my hair, and presumably feeling a little strange.
So we had a very broken conversation in which Steve said multiple times that he was an asshole and he was sorry and Cassie told him that if he didn't want to come to her birthday for the second year in a row then he should've just said so...and we also learned that the birthday dinner never happened anyway because Cassie ran away from home. (well, drove away (at an ABNORMAL rate of speed.))
We took Cassie to Bertucci's for dinner for being the most wonderful human being and getting to me so quickly so I wasn't alone and then we got back and watched some Simpsons and Cassie went back to Assumption and Steve wrapped his arms around me and told me he was sorry he made me so upset, that he didn't want to leave me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he didn't want to leave, he wanted to work through his mental blocks and deal with things, not run away. That we've had too many awesome times to just walk away and that he would never love anyone like me ever.
It was a very very long, very scary day. I mean, obviously we've had fights before and obviously he's broken up with me before but he's never actually packed his stuff, given me the mail key and a rent check and told me not to wait for a call. This was a big, new and horrible thing. It was not good and I don't know what I would've done if Cassie hadn't shown up when she did to hold me. She had impeccable timing as she pulled in JUST as Steve was getting in his car.
So, that was my horrible Sunday. That was what my "ouch" away message was about and that was why the cell phone was not accepting phone calls. My eyes still hurt this morning but I think I'm ok.