Fic: A Lot Alike [Ch. 2?/]
Title: A Lot Alike
Author(s): watchforwalkers & coincidental_penalties
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst/romance
Warnings: Past Finn/Quinn, Past Kurt/Blaine (neither appear in the fic for more than a glance, portrayal only mildly negative)
Spoilers: Through 2x20
Word Count: 7846
Summary: On the night of junior prom, Kurt is crowned prom queen and runs out of the gym into the hallway. Instead of Blaine following him, Kurt instead runs straight into Finn-literally-and changes the course of both their relationships.
Chapter 1
Kurt wakes up smushed against a person, and one arm is dangling off the bed before Kurt forces himself to sit up. He blinks and rubs his eyes, taking in the sight of Finn next to him and the Pretty in Pink DVD menu in front of him. He closes his eyes again, exhaling as he remembers the entire previous night, and he wonders what on earth came over him. Offering Finn a blow job, having Finn jerk him off, asking Finn to kiss him, and jerking Finn off-Kurt knows he can’t explain all of that away as acting out in response to prom queen and breaking up with Blaine.
He winces, turns off the DVD, and then turns to Finn, shaking his shoulder gently. “Finn?”
“Wha- huh?” Finn mumbles. “Where’m I at?”
“We fell asleep during Pretty in Pink,” Kurt answers. “It’s past breakfast but not quite lunch time.”
“Oh. Okay.” Finn is still and quiet for a few moments, and Kurt wonders if he fell asleep again, but finally, Finn says, “I’m going to get up and, uh, shower, I guess.”
“Probably a good idea,” Kurt says, moving his hand from Finn’s shoulder and sitting up straight on the edge of the bed. “I’m going to go avoid Dad as much as possible while I get coffee.”
“Yeah, me too,” Finn says. He sits up and swings his legs over the opposite side of the bed without looking at Kurt. “So I’ll see you later, I guess,” he says, with what sounds like a hint of melancholy in his voice.
“Probably at lunch,” Kurt agrees, trying to keep his voice light. If he felt like he was in a teen movie the night before, now he feels like he’s in a B-movie romance-gone-wrong, neither of them looking at the other, talking in a stilted fashion. Of course, Kurt mentally acknowledges, if they were actually in a movie they’d be roommates, not related by marriage, and one of them would be a girl. He doesn’t say any of that out loud, just stands and goes to the bathroom door, pausing in front of it.
Finn stands up, and still without looking to Kurt or saying another word, he slowly walks out of the room, shutting Kurt’s door again behind himself. Kurt sighs a little and goes into the bathroom, shutting that door as well before going to stare at himself in the mirror.
“It was some kind of magical prom spell,” Kurt tells his reflection. “The universe wanted to make up for the prom queen thing, or something. It’ll be a little awkward today and maybe tomorrow, but by Tuesday or Wednesday, we’ll just be brothers again.” He pauses and sighs. “Albeit possibly single ones. We know I’ll be single, anyway.”
Kurt turns away from the mirror, starting the shower and letting the water heat up while he gets undressed. “Not going to think about it,” he mutters to himself, but his cock has other ideas, and Kurt glares at it. “It’s not happening!”
Once the water is hot, though, and Kurt steps under the spray, he starts washing his hair, and the feel of his own fingers in his hair makes him remember how it felt to have Finn’s hands in his hair. His cock remembers how it felt to have Finn’s hand there, too, and once he starts thinking about that, his mind replays how amazing it was, kissing Finn while their hands were on each other’s cocks, and how it felt to have Finn’s cock in his mouth. Kurt can hear everything Finn said, repeating on a loop in his head, and even after everything, Kurt had felt so comfortable watching the movie with Finn next to him.
A thought of Blaine pushes its way into Kurt’s mind, and Kurt deliberately pushes it away again, thinking about Finn, and he’s already stroking himself before he realizes he didn’t make the conscious decision to jerk off while thinking about Finn. His hand is there, though, moving leisurely, and Kurt closes his eyes, letting himself remember how it felt to kiss Finn, his hand on Finn’s cock and Finn’s hand on Kurt’s cock. Kurt’s hand moves faster as he thinks about what it could be like, giving Finn a blow job while Finn’s hand is on Kurt. Then Kurt imagines the way Finn kisses, but his mouth on Kurt’s cock instead, and it’s that thought, the idea of the two of them blowing each other at the same time, that makes Kurt come, yelling a little louder than he intends.
No one comes to check on him, at least, and he finishes washing himself and rinsing his hair before standing under the hot spray for a few extra minutes. The water starts to grow a little cooler, closer to warm, before Kurt turns it off and starts to towel off.
He stands in front of his closet for at least five minutes, trying to mentally review his calendar before giving up and picking up his phone. There are several text messages but, Kurt notes immediately, none of them are from Blaine. Kurt hadn’t really expected there to be, and he wouldn’t have done anything with Finn if he truly had expected something from Blaine, but the lack confirms it - Kurt is once again single.
There’s nothing listed on his calendar on his phone, though, which means that while Mercedes or Rachel or Tina might call, he can beg off with the excuse that they didn’t have plans set in stone. He’s not ready to put on a happy face, pretending that the previous day just rolled off his back. That decided, Kurt gets dressed and heads downstairs quietly, listening for his dad watching television before slipping into the kitchen for coffee.
Once he steps into the kitchen, however, he almost takes a step backward when he sees Finn. Instead, he continues, barely faltering, and half-smiles at Finn. “Hi,” he says quietly.
“Hey,” Finn says, not quite looking at Kurt, and not quite smiling. “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” He picks his mug up from the counter and sidesteps Kurt, heading for the hall.
“It’s fine,” Kurt says, getting out his own mug. “You’re fine.”
“Yeah. Sorry,” Finn says, and then he’s gone, down the hall and presumably back up the stairs again.
Kurt stares at his mug, pouring coffee into it. “Fine,” he repeats softly. “If I say it enough, maybe it will work.” He replaces the coffee pot and picks up his mug, listening for the sound of the television again before heading up the stairs. Maybe after he drinks his coffee and responds to his messages, he should take a nap, just to give the two of them a few more hours. Kurt can sleep through lunch, and surely by dinner, things will be back to normal.
He does take a nap, but when he goes downstairs to find his own lunch, he hears Finn enter the kitchen while Kurt’s head is in the refrigerator.
“Hi,” Kurt says into the milk jug, waving his hand behind him in a manner vaguely reminiscent of saying hello.
“Hey,” Finn answers. “Sorry. I’ll be out of your way in a second.”
“Someone already ate all of the leftover chicken,” Kurt reports, pulling out a package of turkey with a frown before moving to the table to assemble a sandwich.
“Oh. Too bad.”
Kurt looks up at that. “Wait. Did you eat all of the leftover chicken?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“I should have known,” Kurt says, shaking his head as he adds mustard to his sandwich. “Don’t touch the leftover chili!”
“Don’t worry,” Finn says, his tone dreary. “I won’t touch anything I’m not supposed to touch.” He turns abruptly and leaves the kitchen again.
“Okay,” Kurt says very softly to the empty air, putting the final piece of bread on his sandwich and putting everything away before taking his plate with his sandwich up to his room. He’s had two awkward encounters with Finn, yes, but at least he’s avoided his dad.
When he finishes his sandwich, Kurt sets his plate on his chest of drawers and opens up his bag, knowing he has to do at least one assignment before Monday morning. Before he can do more than find the correct chapter, there’s a knock on Kurt’s door, and Kurt calls out, “Come in!” He hopes it’s Finn, so they can perhaps talk and so avoid more awkward moments, but when the door opens, it’s Burt instead.
“Hey,” Burt says. “I’ve been missing you all day. Wanted to ask you how prom went!”
“Oh.” Kurt puts on his very best fake smile. “Last night was a lot of fun,” he says. There’s enough time later to figure out how to tell Burt that Blaine broke up with him. “I think everyone had a good time.”
“Everybody but Finn, maybe,” Burt says, shaking. “What bug crawled up his butt? He’s been in a weird mood all day!”
“Maybe he’s tired?” Kurt says. “I think Quinn might have been upset with him at one point.”
“She not win prom queen or something?”
“No,” Kurt says slowly, hoping Burt doesn’t go anywhere near Finn’s truck, just in case. “She didn’t. David Karofsky won prom king,” he adds, hoping that Burt will remember that Santana was running with him, and that Burt will assume Santana won.
Burt frowns. “Well, I hope Finn wasn’t too disappointed, anyway.”
“I think he was more concerned with running in order to make Quinn happy,” Kurt says. “It’ll be a relief to get back to school as usual, without the campaigns.”
“Yeah, I bet. Did Blaine have a nice time?”
“Oh, um. He… had a panic attack!” Kurt improvises. “It ended up reminding him too much of the Sadie Hawkins dance,” he continues, “so he had to leave early. I rode home with Finn. After he took Quinn home!”
“Well, that’s a shame about Blaine,” Burt says. “Glad the rest of you kids had a good night, though.”
“Mmmhmm,” Kurt agrees, nodding. “I should really work on this history essay, Dad. The College Board doesn’t care when prom was, they only care when the AP exam is.”
“All right, I’ll leave you to it. Good luck with that essay,” Burt says, giving Kurt a nod before he steps out of the room and shuts the door.
Kurt holds his breath until he hears Burt take a few steps down the hall, and then he exhales heavily, hoping Burt doesn’t ask Finn the same questions, or at least not until after Kurt can confirm the answers he gave with Finn. Kurt frowns as he stares at his book, then decides to be proactive. He types out a quick text to Finn with the important points, then sends it before he can second-guess himself. A few minutes pass before Kurt gets a response, reading simply “ok thx,” and Kurt sighs a little as he puts the phone down, intent on actually finishing his essay.
He gets halfway through the essay before he decides it will be more expedient to actually answer Tina’s phone calls, and as he listens to her, he goes downstairs, primarily in search of more coffee. After he refills his mug, he starts walking back up the stairs slowly.
“I know, Tina,” he says. “But you have the same essay to finish, don’t-” he breaks off abruptly as he almost runs into Finn, who is exiting his room. Kurt freezes, mug halfway to his mouth and phone still pressed against his ear. Finn freezes, too, looking almost fragmented and somewhat indecisive, and as they stare at each other, Kurt can’t decide if Finn has a slight tremor or if Kurt himself is shaking. He can hear Tina’s voice echoing in his ear, and he finally shakes his head. “Sorry,” he mutters to Finn, stepping to the side.
“Yeah,” Finn says, and as he walks by Kurt, he seems to take extra care that none of him brushes against Kurt.
Kurt pivots, watching Finn go, until he realizes Tina is almost shouting. “Sorry, Tina,” he says, turning abruptly and hurrying to his room. “AP US History, Tina, we need to do our essays.” He closes the door to his room and gets off the phone, then silences his phone and flips it over. It’s easy enough to minimize that distraction, but harder to minimize the distraction of Finn in the same house, bumping into him every time he leaves his room.
With that in mind, Kurt stays in his room the rest of the afternoon, even after his essay is finished. He doesn’t leave his bedroom until Carole knocks on the door, announcing that dinner’s ready. Kurt yells back that he’ll be there in a moment, then putters around his room and plays solitaire on his phone until after he hears Finn’s footsteps going down the stairs. Once they stop, Kurt pockets his phone and takes a deep breath, opening his door and then walking down the stairs.
He sits down at the table, across from Finn and next to Burt, just as Carole looks ready to call him a second time. “Sorry,” he says, trying to sound as breathless as possible.
“Is everything alright?” Carole asks, and Kurt nods.
“Fine, fine,” Kurt says.
“You get that essay done?” Burt asks, handing a bowl of peas to Kurt.
Kurt serves himself some peas, then hands the bowl across to Finn. “Yes, I did,” Kurt says. “This looks delicious, Carole.” Finn takes the bowl very carefully, clearly trying to avoid their fingers touching, and Kurt notes that Finn is determinedly staring down at his plate.
“Oh, thank you,” Carole says, seeming not to notice the interaction, or lack thereof, between Kurt and Finn.
“Yeah, it looks good, Mom,” Finn says.
“Did you have any work to finish, Finn?” Carole asks.
“No,” Finn says.
“Quinn get over her prom queen loss yet?” Burt asks, sounding amused by the whole thing.
“No,” Finn says.
“I’m sure she’ll get past it soon,” Carole says, offering a smile in Finn’s direction. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
“She broke up with me.”
“Oh.” Carole’s smile drops. “Well, I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Kurt takes a bite of his peas, looking at his water glass and nowhere else, because he’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel about that, and even worse, he’s not even sure how he does feel about it. A part of him is relieved, because whatever else what he and Finn did means, at least he wasn’t really party to any sort of cheating. The rest of him isn’t sure if he’s happy or upset on Finn’s behalf.
Finn shrugs. “Yeah. Stuff happens.”
Carole looks like she’s not sure how to respond to that, but she pats Finn’s arm a few times before returning to her food. The rest of the meal is nearly as awkward, in Kurt’s view, but it’s mostly silent, until after everyone is done.
“We’ll leave the two of you to clean up, then,” Carole says as she and Burt stand, talking about a show they’re planning to watch that evening, and before Kurt can even begin to come up with an excuse, they’ve left the kitchen and he’s staring towards Finn across the table.
“I’ll load the dishwasher?” Kurt offers.
“I’ll take care of all of it,” Finn says. “It’s okay. You can go.”
“I don’t have a problem doing my share of the work,” Kurt says with a frown.
“And I don’t have a problem doing all of it tonight.”
“How are you going to explain your sudden generosity?” Kurt asks, standing up with his own plate in hand and going over to the dishwasher. “I already told them I finished my essay.”
“I don’t know. Tell them… tell them I owe you a favor or something,” Finn says.
Kurt rolls his eyes where Finn can’t see it as he puts his plate in the dishwasher. “I suspect I’d still end up doing it all myself one night later this week,” he says, and now, after a full day, the awkward routine is starting to feel less like awkwardness and more like avoidance. “Don’t worry, I won’t touch you,” he snaps.
“Okay,” Finn says, sounding defeated, and when Kurt glances at him, his shoulders are slumped.
Kurt frowns. “Isn’t that what you want?” he asks, his tone still sharp.
“I just- I just need to not be gay, okay? Not any amount of gay,” Finn says.
This time, Kurt lets Finn see him rolling his eyes, or at least rolls them where Finn could see them, if he looked at Kurt. “It’s not contagious,” Kurt says scathingly, then despite his intentions, he looks around the kitchen. “I’ll put the plates away and then leave so you don’t have to contaminate yourself,” he hisses, stalking back to the table and stacking the plates before loading the dishwasher. The combination of everything that’s happened over the weekend bears down on his shoulders, at least metaphorically, and he has to lean against the counter after setting the plates down, collecting himself before he can start loading the plates into the dishwasher.
Finn mutters something quietly, so quietly that Kurt can’t make it out, and Kurt doesn’t pause as he finishes loading the plates. Without looking at Finn, he crosses to the refrigerator, getting out a can of pop.
“I’m sorry,” Finn says softly, so softly that Kurt could probably pretend he didn’t hear him. Kurt opens his pop without saying a word, then leaves the kitchen, deciding that ignoring Finn is probably the better route to peace in the house.
Kurt makes it all the way to his room, half of the pop gone, before he can feel his eyes starting to spill over, and he locks the door as soon as it’s fully closed before collapsing against it. He considers getting himself tissues, but even the tissues remind him of the night before, and the combination of being elected prom queen, Blaine breaking up with him without having the decency to do it face to face, and the pairing of Finn’s outright rejection and his seeming reversion to homophobia are all too much for Kurt. He cries as quietly as he can, still slumped against his door, and he wonders how he’s supposed to act like everything is okay when he goes to school the next day.
While he cries, he decides that he’ll tell everyone at school the same story that he told his dad, that Blaine had a panic attack. He might be able to put off telling people about the break up for at least a few more days. They all know about prom queen; there’s nothing Kurt can do about that. If Finn can manage to act at least somewhat normally around him at school, Kurt may get through Monday, at least.
Even though that’s settled in his mind, it doesn’t stop the steady flow of tears, and after fifteen minutes or so, Kurt can hear Finn’s footsteps climbing the stairs. They pause outside Kurt’s door, and Kurt does his best not to cry audibly while Finn is there. Finn stands there for a long time, long enough that Kurt knows some sobs sneak out loudly enough that Finn can hear them, and then he finally hears and feels Finn continue down the hall, going into his own bedroom.
When the crying finally stops completely, Kurt forces himself to stand, and he goes to the bathroom, doing his evening skin routine early before putting on pajamas. He avoids the clothes he wore the night before, packs his bag for school the next morning, and only after he’s completely ready for bed and his lights are out does he unlock his door. As he climbs into bed, he buries his face in his pillow, his ears straining for any sign that Finn is still awake.
Once he concentrates, he can hear what sounds like pacing, like Finn’s restless and moving about. Kurt thinks about Finn in a cage, striding back and forth with some kind of animal ears on a headband, then shakes his head at himself. He doesn’t know what Finn’s doing, but it doesn’t matter. He has to convince himself it doesn’t matter. Kurt sighs, annoyed with himself when he realizes that he’s sniffing the pillow, and it does very faintly smell like Finn, thanks to the night before. A few stray tears leak out, and Kurt doesn’t wipe them away, just lies in bed unmoving, listening to Finn’s footsteps down the hall.
The next morning, Kurt wakes up and manages to forget everything for approximately fifteen seconds before it all crashes down on him again. He locks his door again before going to shower, and this morning, he knows he wouldn’t think about Finn if he were to jerk off. He doesn’t jerk off at all, and he tries his best not to think about Finn. His shower is shorter than usual, but he spends more time than he usually allots fixing his hair and then choosing his outfit. He feels like he needs his outfit to do triple duty. He needs it to say, in essence, ‘fuck you’ to the rest of the school, but he also needs it to say ‘yes, I am queer’ while simultaneously saying ‘yes, I am a man’. He finally settles on a pair of tight red plaid pants with kneehigh boots, with a matching red short-sleeve shirt and a black tie. One scissors brooch and one hat later, Kurt feels sufficiently attired against whatever the day at school might bring, and he picks up his bag before going downstairs.
Kurt sets his bag near the door, then goes to get coffee, all without encountering anyone else. He can hear Burt or Carole in the shower upstairs, the other one moving around their bedroom, and he assumes Finn is either still asleep or already gone. When he turns around from the coffeemaker, however, Finn is framed by the doorway.
“Oh,” Kurt says quietly, his hands wrapped around his mug. “I’ll be done in a moment.”
“You don’t have to hurry,” Finn says. His eyes travel up and down Kurt like he’s cataloging him, then immediately avert when he notices Kurt noticing.
“I’m just getting a few granola bars,” Kurt says, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m going to go through the McDonald’s drive-through, if you need to avoid that, too.” He turns away from Finn, stretching to reach the granola bars on the top shelf.
Kurt feels Finn bump against his side, gently pushing him out of the way, then Finn plucks the box of granola bars from the shelf and sets it on the counter in front of Kurt. Kurt frowns as he opens the box, pulling out four of the bars. Finn doesn’t immediately move away, crowding into Kurt’s space.
“Thank you,” Kurt finally says a little snippily as he moves away with his granola bars.
“I don’t think anything bad about you,” Finn says, his voice quiet. “I don’t think any of that stuff you said.”
“Your actions suggest otherwise,” Kurt says, brushing past Finn and towards the door. “Just don’t tell anyone at school about Blaine yet, please. Give me that, at least.”
“Okay,” Finn says softly. “I won’t.”
Kurt sighs to himself as he retrieves his bag, putting the granola bars inside it, and he heads out to drive to school. He does go to McDonald’s, getting even more coffee, and by the time he parks at McKinley, he has his head held high, ready to get through whatever the day holds.
The day is moderately excruciating, which is what Kurt had expected. If someone asks him what Blaine said, he tells them that it was what they probably are expecting, which saves him from trying to guess what they expect. He repeats the panic attack excuse multiple times, and whenever he spots Finn walking down the hall with Puck or any of the other guys from glee club, Finn seems like he’s having a perfectly normal day. Only once does Kurt see Finn walking alone, a deep frown on his face, and Kurt ducks into a different hallway, wanting to avoid any sort of confrontation.
At the end of the day, Kurt considers trying to beat Finn home and barricading himself in his room, but instead he goes to the Lima Bean, perhaps because he enjoys torturing himself. Blaine isn’t there, of course, but Kurt is still able to torture himself with how unappealing he must be, to thoroughly repel not just one but two boys, all in one weekend.
When Burt calls to ask where he is, because dinner is almost ready, Kurt packs up his homework and drives home, once again the last person to sit down at the dinner table. The conversation attempts are even more stilted than the previous night, and Burt and Carole abandon their attempts to start conversation completely before very much of the meal passes.
Once Burt and Carole leave the room, Kurt starts carrying glasses to the sink. “Go on,” he says tiredly. “I’ll do it tonight.”
“No, I’ll help,” Finn says.
“It’s not necessary,” Kurt says tersely. “I’m sure you have assignments to complete.”
“You do, too.”
“I worked all afternoon. I have it. It’s fine,” Kurt says, starting to collect the silverware.
“No, I want to stay and help,” Finn insists.
“Are you sure?” Kurt says sharply. “It might be too gay for you.”
“Huh? It’s just dishes, Kurt,” Finn says.
“In the same room with me for more than five minutes,” Kurt says. “You said you needed to not be gay. Go be straight. Go call up a random Cheerio. I’m sure you got plenty of offers today.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Finn says.
“I’m not sure what else you could have meant!” Kurt retorts, and he can feel his nostrils flaring. “Just go to your happy little quarterback life and let me be!”
“I don’t know how to do that!” Finn replies, his voice raised. “I’m trying and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this!”
“You could start by not taking it out on me!” Kurt hisses back, glancing towards the living room, where Burt and Carole are sitting with the television on. “Do you need me to pick the Cheerio for you?”
“It’s not like that!”
“Then what is it like? Were you hoping I’d keep offering to blow you, but leave out the gay part of the evening? Did you want me to give some tips to whatever Cheerio you pick? What is it that you want from me, Finn?” Kurt says angrily.
“I want you to tell me I’m not gay!” Finn loud-whispers back at him, looking completely dejected. “Because I feel like maybe I am, and I don’t want to be!”
“Excuse me?” Kurt whispers incredulously. “You want me to tell you about your sexuality? I can’t do that, even if I wanted to.” He crosses his arms and glares at Finn. “And I can’t do anything about your latent homophobia, either.”
“I don’t have that- that thing you just said!” Finn says. “And I just thought you’d know, okay? I thought maybe you could tell, like I was doing it wrong or something, and you knew!”
“You just said you didn’t want to be gay, so I think you might, yes, and that’s ridiculous. You can’t do it wrong unless we’re just discussing general rude behavior, but either way, how would I know?” Kurt shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t tell you what you want, Finn. Only you know that.”
“But I was being gay with you, so I thought you’d be able to tell if I was bad at it!” Finn says. “And what I want is to jerk you off some more, ’cause it was super hot, and also awesome, but I think probably that’s not supposed to happen!”
Kurt can feel his jaw drop open, and he keeps staring at Finn. “Excuse me?” he finally stammers.
“And I looked at your butt. Like, all day, I looked at it, in your plaid pants, and it was like way better than a girl butt, and that made me confused, and also I’m probably not supposed to be gay with my brother,” Finn says, all in one long breath.
“I think we probably should not be around our parents right now,” Kurt says, unfolding his arms. “Upstairs, and yes my butt is nice, and non-biological stepbrothers,” he adds, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing Finn’s sleeve as he passes. Finn follows him, out of the kitchen and up the stairs, and when they reach Kurt’s room, he decides to lock the door. “Okay,” he says, turning and propping himself on the door slightly.
“Okay?” Finn parrots back.
“We can stop whispering,” Kurt says. “I’m going to ask you a question, Finn, because I want to know if your answer is the same as what you said a minute ago. What do you want?”
Finn looks a little like he’s afraid he might not pass this pop quiz, but he takes a deep breath and launches into another long ramble. “I want to be naked and jerking each other off, only if you’re mad at me, and don’t want to do me, I could just do you, ’cause it’s super hot and also awesome. Okay?”
“I can’t say that I object to that,” Kurt says slowly, “but, Finn, you do realize that is essentially gay?”
“Yes,” Finn says, wistfully.
“In fact, to use your own words, it’s pretty damn gay,” Kurt says.
Finn sighs loudly. “No, I think it’s probably completely damn gay,” he says. “But I don’t want it to be.”
“I don’t want to be the instrument of your self-loathing,” Kurt says. “Don’t make me something you’re using.” Kurt can’t be someone who Finn jerks off and even kisses, as long as they’re behind closed doors, but treated the same as before or worse as soon as they’re not, and Finn needs to know that.
"I'm not trying to do that! If I'm doing that, I don't mean to be!" Finn says.
“You want to jerk me off up here, but you spent all day yesterday avoiding me,” Kurt says. “That feels close to being used.”
"Because I don't know how to be gay, and I'm going to do it all wrong, and I don't want everything to have to change," Finn says, "and- and I don't want you to think I can do it right, and then I can't, and then you hate me. So it's better to just not be gay at all, so then it won't have to suck for both of us, just me."
“None of that made any sense,” Kurt says flatly. “Except for the part about fearing change. How in the world do you think… what do you mean by ‘how to be gay’?”
"Just, you know, being gay," Finn says. "Like how you've got to look nice, and there's all this stuff you have to know, and how you've got to be smart."
“Oh my god,” Kurt says, shaking his head. “Finn… you don’t have to do any of that. Not all gay people look like me, or like Blaine. Some of them look like David Karofsky!” As soon as he says it, he claps his hand over his mouth. “Oh shit oh shit.”
"Huh?" Finn says, his head slowly tilting to the side.
“Nothing!” Kurt says quickly. “Would you like me to Google some famous gay people? Larry Kramer, he’s hideous looking. Great writer. Barney Frank isn’t really that attractive, either.”
"Yeah, but they're smart, right?"
“There are gay criminals!” Kurt says quickly. “That’s not very smart.”
"Some criminals are really smart," Finn counters. "And it can't just be the liking dudes thing. That's too easy. If it was just about how awesome it is to jerk somebody off, probably a lot of people would be gay."
“I promise, Finn. That’s all it is,” Kurt says, his voice soft. “Everything else is what you could call gay culture, but it’s not all gay men, and it’s not a requirement. It’s about what you like and don’t like. Nothing else.”
"I like jerking you off," Finn says. "I like kissing you. I didn't know kissing could be that awesome."
“I’m not an authority on straight boys, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the opinion most of them would give,” Kurt whispers.
"Girls taste like lipstick or lipgloss."
“And you don’t like that?” Kurt asks, just to clarify what Finn seems to be saying.
"I don't like it as much as I liked kissing you," Finn says.
“I’m going to ask you a few more questions. It’s okay to say no, but I’m curious,” Kurt says. “Do you want to kiss me right now? Do you want to- you could touch my butt while you kiss me, if you wanted to. Do you want that?”
Finn nods his head slowly. "Yes, I want to do that."
“You mentioned being naked. Do you want me to help you with that, and vice versa?”
"Can I jerk you off again?"
“If you want to,” Kurt says, nodding.
"But do you want me to? You were really mad at me," Finn says.
“I thought you were repulsed by me,” Kurt says. “I think you’d be pretty angry if you thought that, too.”
"No, I just thought maybe I liked you too much," Finn says. "Too much for somebody like me."
“Somebody like you?” Kurt repeats, raising one eyebrow.
"Yeah, somebody like me, who wasn't going to be able to be gay the right way, like you wanted," Finn explains. "But- but you said I can't do it wrong, so maybe that means I don't like you too much."
“Like I wanted?” Kurt mutters to himself, not really sure what that means, then looks at Finn. “Why don’t we do what you want to do, and if I don’t like any particular thing for some reason, I’ll let you know.”
“So it’s okay that I want to jerk you off again? And kiss you and stuff?” Finn asks.
Kurt nods. “It’s okay with me.”
“Cool,” Finn says. “Right now?”
“You said you didn’t have any homework,” Kurt says, trying not to laugh.
“Nope. None.”
“Then I think now is a perfectly good time.”
“Cool,” Finn says again, stepping close to Kurt, pinning him between the door and Finn’s body. He puts his hands on either side of Kurt’s head, holding him still as their mouths barely touch. Kurt returns the kiss, putting his hands on Finn’s sides and pulling him a little closer. The kiss deepens, and it lasts a long time, Finn not moving his hands away from Kurt’s face.
Kurt turns his head to the side just enough to speak. “Is that all you want to do?” he asks. He knows he doesn’t really sound particularly flirty, but of Finn’s concerns, how Kurt sounds isn’t one, so Kurt decides to try it anyway.
“No,” Finn says. “It’s just what I wanted to do first.” He returns his lips to Kurt’s, letting his hands slide down Kurt’s neck, down his chest, down to his hips to pull Kurt tightly against him.
Kurt can hear himself whimper distantly, and he lets his arms slide around Finn’s back, holding him just as tightly. He lets his mouth open more widely, deepening the kiss again as they stand there kissing for long enough that Kurt loses track of how long they’ve been pressed together.
“Bed?” Kurt suggests as he breathes shallowly. “We could sit.”
“We could lie down,” Finn says. He steps backwards, pulling Kurt with him towards the bed. Once they reach the bed, Finn keeps pulling on Kurt, until both of them tumble onto the mattress.
Kurt laughs a little. “That’s true,” he says, suddenly glad he’d taken off his boots before sitting down to eat dinner. “Can I take your shirt off?”
“Yeah. Can I take off yours?” Finn asks, already pulling on it, trying to unfasten the buttons, ignoring Kurt’s tie completely.
“Yes,” Kurt says, putting his hands under Finn’s T-shirt. “Do you need me to take my tie off?”
“I can do it!” Finn says. “Just let me get there!”
Kurt laughs. “I didn’t say you couldn’t! I was just offering to help.” He pushes Finn’s T-shirt up higher, then bunches it in his hands. “Help me out here.”
“Here,” Finn says, lifting his arms so Kurt can pull the shirt over Finn’s head and toss it in the floor. Kurt puts his hands back on Finn’s chest, palms flat, and moves them slowly down. Finn’s hands return to Kurt’s shirt, unbuttoning it up to the neck, where Finn pauses to awkwardly undo Kurt’s tie before undoing the last button.
“Told you I could do it,” Finn says, pushing Kurt’s shirt off, down his arms to the bed. Kurt’s hands are still in the sleeves when Finn starts kissing him again, leaning his weight into Kurt to press him down against the bed.
Kurt wiggles one hand free as best he can, then gets the other one out of his sleeve so he can put both hands into Finn’s hair, almost combing it as he moves his hands through it repeatedly. As they kiss, Kurt’s body arches up a little, pressing towards Finn’s.
“This is good?” Kurt says, trying to communicate that it’s good for him at the same time he’s asking if it is for Finn.
“Yeah, this is great,” Finn says. He runs his hand down Kurt’s side, down to the waistband of the plaid pants.
“Okay,” Kurt says, moving his hands to Finn’s shoulders and moving his thumbs slowly. “I think so, too.” He pulls on Finn slightly, concentrating on the feel of Finn’s chest resting against his, both of their chests moving as they breathe, and Kurt lets out a content sigh. “Really great.”
“You want me to take your pants off?”
“Yes,” Kurt says, nodding. “That’s a great idea, too.”
“Cool. Awesome.” Finn rolls to the side, just enough to get his hand between them and start tugging on the fly, popping the button open. He lowers the zipper slowly and carefully, grinning in a way that looks more like he’s smiling to himself more than for Kurt’s benefit. “Yeah. Awesome,” he says.
Kurt bites back a laugh, nodding instead. “Yes,” he agrees. “It is.” He lifts his hips slightly, letting Finn work the plaid pants down past Kurt’s butt. Finn immediately puts his hand on the front of Kurt’s briefs, palming his cock through the fabric. Kurt's hips jerk forward, and he whimpers again. "Oh," he says softly.
“This is so awesome,” Finn says. “I could do this, like, all the time.”
“Okay,” Kurt says, because that sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea, the two of them locked in Kurt’s bedroom and undressed, lying on the bed. He puts his hands at the front of Finn’s jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them before grasping the jeans and boxer waistbands in his hands. “Lift up,” he says. Finn lifts up. Kurt slides Finn’s jeans and boxers off his hips and down to his knees, then moves his hands to pull each leg free. He tosses the clothes into the floor and then lies back down, slowly running his fingertips up Finn’s cock.
“Oh my god, Kurt,” Finn says. He tugs at the waist of Kurt’s briefs, trying to pull them down, too. Kurt lifts his hips again, feeling overwhelmed in what he thinks is possibly the best way to feel overwhelmed. He nods a little, leaning into Finn's touch and kissing him. Finn pulls Kurt’s briefs down to where his pants are, then moves his mouth away from Kurt’s to yank briefs and pants down to Kurt’s ankles.
Kurt kicks one leg free, then the other. "Yeah, this was a great plan," he says, putting his hand on Finn's cock again. He strokes it slowly, his eyes watching Finn's expression.
“Yeah. This is so great,” Finn says. He slides his hand up Kurt’s leg to his cock, grasping it loosely. “Still not that much like jerking myself off.”
"No," Kurt agrees. He moves his hand just a little bit faster, his eyes locked with Finn's. "It's a lot better, I think.”
“Definitely,” Finn says. His hand tightens slightly on Kurt’s cock. Kurt whimpers, a sound he’s slowly getting used to hearing himself make, and he pushes into Finn’s hand, his own hand tightening on Finn’s cock in response.
“Oh my god,” Kurt says quietly, putting his free hand on Finn’s shoulder and letting his fingers flex. He keeps stroking Finn with increasing pressure and speed, and then kisses Finn hard. Finn starts making high-pitched noises deep in his throat, the hand not sliding up and down Kurt’s cock moving to the back of Kurt’s head to hold him as they kiss.
Kurt pushes his tongue into Finn’s mouth, continuing to kiss Finn, and he moves his free hand up to the side of Finn’s neck, barely making contact with Finn’s skin. Kurt almost squeezes his fingers around Finn’s cock, his hand still moving rapidly. His hips twitch in response to the movements of Finn’s hand, and he whimpers a little, moving his head in a very slight nod, trying to encourage Finn to let go completely.
Finn’s body trembles, his hips jerking forward as he starts to come, spurting all over Kurt’s hand. Kurt continues kissing Finn, still pushing his cock into Finn’s hand while his own hand stops moving, and after a few moments, Kurt comes in Finn’s hand, letting out another whimper as he shakes a little.
Kurt lies besides Finn, his body still, for a few moments before he pulls back a little bit. “You’re right,” he mumbles.
“Yeah?” Finn says, sounding positively blissful, happy and relaxed and high.
“Definitely awesome,” Kurt says, laughing a little at the end of the sentence. “Also hot, like you said.” He opens his eyes and smiles at Finn. “Do you want to stay in here?” he asks, slightly uncertain about what the protocol should be, especially since they live in the same house to begin with. Kurt means overnight, but in case that’s not the right thing to say, he leaves it ambiguous, for Finn to interpret.
“Do you want me to?” Finn asks.
“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise,” Kurt says, chewing on his bottom lip.
“So… if I stay in here, do you think we could do this again?” Finn asks. “Maybe a couple more times?”
Kurt smiles at that and nods. “I think we could definitely manage that,” he says. He isn’t really sure what will happen when they wake up in the morning, and he definitely isn’t sure what happens when they leave Kurt’s bedroom and then their house, but he feels significantly better than he did when he went to bed the previous night or when he woke up that morning, so he nods again and moves a little closer to Finn, his eyes half-closing as he lets himself relax. Whatever the next day brings, Kurt knows it will happen whether he worries over it or not, so for once, he’s not going to worry and instead enjoy the moment.
Author(s): watchforwalkers & coincidental_penalties
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst/romance
Warnings: Past Finn/Quinn, Past Kurt/Blaine (neither appear in the fic for more than a glance, portrayal only mildly negative)
Spoilers: Through 2x20
Word Count: 7846
Summary: On the night of junior prom, Kurt is crowned prom queen and runs out of the gym into the hallway. Instead of Blaine following him, Kurt instead runs straight into Finn-literally-and changes the course of both their relationships.
Chapter 1
Kurt wakes up smushed against a person, and one arm is dangling off the bed before Kurt forces himself to sit up. He blinks and rubs his eyes, taking in the sight of Finn next to him and the Pretty in Pink DVD menu in front of him. He closes his eyes again, exhaling as he remembers the entire previous night, and he wonders what on earth came over him. Offering Finn a blow job, having Finn jerk him off, asking Finn to kiss him, and jerking Finn off-Kurt knows he can’t explain all of that away as acting out in response to prom queen and breaking up with Blaine.
He winces, turns off the DVD, and then turns to Finn, shaking his shoulder gently. “Finn?”
“Wha- huh?” Finn mumbles. “Where’m I at?”
“We fell asleep during Pretty in Pink,” Kurt answers. “It’s past breakfast but not quite lunch time.”
“Oh. Okay.” Finn is still and quiet for a few moments, and Kurt wonders if he fell asleep again, but finally, Finn says, “I’m going to get up and, uh, shower, I guess.”
“Probably a good idea,” Kurt says, moving his hand from Finn’s shoulder and sitting up straight on the edge of the bed. “I’m going to go avoid Dad as much as possible while I get coffee.”
“Yeah, me too,” Finn says. He sits up and swings his legs over the opposite side of the bed without looking at Kurt. “So I’ll see you later, I guess,” he says, with what sounds like a hint of melancholy in his voice.
“Probably at lunch,” Kurt agrees, trying to keep his voice light. If he felt like he was in a teen movie the night before, now he feels like he’s in a B-movie romance-gone-wrong, neither of them looking at the other, talking in a stilted fashion. Of course, Kurt mentally acknowledges, if they were actually in a movie they’d be roommates, not related by marriage, and one of them would be a girl. He doesn’t say any of that out loud, just stands and goes to the bathroom door, pausing in front of it.
Finn stands up, and still without looking to Kurt or saying another word, he slowly walks out of the room, shutting Kurt’s door again behind himself. Kurt sighs a little and goes into the bathroom, shutting that door as well before going to stare at himself in the mirror.
“It was some kind of magical prom spell,” Kurt tells his reflection. “The universe wanted to make up for the prom queen thing, or something. It’ll be a little awkward today and maybe tomorrow, but by Tuesday or Wednesday, we’ll just be brothers again.” He pauses and sighs. “Albeit possibly single ones. We know I’ll be single, anyway.”
Kurt turns away from the mirror, starting the shower and letting the water heat up while he gets undressed. “Not going to think about it,” he mutters to himself, but his cock has other ideas, and Kurt glares at it. “It’s not happening!”
Once the water is hot, though, and Kurt steps under the spray, he starts washing his hair, and the feel of his own fingers in his hair makes him remember how it felt to have Finn’s hands in his hair. His cock remembers how it felt to have Finn’s hand there, too, and once he starts thinking about that, his mind replays how amazing it was, kissing Finn while their hands were on each other’s cocks, and how it felt to have Finn’s cock in his mouth. Kurt can hear everything Finn said, repeating on a loop in his head, and even after everything, Kurt had felt so comfortable watching the movie with Finn next to him.
A thought of Blaine pushes its way into Kurt’s mind, and Kurt deliberately pushes it away again, thinking about Finn, and he’s already stroking himself before he realizes he didn’t make the conscious decision to jerk off while thinking about Finn. His hand is there, though, moving leisurely, and Kurt closes his eyes, letting himself remember how it felt to kiss Finn, his hand on Finn’s cock and Finn’s hand on Kurt’s cock. Kurt’s hand moves faster as he thinks about what it could be like, giving Finn a blow job while Finn’s hand is on Kurt. Then Kurt imagines the way Finn kisses, but his mouth on Kurt’s cock instead, and it’s that thought, the idea of the two of them blowing each other at the same time, that makes Kurt come, yelling a little louder than he intends.
No one comes to check on him, at least, and he finishes washing himself and rinsing his hair before standing under the hot spray for a few extra minutes. The water starts to grow a little cooler, closer to warm, before Kurt turns it off and starts to towel off.
He stands in front of his closet for at least five minutes, trying to mentally review his calendar before giving up and picking up his phone. There are several text messages but, Kurt notes immediately, none of them are from Blaine. Kurt hadn’t really expected there to be, and he wouldn’t have done anything with Finn if he truly had expected something from Blaine, but the lack confirms it - Kurt is once again single.
There’s nothing listed on his calendar on his phone, though, which means that while Mercedes or Rachel or Tina might call, he can beg off with the excuse that they didn’t have plans set in stone. He’s not ready to put on a happy face, pretending that the previous day just rolled off his back. That decided, Kurt gets dressed and heads downstairs quietly, listening for his dad watching television before slipping into the kitchen for coffee.
Once he steps into the kitchen, however, he almost takes a step backward when he sees Finn. Instead, he continues, barely faltering, and half-smiles at Finn. “Hi,” he says quietly.
“Hey,” Finn says, not quite looking at Kurt, and not quite smiling. “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.” He picks his mug up from the counter and sidesteps Kurt, heading for the hall.
“It’s fine,” Kurt says, getting out his own mug. “You’re fine.”
“Yeah. Sorry,” Finn says, and then he’s gone, down the hall and presumably back up the stairs again.
Kurt stares at his mug, pouring coffee into it. “Fine,” he repeats softly. “If I say it enough, maybe it will work.” He replaces the coffee pot and picks up his mug, listening for the sound of the television again before heading up the stairs. Maybe after he drinks his coffee and responds to his messages, he should take a nap, just to give the two of them a few more hours. Kurt can sleep through lunch, and surely by dinner, things will be back to normal.
He does take a nap, but when he goes downstairs to find his own lunch, he hears Finn enter the kitchen while Kurt’s head is in the refrigerator.
“Hi,” Kurt says into the milk jug, waving his hand behind him in a manner vaguely reminiscent of saying hello.
“Hey,” Finn answers. “Sorry. I’ll be out of your way in a second.”
“Someone already ate all of the leftover chicken,” Kurt reports, pulling out a package of turkey with a frown before moving to the table to assemble a sandwich.
“Oh. Too bad.”
Kurt looks up at that. “Wait. Did you eat all of the leftover chicken?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“I should have known,” Kurt says, shaking his head as he adds mustard to his sandwich. “Don’t touch the leftover chili!”
“Don’t worry,” Finn says, his tone dreary. “I won’t touch anything I’m not supposed to touch.” He turns abruptly and leaves the kitchen again.
“Okay,” Kurt says very softly to the empty air, putting the final piece of bread on his sandwich and putting everything away before taking his plate with his sandwich up to his room. He’s had two awkward encounters with Finn, yes, but at least he’s avoided his dad.
When he finishes his sandwich, Kurt sets his plate on his chest of drawers and opens up his bag, knowing he has to do at least one assignment before Monday morning. Before he can do more than find the correct chapter, there’s a knock on Kurt’s door, and Kurt calls out, “Come in!” He hopes it’s Finn, so they can perhaps talk and so avoid more awkward moments, but when the door opens, it’s Burt instead.
“Hey,” Burt says. “I’ve been missing you all day. Wanted to ask you how prom went!”
“Oh.” Kurt puts on his very best fake smile. “Last night was a lot of fun,” he says. There’s enough time later to figure out how to tell Burt that Blaine broke up with him. “I think everyone had a good time.”
“Everybody but Finn, maybe,” Burt says, shaking. “What bug crawled up his butt? He’s been in a weird mood all day!”
“Maybe he’s tired?” Kurt says. “I think Quinn might have been upset with him at one point.”
“She not win prom queen or something?”
“No,” Kurt says slowly, hoping Burt doesn’t go anywhere near Finn’s truck, just in case. “She didn’t. David Karofsky won prom king,” he adds, hoping that Burt will remember that Santana was running with him, and that Burt will assume Santana won.
Burt frowns. “Well, I hope Finn wasn’t too disappointed, anyway.”
“I think he was more concerned with running in order to make Quinn happy,” Kurt says. “It’ll be a relief to get back to school as usual, without the campaigns.”
“Yeah, I bet. Did Blaine have a nice time?”
“Oh, um. He… had a panic attack!” Kurt improvises. “It ended up reminding him too much of the Sadie Hawkins dance,” he continues, “so he had to leave early. I rode home with Finn. After he took Quinn home!”
“Well, that’s a shame about Blaine,” Burt says. “Glad the rest of you kids had a good night, though.”
“Mmmhmm,” Kurt agrees, nodding. “I should really work on this history essay, Dad. The College Board doesn’t care when prom was, they only care when the AP exam is.”
“All right, I’ll leave you to it. Good luck with that essay,” Burt says, giving Kurt a nod before he steps out of the room and shuts the door.
Kurt holds his breath until he hears Burt take a few steps down the hall, and then he exhales heavily, hoping Burt doesn’t ask Finn the same questions, or at least not until after Kurt can confirm the answers he gave with Finn. Kurt frowns as he stares at his book, then decides to be proactive. He types out a quick text to Finn with the important points, then sends it before he can second-guess himself. A few minutes pass before Kurt gets a response, reading simply “ok thx,” and Kurt sighs a little as he puts the phone down, intent on actually finishing his essay.
He gets halfway through the essay before he decides it will be more expedient to actually answer Tina’s phone calls, and as he listens to her, he goes downstairs, primarily in search of more coffee. After he refills his mug, he starts walking back up the stairs slowly.
“I know, Tina,” he says. “But you have the same essay to finish, don’t-” he breaks off abruptly as he almost runs into Finn, who is exiting his room. Kurt freezes, mug halfway to his mouth and phone still pressed against his ear. Finn freezes, too, looking almost fragmented and somewhat indecisive, and as they stare at each other, Kurt can’t decide if Finn has a slight tremor or if Kurt himself is shaking. He can hear Tina’s voice echoing in his ear, and he finally shakes his head. “Sorry,” he mutters to Finn, stepping to the side.
“Yeah,” Finn says, and as he walks by Kurt, he seems to take extra care that none of him brushes against Kurt.
Kurt pivots, watching Finn go, until he realizes Tina is almost shouting. “Sorry, Tina,” he says, turning abruptly and hurrying to his room. “AP US History, Tina, we need to do our essays.” He closes the door to his room and gets off the phone, then silences his phone and flips it over. It’s easy enough to minimize that distraction, but harder to minimize the distraction of Finn in the same house, bumping into him every time he leaves his room.
With that in mind, Kurt stays in his room the rest of the afternoon, even after his essay is finished. He doesn’t leave his bedroom until Carole knocks on the door, announcing that dinner’s ready. Kurt yells back that he’ll be there in a moment, then putters around his room and plays solitaire on his phone until after he hears Finn’s footsteps going down the stairs. Once they stop, Kurt pockets his phone and takes a deep breath, opening his door and then walking down the stairs.
He sits down at the table, across from Finn and next to Burt, just as Carole looks ready to call him a second time. “Sorry,” he says, trying to sound as breathless as possible.
“Is everything alright?” Carole asks, and Kurt nods.
“Fine, fine,” Kurt says.
“You get that essay done?” Burt asks, handing a bowl of peas to Kurt.
Kurt serves himself some peas, then hands the bowl across to Finn. “Yes, I did,” Kurt says. “This looks delicious, Carole.” Finn takes the bowl very carefully, clearly trying to avoid their fingers touching, and Kurt notes that Finn is determinedly staring down at his plate.
“Oh, thank you,” Carole says, seeming not to notice the interaction, or lack thereof, between Kurt and Finn.
“Yeah, it looks good, Mom,” Finn says.
“Did you have any work to finish, Finn?” Carole asks.
“No,” Finn says.
“Quinn get over her prom queen loss yet?” Burt asks, sounding amused by the whole thing.
“No,” Finn says.
“I’m sure she’ll get past it soon,” Carole says, offering a smile in Finn’s direction. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
“She broke up with me.”
“Oh.” Carole’s smile drops. “Well, I’m sorry, sweetie.”
Kurt takes a bite of his peas, looking at his water glass and nowhere else, because he’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel about that, and even worse, he’s not even sure how he does feel about it. A part of him is relieved, because whatever else what he and Finn did means, at least he wasn’t really party to any sort of cheating. The rest of him isn’t sure if he’s happy or upset on Finn’s behalf.
Finn shrugs. “Yeah. Stuff happens.”
Carole looks like she’s not sure how to respond to that, but she pats Finn’s arm a few times before returning to her food. The rest of the meal is nearly as awkward, in Kurt’s view, but it’s mostly silent, until after everyone is done.
“We’ll leave the two of you to clean up, then,” Carole says as she and Burt stand, talking about a show they’re planning to watch that evening, and before Kurt can even begin to come up with an excuse, they’ve left the kitchen and he’s staring towards Finn across the table.
“I’ll load the dishwasher?” Kurt offers.
“I’ll take care of all of it,” Finn says. “It’s okay. You can go.”
“I don’t have a problem doing my share of the work,” Kurt says with a frown.
“And I don’t have a problem doing all of it tonight.”
“How are you going to explain your sudden generosity?” Kurt asks, standing up with his own plate in hand and going over to the dishwasher. “I already told them I finished my essay.”
“I don’t know. Tell them… tell them I owe you a favor or something,” Finn says.
Kurt rolls his eyes where Finn can’t see it as he puts his plate in the dishwasher. “I suspect I’d still end up doing it all myself one night later this week,” he says, and now, after a full day, the awkward routine is starting to feel less like awkwardness and more like avoidance. “Don’t worry, I won’t touch you,” he snaps.
“Okay,” Finn says, sounding defeated, and when Kurt glances at him, his shoulders are slumped.
Kurt frowns. “Isn’t that what you want?” he asks, his tone still sharp.
“I just- I just need to not be gay, okay? Not any amount of gay,” Finn says.
This time, Kurt lets Finn see him rolling his eyes, or at least rolls them where Finn could see them, if he looked at Kurt. “It’s not contagious,” Kurt says scathingly, then despite his intentions, he looks around the kitchen. “I’ll put the plates away and then leave so you don’t have to contaminate yourself,” he hisses, stalking back to the table and stacking the plates before loading the dishwasher. The combination of everything that’s happened over the weekend bears down on his shoulders, at least metaphorically, and he has to lean against the counter after setting the plates down, collecting himself before he can start loading the plates into the dishwasher.
Finn mutters something quietly, so quietly that Kurt can’t make it out, and Kurt doesn’t pause as he finishes loading the plates. Without looking at Finn, he crosses to the refrigerator, getting out a can of pop.
“I’m sorry,” Finn says softly, so softly that Kurt could probably pretend he didn’t hear him. Kurt opens his pop without saying a word, then leaves the kitchen, deciding that ignoring Finn is probably the better route to peace in the house.
Kurt makes it all the way to his room, half of the pop gone, before he can feel his eyes starting to spill over, and he locks the door as soon as it’s fully closed before collapsing against it. He considers getting himself tissues, but even the tissues remind him of the night before, and the combination of being elected prom queen, Blaine breaking up with him without having the decency to do it face to face, and the pairing of Finn’s outright rejection and his seeming reversion to homophobia are all too much for Kurt. He cries as quietly as he can, still slumped against his door, and he wonders how he’s supposed to act like everything is okay when he goes to school the next day.
While he cries, he decides that he’ll tell everyone at school the same story that he told his dad, that Blaine had a panic attack. He might be able to put off telling people about the break up for at least a few more days. They all know about prom queen; there’s nothing Kurt can do about that. If Finn can manage to act at least somewhat normally around him at school, Kurt may get through Monday, at least.
Even though that’s settled in his mind, it doesn’t stop the steady flow of tears, and after fifteen minutes or so, Kurt can hear Finn’s footsteps climbing the stairs. They pause outside Kurt’s door, and Kurt does his best not to cry audibly while Finn is there. Finn stands there for a long time, long enough that Kurt knows some sobs sneak out loudly enough that Finn can hear them, and then he finally hears and feels Finn continue down the hall, going into his own bedroom.
When the crying finally stops completely, Kurt forces himself to stand, and he goes to the bathroom, doing his evening skin routine early before putting on pajamas. He avoids the clothes he wore the night before, packs his bag for school the next morning, and only after he’s completely ready for bed and his lights are out does he unlock his door. As he climbs into bed, he buries his face in his pillow, his ears straining for any sign that Finn is still awake.
Once he concentrates, he can hear what sounds like pacing, like Finn’s restless and moving about. Kurt thinks about Finn in a cage, striding back and forth with some kind of animal ears on a headband, then shakes his head at himself. He doesn’t know what Finn’s doing, but it doesn’t matter. He has to convince himself it doesn’t matter. Kurt sighs, annoyed with himself when he realizes that he’s sniffing the pillow, and it does very faintly smell like Finn, thanks to the night before. A few stray tears leak out, and Kurt doesn’t wipe them away, just lies in bed unmoving, listening to Finn’s footsteps down the hall.
The next morning, Kurt wakes up and manages to forget everything for approximately fifteen seconds before it all crashes down on him again. He locks his door again before going to shower, and this morning, he knows he wouldn’t think about Finn if he were to jerk off. He doesn’t jerk off at all, and he tries his best not to think about Finn. His shower is shorter than usual, but he spends more time than he usually allots fixing his hair and then choosing his outfit. He feels like he needs his outfit to do triple duty. He needs it to say, in essence, ‘fuck you’ to the rest of the school, but he also needs it to say ‘yes, I am queer’ while simultaneously saying ‘yes, I am a man’. He finally settles on a pair of tight red plaid pants with kneehigh boots, with a matching red short-sleeve shirt and a black tie. One scissors brooch and one hat later, Kurt feels sufficiently attired against whatever the day at school might bring, and he picks up his bag before going downstairs.
Kurt sets his bag near the door, then goes to get coffee, all without encountering anyone else. He can hear Burt or Carole in the shower upstairs, the other one moving around their bedroom, and he assumes Finn is either still asleep or already gone. When he turns around from the coffeemaker, however, Finn is framed by the doorway.
“Oh,” Kurt says quietly, his hands wrapped around his mug. “I’ll be done in a moment.”
“You don’t have to hurry,” Finn says. His eyes travel up and down Kurt like he’s cataloging him, then immediately avert when he notices Kurt noticing.
“I’m just getting a few granola bars,” Kurt says, taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m going to go through the McDonald’s drive-through, if you need to avoid that, too.” He turns away from Finn, stretching to reach the granola bars on the top shelf.
Kurt feels Finn bump against his side, gently pushing him out of the way, then Finn plucks the box of granola bars from the shelf and sets it on the counter in front of Kurt. Kurt frowns as he opens the box, pulling out four of the bars. Finn doesn’t immediately move away, crowding into Kurt’s space.
“Thank you,” Kurt finally says a little snippily as he moves away with his granola bars.
“I don’t think anything bad about you,” Finn says, his voice quiet. “I don’t think any of that stuff you said.”
“Your actions suggest otherwise,” Kurt says, brushing past Finn and towards the door. “Just don’t tell anyone at school about Blaine yet, please. Give me that, at least.”
“Okay,” Finn says softly. “I won’t.”
Kurt sighs to himself as he retrieves his bag, putting the granola bars inside it, and he heads out to drive to school. He does go to McDonald’s, getting even more coffee, and by the time he parks at McKinley, he has his head held high, ready to get through whatever the day holds.
The day is moderately excruciating, which is what Kurt had expected. If someone asks him what Blaine said, he tells them that it was what they probably are expecting, which saves him from trying to guess what they expect. He repeats the panic attack excuse multiple times, and whenever he spots Finn walking down the hall with Puck or any of the other guys from glee club, Finn seems like he’s having a perfectly normal day. Only once does Kurt see Finn walking alone, a deep frown on his face, and Kurt ducks into a different hallway, wanting to avoid any sort of confrontation.
At the end of the day, Kurt considers trying to beat Finn home and barricading himself in his room, but instead he goes to the Lima Bean, perhaps because he enjoys torturing himself. Blaine isn’t there, of course, but Kurt is still able to torture himself with how unappealing he must be, to thoroughly repel not just one but two boys, all in one weekend.
When Burt calls to ask where he is, because dinner is almost ready, Kurt packs up his homework and drives home, once again the last person to sit down at the dinner table. The conversation attempts are even more stilted than the previous night, and Burt and Carole abandon their attempts to start conversation completely before very much of the meal passes.
Once Burt and Carole leave the room, Kurt starts carrying glasses to the sink. “Go on,” he says tiredly. “I’ll do it tonight.”
“No, I’ll help,” Finn says.
“It’s not necessary,” Kurt says tersely. “I’m sure you have assignments to complete.”
“You do, too.”
“I worked all afternoon. I have it. It’s fine,” Kurt says, starting to collect the silverware.
“No, I want to stay and help,” Finn insists.
“Are you sure?” Kurt says sharply. “It might be too gay for you.”
“Huh? It’s just dishes, Kurt,” Finn says.
“In the same room with me for more than five minutes,” Kurt says. “You said you needed to not be gay. Go be straight. Go call up a random Cheerio. I’m sure you got plenty of offers today.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Finn says.
“I’m not sure what else you could have meant!” Kurt retorts, and he can feel his nostrils flaring. “Just go to your happy little quarterback life and let me be!”
“I don’t know how to do that!” Finn replies, his voice raised. “I’m trying and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this!”
“You could start by not taking it out on me!” Kurt hisses back, glancing towards the living room, where Burt and Carole are sitting with the television on. “Do you need me to pick the Cheerio for you?”
“It’s not like that!”
“Then what is it like? Were you hoping I’d keep offering to blow you, but leave out the gay part of the evening? Did you want me to give some tips to whatever Cheerio you pick? What is it that you want from me, Finn?” Kurt says angrily.
“I want you to tell me I’m not gay!” Finn loud-whispers back at him, looking completely dejected. “Because I feel like maybe I am, and I don’t want to be!”
“Excuse me?” Kurt whispers incredulously. “You want me to tell you about your sexuality? I can’t do that, even if I wanted to.” He crosses his arms and glares at Finn. “And I can’t do anything about your latent homophobia, either.”
“I don’t have that- that thing you just said!” Finn says. “And I just thought you’d know, okay? I thought maybe you could tell, like I was doing it wrong or something, and you knew!”
“You just said you didn’t want to be gay, so I think you might, yes, and that’s ridiculous. You can’t do it wrong unless we’re just discussing general rude behavior, but either way, how would I know?” Kurt shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t tell you what you want, Finn. Only you know that.”
“But I was being gay with you, so I thought you’d be able to tell if I was bad at it!” Finn says. “And what I want is to jerk you off some more, ’cause it was super hot, and also awesome, but I think probably that’s not supposed to happen!”
Kurt can feel his jaw drop open, and he keeps staring at Finn. “Excuse me?” he finally stammers.
“And I looked at your butt. Like, all day, I looked at it, in your plaid pants, and it was like way better than a girl butt, and that made me confused, and also I’m probably not supposed to be gay with my brother,” Finn says, all in one long breath.
“I think we probably should not be around our parents right now,” Kurt says, unfolding his arms. “Upstairs, and yes my butt is nice, and non-biological stepbrothers,” he adds, walking out of the kitchen and grabbing Finn’s sleeve as he passes. Finn follows him, out of the kitchen and up the stairs, and when they reach Kurt’s room, he decides to lock the door. “Okay,” he says, turning and propping himself on the door slightly.
“Okay?” Finn parrots back.
“We can stop whispering,” Kurt says. “I’m going to ask you a question, Finn, because I want to know if your answer is the same as what you said a minute ago. What do you want?”
Finn looks a little like he’s afraid he might not pass this pop quiz, but he takes a deep breath and launches into another long ramble. “I want to be naked and jerking each other off, only if you’re mad at me, and don’t want to do me, I could just do you, ’cause it’s super hot and also awesome. Okay?”
“I can’t say that I object to that,” Kurt says slowly, “but, Finn, you do realize that is essentially gay?”
“Yes,” Finn says, wistfully.
“In fact, to use your own words, it’s pretty damn gay,” Kurt says.
Finn sighs loudly. “No, I think it’s probably completely damn gay,” he says. “But I don’t want it to be.”
“I don’t want to be the instrument of your self-loathing,” Kurt says. “Don’t make me something you’re using.” Kurt can’t be someone who Finn jerks off and even kisses, as long as they’re behind closed doors, but treated the same as before or worse as soon as they’re not, and Finn needs to know that.
"I'm not trying to do that! If I'm doing that, I don't mean to be!" Finn says.
“You want to jerk me off up here, but you spent all day yesterday avoiding me,” Kurt says. “That feels close to being used.”
"Because I don't know how to be gay, and I'm going to do it all wrong, and I don't want everything to have to change," Finn says, "and- and I don't want you to think I can do it right, and then I can't, and then you hate me. So it's better to just not be gay at all, so then it won't have to suck for both of us, just me."
“None of that made any sense,” Kurt says flatly. “Except for the part about fearing change. How in the world do you think… what do you mean by ‘how to be gay’?”
"Just, you know, being gay," Finn says. "Like how you've got to look nice, and there's all this stuff you have to know, and how you've got to be smart."
“Oh my god,” Kurt says, shaking his head. “Finn… you don’t have to do any of that. Not all gay people look like me, or like Blaine. Some of them look like David Karofsky!” As soon as he says it, he claps his hand over his mouth. “Oh shit oh shit.”
"Huh?" Finn says, his head slowly tilting to the side.
“Nothing!” Kurt says quickly. “Would you like me to Google some famous gay people? Larry Kramer, he’s hideous looking. Great writer. Barney Frank isn’t really that attractive, either.”
"Yeah, but they're smart, right?"
“There are gay criminals!” Kurt says quickly. “That’s not very smart.”
"Some criminals are really smart," Finn counters. "And it can't just be the liking dudes thing. That's too easy. If it was just about how awesome it is to jerk somebody off, probably a lot of people would be gay."
“I promise, Finn. That’s all it is,” Kurt says, his voice soft. “Everything else is what you could call gay culture, but it’s not all gay men, and it’s not a requirement. It’s about what you like and don’t like. Nothing else.”
"I like jerking you off," Finn says. "I like kissing you. I didn't know kissing could be that awesome."
“I’m not an authority on straight boys, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the opinion most of them would give,” Kurt whispers.
"Girls taste like lipstick or lipgloss."
“And you don’t like that?” Kurt asks, just to clarify what Finn seems to be saying.
"I don't like it as much as I liked kissing you," Finn says.
“I’m going to ask you a few more questions. It’s okay to say no, but I’m curious,” Kurt says. “Do you want to kiss me right now? Do you want to- you could touch my butt while you kiss me, if you wanted to. Do you want that?”
Finn nods his head slowly. "Yes, I want to do that."
“You mentioned being naked. Do you want me to help you with that, and vice versa?”
"Can I jerk you off again?"
“If you want to,” Kurt says, nodding.
"But do you want me to? You were really mad at me," Finn says.
“I thought you were repulsed by me,” Kurt says. “I think you’d be pretty angry if you thought that, too.”
"No, I just thought maybe I liked you too much," Finn says. "Too much for somebody like me."
“Somebody like you?” Kurt repeats, raising one eyebrow.
"Yeah, somebody like me, who wasn't going to be able to be gay the right way, like you wanted," Finn explains. "But- but you said I can't do it wrong, so maybe that means I don't like you too much."
“Like I wanted?” Kurt mutters to himself, not really sure what that means, then looks at Finn. “Why don’t we do what you want to do, and if I don’t like any particular thing for some reason, I’ll let you know.”
“So it’s okay that I want to jerk you off again? And kiss you and stuff?” Finn asks.
Kurt nods. “It’s okay with me.”
“Cool,” Finn says. “Right now?”
“You said you didn’t have any homework,” Kurt says, trying not to laugh.
“Nope. None.”
“Then I think now is a perfectly good time.”
“Cool,” Finn says again, stepping close to Kurt, pinning him between the door and Finn’s body. He puts his hands on either side of Kurt’s head, holding him still as their mouths barely touch. Kurt returns the kiss, putting his hands on Finn’s sides and pulling him a little closer. The kiss deepens, and it lasts a long time, Finn not moving his hands away from Kurt’s face.
Kurt turns his head to the side just enough to speak. “Is that all you want to do?” he asks. He knows he doesn’t really sound particularly flirty, but of Finn’s concerns, how Kurt sounds isn’t one, so Kurt decides to try it anyway.
“No,” Finn says. “It’s just what I wanted to do first.” He returns his lips to Kurt’s, letting his hands slide down Kurt’s neck, down his chest, down to his hips to pull Kurt tightly against him.
Kurt can hear himself whimper distantly, and he lets his arms slide around Finn’s back, holding him just as tightly. He lets his mouth open more widely, deepening the kiss again as they stand there kissing for long enough that Kurt loses track of how long they’ve been pressed together.
“Bed?” Kurt suggests as he breathes shallowly. “We could sit.”
“We could lie down,” Finn says. He steps backwards, pulling Kurt with him towards the bed. Once they reach the bed, Finn keeps pulling on Kurt, until both of them tumble onto the mattress.
Kurt laughs a little. “That’s true,” he says, suddenly glad he’d taken off his boots before sitting down to eat dinner. “Can I take your shirt off?”
“Yeah. Can I take off yours?” Finn asks, already pulling on it, trying to unfasten the buttons, ignoring Kurt’s tie completely.
“Yes,” Kurt says, putting his hands under Finn’s T-shirt. “Do you need me to take my tie off?”
“I can do it!” Finn says. “Just let me get there!”
Kurt laughs. “I didn’t say you couldn’t! I was just offering to help.” He pushes Finn’s T-shirt up higher, then bunches it in his hands. “Help me out here.”
“Here,” Finn says, lifting his arms so Kurt can pull the shirt over Finn’s head and toss it in the floor. Kurt puts his hands back on Finn’s chest, palms flat, and moves them slowly down. Finn’s hands return to Kurt’s shirt, unbuttoning it up to the neck, where Finn pauses to awkwardly undo Kurt’s tie before undoing the last button.
“Told you I could do it,” Finn says, pushing Kurt’s shirt off, down his arms to the bed. Kurt’s hands are still in the sleeves when Finn starts kissing him again, leaning his weight into Kurt to press him down against the bed.
Kurt wiggles one hand free as best he can, then gets the other one out of his sleeve so he can put both hands into Finn’s hair, almost combing it as he moves his hands through it repeatedly. As they kiss, Kurt’s body arches up a little, pressing towards Finn’s.
“This is good?” Kurt says, trying to communicate that it’s good for him at the same time he’s asking if it is for Finn.
“Yeah, this is great,” Finn says. He runs his hand down Kurt’s side, down to the waistband of the plaid pants.
“Okay,” Kurt says, moving his hands to Finn’s shoulders and moving his thumbs slowly. “I think so, too.” He pulls on Finn slightly, concentrating on the feel of Finn’s chest resting against his, both of their chests moving as they breathe, and Kurt lets out a content sigh. “Really great.”
“You want me to take your pants off?”
“Yes,” Kurt says, nodding. “That’s a great idea, too.”
“Cool. Awesome.” Finn rolls to the side, just enough to get his hand between them and start tugging on the fly, popping the button open. He lowers the zipper slowly and carefully, grinning in a way that looks more like he’s smiling to himself more than for Kurt’s benefit. “Yeah. Awesome,” he says.
Kurt bites back a laugh, nodding instead. “Yes,” he agrees. “It is.” He lifts his hips slightly, letting Finn work the plaid pants down past Kurt’s butt. Finn immediately puts his hand on the front of Kurt’s briefs, palming his cock through the fabric. Kurt's hips jerk forward, and he whimpers again. "Oh," he says softly.
“This is so awesome,” Finn says. “I could do this, like, all the time.”
“Okay,” Kurt says, because that sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea, the two of them locked in Kurt’s bedroom and undressed, lying on the bed. He puts his hands at the front of Finn’s jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them before grasping the jeans and boxer waistbands in his hands. “Lift up,” he says. Finn lifts up. Kurt slides Finn’s jeans and boxers off his hips and down to his knees, then moves his hands to pull each leg free. He tosses the clothes into the floor and then lies back down, slowly running his fingertips up Finn’s cock.
“Oh my god, Kurt,” Finn says. He tugs at the waist of Kurt’s briefs, trying to pull them down, too. Kurt lifts his hips again, feeling overwhelmed in what he thinks is possibly the best way to feel overwhelmed. He nods a little, leaning into Finn's touch and kissing him. Finn pulls Kurt’s briefs down to where his pants are, then moves his mouth away from Kurt’s to yank briefs and pants down to Kurt’s ankles.
Kurt kicks one leg free, then the other. "Yeah, this was a great plan," he says, putting his hand on Finn's cock again. He strokes it slowly, his eyes watching Finn's expression.
“Yeah. This is so great,” Finn says. He slides his hand up Kurt’s leg to his cock, grasping it loosely. “Still not that much like jerking myself off.”
"No," Kurt agrees. He moves his hand just a little bit faster, his eyes locked with Finn's. "It's a lot better, I think.”
“Definitely,” Finn says. His hand tightens slightly on Kurt’s cock. Kurt whimpers, a sound he’s slowly getting used to hearing himself make, and he pushes into Finn’s hand, his own hand tightening on Finn’s cock in response.
“Oh my god,” Kurt says quietly, putting his free hand on Finn’s shoulder and letting his fingers flex. He keeps stroking Finn with increasing pressure and speed, and then kisses Finn hard. Finn starts making high-pitched noises deep in his throat, the hand not sliding up and down Kurt’s cock moving to the back of Kurt’s head to hold him as they kiss.
Kurt pushes his tongue into Finn’s mouth, continuing to kiss Finn, and he moves his free hand up to the side of Finn’s neck, barely making contact with Finn’s skin. Kurt almost squeezes his fingers around Finn’s cock, his hand still moving rapidly. His hips twitch in response to the movements of Finn’s hand, and he whimpers a little, moving his head in a very slight nod, trying to encourage Finn to let go completely.
Finn’s body trembles, his hips jerking forward as he starts to come, spurting all over Kurt’s hand. Kurt continues kissing Finn, still pushing his cock into Finn’s hand while his own hand stops moving, and after a few moments, Kurt comes in Finn’s hand, letting out another whimper as he shakes a little.
Kurt lies besides Finn, his body still, for a few moments before he pulls back a little bit. “You’re right,” he mumbles.
“Yeah?” Finn says, sounding positively blissful, happy and relaxed and high.
“Definitely awesome,” Kurt says, laughing a little at the end of the sentence. “Also hot, like you said.” He opens his eyes and smiles at Finn. “Do you want to stay in here?” he asks, slightly uncertain about what the protocol should be, especially since they live in the same house to begin with. Kurt means overnight, but in case that’s not the right thing to say, he leaves it ambiguous, for Finn to interpret.
“Do you want me to?” Finn asks.
“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise,” Kurt says, chewing on his bottom lip.
“So… if I stay in here, do you think we could do this again?” Finn asks. “Maybe a couple more times?”
Kurt smiles at that and nods. “I think we could definitely manage that,” he says. He isn’t really sure what will happen when they wake up in the morning, and he definitely isn’t sure what happens when they leave Kurt’s bedroom and then their house, but he feels significantly better than he did when he went to bed the previous night or when he woke up that morning, so he nods again and moves a little closer to Finn, his eyes half-closing as he lets himself relax. Whatever the next day brings, Kurt knows it will happen whether he worries over it or not, so for once, he’s not going to worry and instead enjoy the moment.