smiles seem to come at a price
I was looking through old emails between a longtime "friend" and I and found this, which is about the closest thing I have to a journal entry from four years ago and which somehow seems related to what I'm thinking about:
Last Saturday I went swing dancing, and it was tons of fun. I hadn't been in a long time, and a lot more people asked me to dance then usual, so that was awesome. I was reminded though of how many creeps and weirdos go dancing there, and of course they're the ones who ask you to dance more than once. There was this one guy who tried to make conversation, but since it was so loud he had to lean right up to my ear every time he said anything. He go's "So, what was your new years resolution?" and I responded "I didn't really make any" and then added to be friendly "what was yours?" and he says "To go on a diet".
Then he says "Do you think I'm fat?" (completely earnest too, he wanted a response) and I say "No, not at all" and then he says "I think you are slim." Anyway, that was quite the conversation stopper.
Today at work I had my hair pulled back in a way I've wished to be able to do for months. Finally my hair is (just barely) long enough so I am happily doing it up and looking more feminine than I have been able to for years; this meant that I looked more feminine at my (3 months old today) job than ever before. It took me a bit to realize why my interactions with male regulars seemed so odd and why I kept getting thanked much more earnestly than usual by many customers. Suddenly I remembered that 3 years ago when I cut my hair short for the first time (since age 6) I stopped being smiled at by strangers, almost altogether. Shortly after that I realized that I was also being taken much more seriously than before in conversation with people I didn't know well. It stung so much then, realizing how fickle my interactions with people were, and adjusting to the lack of friendliness from strangers in the street. Now, the smiles have returned, the friendly chit-chat, but I dread how awful it will feel the first few times I am aware of not being taken seriously because I am a feminine, blond haired blue eyed small woman, and the how awful it will be when it stops stinging and I get used to it.
Of course, there's much more to this. Sure, it's nice to be checked out. And I'm aware that partly when I am presenting differently it's because I feel different and surely am therefore acting differently with people, thus people are partially just responding to my attitude; but that is definitely not the main factor in this happening.
I'd be curious to hear how other people have experienced this. How much differently do people treat you based on hair length, colour, your choice of clothes, whether or not you wear make up, etc... ?
Last Saturday I went swing dancing, and it was tons of fun. I hadn't been in a long time, and a lot more people asked me to dance then usual, so that was awesome. I was reminded though of how many creeps and weirdos go dancing there, and of course they're the ones who ask you to dance more than once. There was this one guy who tried to make conversation, but since it was so loud he had to lean right up to my ear every time he said anything. He go's "So, what was your new years resolution?" and I responded "I didn't really make any" and then added to be friendly "what was yours?" and he says "To go on a diet".
Then he says "Do you think I'm fat?" (completely earnest too, he wanted a response) and I say "No, not at all" and then he says "I think you are slim." Anyway, that was quite the conversation stopper.
Today at work I had my hair pulled back in a way I've wished to be able to do for months. Finally my hair is (just barely) long enough so I am happily doing it up and looking more feminine than I have been able to for years; this meant that I looked more feminine at my (3 months old today) job than ever before. It took me a bit to realize why my interactions with male regulars seemed so odd and why I kept getting thanked much more earnestly than usual by many customers. Suddenly I remembered that 3 years ago when I cut my hair short for the first time (since age 6) I stopped being smiled at by strangers, almost altogether. Shortly after that I realized that I was also being taken much more seriously than before in conversation with people I didn't know well. It stung so much then, realizing how fickle my interactions with people were, and adjusting to the lack of friendliness from strangers in the street. Now, the smiles have returned, the friendly chit-chat, but I dread how awful it will feel the first few times I am aware of not being taken seriously because I am a feminine, blond haired blue eyed small woman, and the how awful it will be when it stops stinging and I get used to it.
Of course, there's much more to this. Sure, it's nice to be checked out. And I'm aware that partly when I am presenting differently it's because I feel different and surely am therefore acting differently with people, thus people are partially just responding to my attitude; but that is definitely not the main factor in this happening.
I'd be curious to hear how other people have experienced this. How much differently do people treat you based on hair length, colour, your choice of clothes, whether or not you wear make up, etc... ?