Meme on a Theme...PT I
A liitle fancy inspired by a comment by byslantedlight, msmoat's enthusiastic posts about BistoCon and general fannish whimsy.
Picked up from solosundance (Happy Birthday!) and with thanks to istia
01. Do you like blue cheese?
Bodie: It's better than liver sausage.
Doyle: I never serve a cheese board without it.
Cowley: My club does a particularly fine stilton.
Napoleon: Illya will eat anything.
Illya: An exaggeration, I frequently avoid anything Napoleon has cooked.
Mr Waverly: My club does a particularly fine stilton.
Spock: Fascinating. Regretfully, I'm a vegetarian.
Kirk: There are times I envy you, Spock.
Dr McCoy: Philistines.
02. Have you ever smoked?
Bodie: No. Not anything you can count.
Doyle: No.
Cowley : Maybe, when I was a daft wee lad and didn't know any better.
Napoleon: Yes, but not those filthy things Illya smokes.
Illya: Yes, but not those filthy things Napoleon smokes.
Mr Waverly: I've always believed a good pipe settles a man's mind.
Spock: A highly illogical behaviour.
Kirk: If memory serves, people stopped doing that at the end of the twenty-first century.
Dr McCoy: Damn fool habit.
03. Do you own a gun?
Bodie: That's not something I'm likely to answer now, is it?
Doyle: No, all the guns I use are issued by CI5.
Cowley : Have some sense, man. Ask me something I'm likely to answer.
Napoleon: A good spy never tells.
Illya: Yes.
Mr Waverly: I think I have a huntin' rifle stashed away somewhere, I don't normally have a lot of time for that sort of thing.
Spock: Why should one wish to own such a weapon?
Kirk: We use phasers, they're a little more powerful than the old style handguns.
Dr McCoy: I'm a Doctor not a frontiersman. Have you any idea of the damage those old style guns could do? No stun setting, the bullets could rip through a man like tissue paper. And on a spaceship? Put a hole in one of those bulkheads and see what good a gun will do you in a vacuum.
04. What is your favourite flavour?
Bodie: I like chocolate.
Doyle: He likes anything.
Cowley : I'm rather partial to a bit of Dundee cake.
Napoleon: Wine, if accompanied by women and song.
Illya: One learns to eat what is available.
Mr Waverly: I once had a rather good pheasant pie with a charming THRUSH operative in Scotland.
Spock: One eats to sustain oneself. Flavour is irrelevant.
Kirk: I always think charming company enhances any meal.
Dr McCoy: Now back home, there's this little place which does the best pancakes a man has ever tasted. You can't get anything with a decent home cooked flavour out of a replicator.
05. Do you get nervous before Doctor visits?
Bodie: Every time the physical comes round, it's not normal what they do to a bloke.
Doyle: The last one was a bird, I'm all for women's lib - but there ought to be limits.
Cowley : I won't have anyone mollycoddled, but I won't stand for any damn fool heroics either. If an agent's not fit to be in the field, I'll have the hide of anyone who conceals it. And that includes you, Bodie. Now, what was that tomfoolery about nervous?
Napoleon: Not if she's got good legs.
Illya: I am inured.
Mr Waverly: I find a pipe a day keeps the Doctor away and, at my age, I'm a bit long in the tooth for nerves.
Spock: Frequently.
Kirk: What d'you say to that, Bones?
Dr McCoy: It never registers on a tricorder.
06. What do you think of hot dogs?
Bodie: I'm just happy if there's not some lunatic shooting at me from the van.
Doyle: He will eat anything.
Cowley : Aye, I've tried them. Not bad. I wouldn't waste a good whisky on one though.
Napoleon: Ah, memories of my youth.
Illya: Fortunately, my youth was spared such delicacies.
Mr Waverly: Not bad at all. No indeed. Quite pleasant, in fact.
Spock: If I understand the concept correctly, I believe it would be incompatible with Vulcan dietary requirements.
Kirk: When we were kids, Sam and I could never agree on what should go on them. I seem to recall it actually came to blows.
Dr McCoy: That's another thing these fool replicators can't get right.
07. Favourite Christmas movie?
Bodie: The Great Escape.
Doyle: That's not a Christmas movie, Alastair Sim in Scrooge is a Christmas flick.
Cowley : I'm rather partial to that one myself, Doyle.
Napoleon: Ladies' choice.
Illya: A Christmas Carol with Alastair Sim.
Mr Waverly: Splendid choice, Mr Kuryakin.
Spock: Vulcan culture has no concept of a Christmas, I prefer to meditate and fast.
Kirk: Oh, come now Spock, I seem to remember, last year…
Dr McCoy: Don't look at me like that Spock, I thought everyone knew Christine puts a little Saurian brandy in the eggnog.
08. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Bodie: Well, there's what you prefer and what you can get, isn't there?
Doyle: Tea.
Cowley : Allowing for Bodie's proviso, I'd say a good strong cup of tea.
Napoleon: Coffee and sweet lips.
Illya: I'll take the coffee, Napoleon can keep the sweet lips.
Mr Waverly: A nice pot of English Breakfast Tea.
Spock: I drink to relieve thirst. It is logical, therefore, that I should drink water. However, there are certain Vulcan herbal infusions which are also refreshing.
Kirk: Coffee.
Dr McCoy: Spock, if you mean tea, why not just say tea?
09. Do you do push-ups?
Bodie: Yeah, we both do.
Doyle: Not much choice.
Cowley : I'm not as fit as I once was, but I can still do a few press ups.
Napoleon: Yes, but there are better ways to spend one's time.
Illya: Yes, of course.
Mr Waverly: Alas, my glory days in the gymnasium are behind me. The laurels belong to younger men.
Spock: I am a Vulcan.
Kirk: I think the question is irrelevant in Spock's case.
Dr McCoy: It's that damn green blood.
10. What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
Bodie: Stuff gets broken in this job. Best not get attached.
Doyle: I've got a chain I wear quite a bit, but he's right. And not just about the jewellery.
Cowley : A broach, it belonged to my Mother, and hers before that. I had it in mind that it might go to someone else once. Best left where it is.
Napoleon: I have a ring I'm quite fond of.
Illya: I have very little jewellery. What I have, I wear.
Mr Waverly: The ring I put on my wife's finger, the day she accepted my proposal. A sentimental thing, but there it is.
Spock: I find it illogical that humans invest their emotions in inanimate objects.
Kirk: I save my emotional investment for my ship and her crew.
Dr McCoy: I have a little something from Yonada I hope to collect on some day.
11. Favourite hobby?
Bodie: Dunno, we fish, don't we?
Doyle: I fish mate, you dangle a line in the water.
Cowley : I have found golf to be a most useful recreation.
Napoleon: I collected stamps when I was a kid.
Illya: I, too.
Mr Waverly: That would appear to make three of us, gentlemen.
Spock: Vulcans do not pursue hobbies as humans do, but we do cultivate interests beyond those necessary to sustain life and fulfil our duties. I play various musical instruments.
Kirk: The Enterprise doesn't leave a lot of time for hobbies, but Spock and I have the occasional game of chess.
Dr McCoy: I'm a Doctor, if I ever get any time off, I like to catch up on my medical journals. Unless you're talking honest-to-goodness shore leave, then I have one or two other things I like to catch up on.
12. Do you have A.D.D?
Bodie: What's that, when it's at home?
Doyle: Yes, he does.
Cowley : They both do.
Napoleon: Is that something new the quacks have dreamt up?
Illya: One might suggest, if the cap fits…
Mr Waverly: At U.N.C.L.E. we ensure our agents are both physically fit and mentally alert. Anything less could spell disaster in the field.
Spock: I am a Vulcan, the question is irrelevant.
Kirk: Bones, A.D.D.? Tell me about that.
Dr McCoy: Nothing to tell Jim, we got that licked in the twenty-first century.
13. What's the one thing you dislike about yourself?
Bodie: You telling me you don't recognise perfection when you see it?
Doyle: How much time do you have? You don't get to do this job and love yourself.
Cowley : Aye, maybe Doyle has a point there. But it's a necessary job. A damn important one, in fact.
Napoleon: Well don't tell Illya, but I have this lick of hair that never seems to stay put.
Illya: I fail.
Mr Waverly: I don't spend as much time with my wife as she deserves.
Spock: I do not believe such an introspective line of questioning is likely to prove beneficial.
Kirk: Spock?
Dr McCoy: Let me handle this, Jim. Spock, I may think you’re a tin pot adding machine with the hide of a rhinoceros, but you don't have that luxury. If there's something bothering you, let's have it.
14. Middle name?
Bodie: Andrew, Philip - two lovely princes - I can come up with a third, if you ask nicely.
Doyle: Me Mum couldn't afford one.
Cowley : There's a few folk who call me George, but I answer to Mr Cowley, and that's an end of it.
Napoleon: Are you really asking a guy whose first name is Napoleon, if his parents had something in reserve?
Illya: My name is Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin. I am Russian.
Mr Waverly: Bless me, what a question. These two young men call me Mr Waverly, I think that will suffice.
Spock: You couldn't pronounce it.
Kirk: I believe there was once a quaint old Earth custom under which one could plead the fifth…
Dr McCoy: 'Fess up, Jim. It's Tiberius.
15. Name 3 thoughts right now.
Bodie: I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm off to the pub. That do?
Doyle: Does me. I'm off too, before he forgets whose round it is.
Cowley : I'm not always sure I did right by Doyle, but I'm certain I did right by Bodie. And maybe that'll be enough for Doyle.
Napoleon: I may have mentioned this before, but at the risk of sounding like a stuck record, one can but say, wine, women and song.
Illya: Will I still sound Russian when I return to my homeland? People have already said they can hear a change in my accent. I think of that, I think of enough to eat and I think of keeping Napoleon alive. Enough of a task for one lifetime, I think.
Mr Waverly: U.N.C.L.E., THRUSH and my dear wife, though not necessarily in that order, you understand.
Spock: At this precise moment I have exactly 42.4 things on my mind, upon which do you wish me to elucidate?
Kirk: My crew, my ship, my friends, always.
Dr McCoy: Yes, yes, the Captain, the crew, the ship. Spock, how the devil can anyone have .4 of something on his mind?
16. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.
Bodie: Tea, coffee, lager. So does he.
Doyle: I drink wine and he drinks vodka and we both drink water. Sometimes it doesn't even have pond weed in it.
Cowley : Tea, whisky and, aye, water. With or without pond weed.
Napoleon: Coffee, water if necessary, and I cannot tell a lie, sometimes a little alcohol passes these lips.
Illya: Water and coffee, like Napoleon. I also drink a little alcohol, not like Napoleon.
Mr Waverly: Just so gentlemen, and I think we should also mention tea.
Spock: I believe I have answered this question.
Kirk: I drink coffee, probably a little too much, alcohol, probably a little too much and water, probably not enough, eh Bones?
Dr McCoy: Have you been peeking at your exam results again, Jim?
17. Where's the question?
Bodie: Eh? I thought we were going to the pub?
Doyle: What was that about A.D.D.?
Cowley : I rest my case.
Napoleon: Ah…I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who…
Illya: …I send them over land and sea, I send them east and west;…
Mr Waverly:…But after they have worked for me, I give them all a rest. Kipling, gentlemen. Although, I'm not quite sure a rest is in order, just yet.
Spock: Somewhat scatological, Captain
Kirk: Spock, why do you never just answer the question?
Dr McCoy: Five years, and you're asking him this now?
18. Current hate right now?
Bodie: Some things you don't spill your guts about.
Doyle: Maybe, and maybe it's better to talk.
Cowley : Leave him, Doyle. And Bodie, I won't tolerate vendettas. Not on my watch, not while you're with CI5, have I made myself clear?
Napoleon: THRUSH. And anyone who hurts Illya.
Illya: THRUSH. I also have a particular dislike of anyone who injures Napoleon.
Mr Waverly: Hate is a strong word. But I think I can safely say I hate what THRUSH stands for.
Spock: I am a Vulcan. Emotion is inimical to my nature.
Kirk: I think hatred is inimical to all of us, Spock. It's not what the Federation stands for.
Dr McCoy: Amen to that, Jim. I've seen too much of what it can do. There's a reason I wear this uniform.
19. Favourite place to be?
Bodie: In bed.
Doyle: With a good book.
Cowley : In the right place at the right time, there's no feeling better.
Napoleon: In bed.
Illya: With a good book.
Mr Waverly: At home, with my family.
Spock: Vulcans do not employ emotion in considering such matters. I am on the Enterprise, this is where I can be most effective, therefore I am in the correct place.
Kirk: Spock said it.
Dr McCoy: Not for me he didn't, I'm not ending my days out here where a man can freeze and boil in the same instant. I have a nice little spot all picked out where I can grow old and fat. You can visit if you like Spock, might do you some good. Take a little of that starch out of your breeches…You'd be welcome too, Jim.
20. How do you ring in the New Year?
Bodie: Champers and a nice warm bird.
Doyle: Well, if last year's anything to go by, we'll be stuck in a cellar freezing our assets off while Cowley plays hard to get with some bloke with a grudge and a comedy accent.
Cowley : I can always arrange to have your assets surgically removed, Doyle. If you think it would improve your efficiency…and I'm not so sure it wouldn't.
Napoleon: A little champagne, a little music, a charming companion…
Illya: I'm assuming from your description of the night in question, you were not only wretched with swamp fever last year, but also delirious.
Mr Waverly: Quite so, Mr Kuryakin. I, on the other hand, had a quite delightful evening at the casino keeping an eye on our friends from THRUSH, that is until you and Mr Solo managed to blow up the only harbour on the island and return the monks to their seclusion. In fact, I understand that they are so grateful to you and Mr Solo for ridding their island of THRUSH, and its dubious guests, that they are keen that you join them for a period of fasting and prayer to usher in their first New Year without our feathered friends. And since U.N.C.L.E. is hopeful of using the island as a satellite tracking station, it is an invitation I am sure you will both be keen to accept.
Spock: Vulcan has many ceremonies and rituals which mark the passage of the seasons.
Kirk: I'm curious, Spock. How do you tell the seasons apart?
Dr McCoy: Oh who cares, Jim? What kind of party could Vulcans throw?