fic: Peaches, chapter 8
Title: Peaches, Chapter Eight
Author: finurtchel
Rating: R (mainly to keep the whole story together as later chapters are the R parts)
Spoilers: none in this chapter, really.
Warnings: nothing, really....
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Summary: Finn is involved in a fender-bender while driving Kurt's car.
Author's Comments: I am so so sorry that this has taken so long to get written up! I've been so busy lately and I'm only only going to get busier. I am starting at university in a week so I am not even sure if I am going to continue with this story (damn I haven't even gotten to the R parts yet...), or if I do you won't be getting updates very regularly (I'd expect about 2 months between each chapter...) So this may be the last chapter, unless you're lucky and I get inspired to write more during my uni holidays, etc. I hope you enjoy this. I feel like my writing skills haven't improved and have rather gone downhill since I started writing this story, so I hope it isn't too bad! Mistakes are all my own, please review and let me know if you really think I should continue writing this story. Even some plot ideas or something might be nice to get me inspired for later! =)
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I sit down on the bed beside Finn, eyeing him carefully. Though I know we’re both upset about Rachel and how sad she was - I’d never expected to be as sad as this about anything to do with Rachel, but there you were - I just wanted to lean over and kiss him. His lips were parted, inviting, the soft texture of them making my mouth water and my insides curl. But, for some reason, I can’t bring myself to just lean over and do it.
This is supposed to be a simple thing; I’d lean closer towards him and place my hand on his cheek and then in a time format that would seem like hours but would actually only be a few seconds, we’d lean closer and closer together until our lips met. My heart would flutter and his hands would reach up and hold the back of my head, bringing me closer into him as his lips began attacking mine passionately. I would feel his heartbeat matching mine as our chests press together, and would kiss until we fell backwards onto his bed…
But this is all in my head. This isn’t easy; this is taking a step into the void of the unknown, a scary place where you can never know what’s going to happen. I can see in Finn’s eyes that he cares about me and that he wants me to kiss him right now, but the pressure is too much and I’m not sure I can do it.
What if he doesn’t like it? What if, as soon as our lips meet, Finn tells me that he’s changed his mind, that this was a bad idea? What if nothing happens, what if there are no explosions of True Love deep inside my stomach (which I know is meant to happen when you kiss the One), what if I’ve made this all up in my head, what if, what if, what if…???
My chest is expanding and my heart feels like it’s going to fall out of my stomach somewhere; and it is this feeling that makes me uncontrollably slip from my position on the bed and onto the floor.
It’s quiet; my ears are blocked against the mumbling of Finn’s concerned voice so that I can’t understand a word that he’s saying. I’m hyperventilating. I try to speak but nothing comes out; I try to move but my limbs won’t work and my body feels too heavy. At least my mind seems to be working, I can give you that. I haven’t turned into a complete vegetable. But it’s kind of scary to be in an unmovable, soundless void… this is sort of like what being kidnapped in a boot of a car would feel like, I’d imagine. But I’m only in danger of myself.
After awhile and a lot of yelling voices above me, I feel a hand grab me under my arms and lift me up into the sunlight blasting through the window. I don’t remember much after that.
~
I wearily opened my eyes and yawned, getting that dizzy feeling of dis - dis - disorientation you get when you fall asleep during the day. I was propped up in the lounge room and the television was still blaring on about some car show or something. Groaning, I grabbed the remote somehow still sitting in my lap and switched it off.
My day and night had been a lot like this. Watch a movie, sleep, watch some TV, sleep, eat, eat, sleep, watch some TV… But thrown in to that mix was me continually feeling worried about Kurt. I haven’t seen him since he fainted on my floor; I’ve been ringing him a lot but he doesn’t answer and he hasn’t called me back.
Burt says he’s just sleeping, getting over the panic attack or whatever it was. But that’s not really reassuring me. I can’t help but feel like Kurt fainting is my fault. And I can’t help wondering why it would be my fault.
Mostly I just hope that he didn’t faint because he was… I dunno… disgusted about me or something. I mean, I was going to kiss him… but maybe he didn’t want me to. Maybe it was some kind of ploy to get himself out while he still could without anything actually happening…
That kept on going around in my head and it was making me incredibly nervous. And it was also making me feel incredibly dumb - even more than I usually am. If it was true, shouldn’t I have noticed that Kurt didn’t actually want to kiss me? Shouldn’t I have pulled the breaks?
Anyway… Kurt wasn’t talking to me and I felt like we were over before we’d really even started. It had only been one day, but dude, I’d called him like 100 times and still, no answer…
Guess he was telling me something, wasn’t he?
~
He kept on calling and I so badly wanted to answer him, but every time my phone rang and his name popped up on the screen, I would start feeling nauseous and couldn’t bring myself to answer. I just didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I mean, what kind of wimp faints just before they are going to be kissed by the man of their dreams? How was I supposed to explain, get all of the words out. It was so embarrassing and I didn’t want Finn to know how weak I am.
So, he kept calling and I kept not answering. My dad got really annoyed, as he kept having to deal with the ongoing ringing of “Defying Gravity” floating around the house. He kept glaring at me and asking me “why don’t you just answer the phone? It’s just Finn.”
That was the thing. It was Finn. And my dad had no idea how much that means to me. He didn’t know what was really going on between Finn and I and I really didn’t want him to find out. Not yet. He couldn’t understand what had happened and why I was having so much trouble with it. I couldn’t just go up to him and ask him, that would be a stupid move and it would make him suspicious.
The only option I’d had was Mercedes. I tell her everything and she’s known about my crush on Finn since the beginning, but she wasn’t very good at giving advice. She just said what dad was basically saying: “grow some balls and answer the goddamn phone and just talk to him, Kurt.”
But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
My phone rang and rang and I never picked up.
~
The sound of the doorbell woke me from my sleep this time. Mum wasn’t home so I sat up on the couch and yelled out “COME IN.”
I quickly reached up to neaten my hair, thinking that maybe it was Kurt and not wanting to look like a complete fool if it was.
It wasn’t.
“Heya, white-boy,” Mercedes said, walking in through the door and coming to sit down on the couch opposite me. “How ya doing?”
“I’m okay… I guess… what are you - ?”
“Kurt’s going crazy, Finn,” Mercedes interrupts, looking at me solemnly. “He keeps calling me and going on and on about what happened and I can’t let my sweetie suffer any longer. You got me?”
I frown. “This isn’t my fault… I keep calling but he never answers - “
Mercedes nods. “I know. He’s scared what you’re gonna say, he feels ashamed about what happened but… I came up with an idea.
He won’t answer the phone so the only other way for you to get him to listen to you is, seeing as you can’t really leave the house, a letter.”
“A letter?” I repeat, rubbing my eyes.
“That’s right, white boy.” She reaches behind her into her bag and pulls out a notebook of paper and a pen before handing to me.
“Go for your life.”
I took the pen and paper and stare down at them, dumbstruck. “Umm… thanks…. But… what am I supposed to write?”
Mercedes rolls her eyes. “Just write whatever you want to tell him on the phone. If you’re ringing him that much, I’m sure you’ve got a lot to say, right?”
I nod quickly. Mercedes is so intimidating.
I pick up the pen and after a moment begin to write.
~
I stare down at the piece of paper Mercedes just dropped off for me. It’s labeled with a small and scraggly “For Kurt” and quite neatly folded in quarters.
Hesitantly, my heart beating fast, I open the letter and begin to read.
“To Kurt,
Hey, it’s Finn. I hope you are okay. I am sorry that you fainted.
I’ve been calling you a lot - which you probably noticed - and I really want to speak to you.
But I guess writing a letter is almost as good, though I would love to hear your voice.
I’m sorry for trying to kiss you. I just really wanted to and I wasn’t thinking about what you might
want. If you don’t want to be with me, just tell me and I’ll understand.
I just want you to know that I really like you. I hope we can still be friends.
You’re so important to me and whatever you want is okay with me.
Please answer this. I’d like to hear from you.
From, Finn.”
I finish reading and I can't breathe. I feel sick to my stomach with guilt. All this time of not talking to Finn I was only thinking about myself, I haven’t even thought about how he might be feeling about it. I had to set things right. Right now.
~
I was asleep again when the doorbell rang a few hours after Mercedes had left. I groaned, and called out “IT’S OPEN” thinking it was Mercedes again, come to say that Kurt wouldn’t read my letter because he hated me or something like that.
But it wasn’t Mercedes this time. It was Kurt.
My heart beat immediately sped up as soon as I saw him. I wiped my sweaty hands on my leg but my eyes didn’t leave his face.
He looked at me cautiously before turning around to quietly close the front door. Then he turned around and lifted his hand for hello before awkwardly walking over to sit down on the couch, his gaze not meeting mine. It was quiet and awkward for a moment before I came to my senses.
“Umm… hi Kurt… it’s nice to see you,” I said, smiling at him nervously even though he wasn’t even listening.
He smiled slightly and slowly lifted his head to look at me. His eyes looked kind of sad and his leg was jumping around, up and down and up and down, like he was just as nervous as me.
“It’s nice to see you, too, Finn” he whispered, looking at me straight on.
I nodded and bit my lip. “So… um… how have you been? Are you alright?”
Kurt nodded. “Umm… yeah… I’m fine now, thanks,” he said, nervously reaching up and flicking his hair. It was such a Kurt move that I actually snorted.
He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow, his lip twitching a little bit at my unintentional pig impression before he sighed and began to speak. “Finn… I came here to apologize… for being such an awful… um… friend.”
I almost winced at the word, but tried to cover it by replying “Oh, no, you haven’t been awful, Kurt. I’m the one that messed up. I - “
But Kurt interrupted me. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Finn. You were doing everything right.”
I frowned. “I - I was?”
Kurt nodded quickly. “Yes. You were going to kiss me, which is the one thing in the world that I’ve wanted more than anything since the first time I saw you.”
A uncontainable smile broke across my face. He smiled back before clearing his throat.
“I wanted to say thanks for the letter… it was so sweet, but I need to correct you on some of the things you said. And I need to tell you why I fainted…”
I waited for him to continue but he seemed unable to continue talking. And then out of nowhere, he stood up and walked towards me. My heart beat began to beat harder and harder as I stared at him. He looked so nervous, but I could see determination and a flaming desire in his eyes. My face turned bright red as soon as I realised what he was going to do.
He stopped right in front of me and leaned over, and when his face was close-up to mine he whispered something but I didn't really catch what he said because I was overwhelmed with feeling and then suddenly he was pressed against my side and his lips were on mine. It didn’t matter that this was a really awkward position and that he was kind leaning into my shoulder and making my neck crick, because this was the most amazing feeling I had ever had. I’d dreamed of this for so long and… there are no words. There are no words for how happy I am right in this moment.
~
I can’t speak; I can’t do anything except stare at those incredibly kissable looking lips. I can’t be scared now. I have to do this right, make everything right again. So I just find myself moving towards him with the deepest intent of doing what should have happened two days ago. i whisper "let's make this one count" before I lean towards him, propping myself over him on the couch, and press my lips against his.
Instant electricity shoots from our joined lips and all the way through my body. My stomach lurches with hot warmth and yeah, there’s an instant throbbing… down there. My heart is clenching and swelling up to ten times its size. I sigh happily in his mouth and we stay there for ages, just kissing each other for the first time.
After awhile I move away and stare into Finn’s eyes.
“That was what should have happened the other day,” I whisper.
Finn nods before glancing down towards my lips again. I smirk and our lips meet for a second time.