God is in the house....
It's been an eventful day. Just got new ink; I've been in the process for a while now of covering up old tattoos and it's been wonderfully cleansing. A chance to rid myself of old memories and old friends who did me no good except teaching me a lesson. But either way it's brought me down, willingly or not, some old paths.
It helps, of course, that my tattoo artist is one of my oldest friends. And of course I'm not talking age. He was around when I got the original tattoos, and he's still here, so we often walk down those not so pleasing parts of memory lane together.
(This does have a point, I promise)
We got into talking about spirtuality, which often comes up when we hang out alone together. We have very similar outlooks on life, and have spent many an evening staring up at the stars talking about everything under the sun.
What is interesting for me is the idea that I'm not who I used to be. No one really is, I'm sure, we all change, but I really used to be completely taken over by innocent introspection. I am no longer. I have become jaded.
Growing up Catholic and trying to break the bonds of that because there are such severe things that I disagree with has been near impossible to do. It continues to haunt me to this day, though I haven't been practicing for about fifteen years.
Spirituality on whatever level, has always been ridiculously important to me. It's a bond you share with someone, allowing them into your inner sanctum, showing your true self in it's purest form. It's what you believe in and the things that you do when you're lying in bed at night, alone, afraid, and empty. Since I often find myself there, I've realised that in the past few years, I have no rituals or habits to speak of anymore for those dark times. As a child I used to recite the Hail Mary over and over until I fell asleep.
I see the hard times that friends have befallen, and I do what I can. Sometimes it's just not enough. Friends die, we lose relationships, and new paths, both light and dark are shown to us. It's the paths we chose to take that are important. I'm not implying that I've found enlightenment because I try to live my life by giving. I live my life by giving because it's what makes me continue to live. It's why my heart still beats, why I give a shit at all. To me, that's my religion, those are my core beliefs.
Occasionally, oftentimes in this season, I miss the togetherness of a religious community. There's something so dark and ritualistic about Catholicism especially at this time of the year. But it's the underbelly and social status unchristian-like ways that keep me away. I don't want to be a part of a community that can't follow the golden rule, because to them, being gay is a sin.
I just wonder where this puts me. Am I missing something? I believe we were all put here on earth with a purpose bigger than ourselves. That's overwhelming, and sometimes it's hard to keep my head above water. I only know where I am at, not where I am going, and it's hard to push forward when you're treading water constantly.
So what do you believe in? What gets you through those darkest of nights?
It helps, of course, that my tattoo artist is one of my oldest friends. And of course I'm not talking age. He was around when I got the original tattoos, and he's still here, so we often walk down those not so pleasing parts of memory lane together.
(This does have a point, I promise)
We got into talking about spirtuality, which often comes up when we hang out alone together. We have very similar outlooks on life, and have spent many an evening staring up at the stars talking about everything under the sun.
What is interesting for me is the idea that I'm not who I used to be. No one really is, I'm sure, we all change, but I really used to be completely taken over by innocent introspection. I am no longer. I have become jaded.
Growing up Catholic and trying to break the bonds of that because there are such severe things that I disagree with has been near impossible to do. It continues to haunt me to this day, though I haven't been practicing for about fifteen years.
Spirituality on whatever level, has always been ridiculously important to me. It's a bond you share with someone, allowing them into your inner sanctum, showing your true self in it's purest form. It's what you believe in and the things that you do when you're lying in bed at night, alone, afraid, and empty. Since I often find myself there, I've realised that in the past few years, I have no rituals or habits to speak of anymore for those dark times. As a child I used to recite the Hail Mary over and over until I fell asleep.
I see the hard times that friends have befallen, and I do what I can. Sometimes it's just not enough. Friends die, we lose relationships, and new paths, both light and dark are shown to us. It's the paths we chose to take that are important. I'm not implying that I've found enlightenment because I try to live my life by giving. I live my life by giving because it's what makes me continue to live. It's why my heart still beats, why I give a shit at all. To me, that's my religion, those are my core beliefs.
Occasionally, oftentimes in this season, I miss the togetherness of a religious community. There's something so dark and ritualistic about Catholicism especially at this time of the year. But it's the underbelly and social status unchristian-like ways that keep me away. I don't want to be a part of a community that can't follow the golden rule, because to them, being gay is a sin.
I just wonder where this puts me. Am I missing something? I believe we were all put here on earth with a purpose bigger than ourselves. That's overwhelming, and sometimes it's hard to keep my head above water. I only know where I am at, not where I am going, and it's hard to push forward when you're treading water constantly.
So what do you believe in? What gets you through those darkest of nights?