Fic: Plan B (Numb3rs, Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger, Don Eppes / ?)
Title: Plan B
Fandom: Numb3rs
Pairing: Charlie Eppes / Colby Granger,
Don Eppes / ?
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.
Feedback: Always Welcome
Numb3rs Main List
“So, there’s nothing we can do until tomorrow.”
“Yep.” Don grabbed some gumballs from the bowl on Charlie’s desk and
shoved them all to his mouth.
“No that we’re alone, is there something you would like to talk about?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve been… on the edge lately.”
“No I haven’t.”
“Really? You started the morning by yelling at David because he was two
minutes late, you yelled at Megan because she had taken the last paper
cup, you yelled at Colby because he "unnecessarily bent over the table to
reach papers" when I was at the office.”
“I’ve just had some stress lately.”
“Don, you made that sweet old little lady who works at the reception cry.”
“Fine, I’m cranky! Happy now?”
“Not yet, but we’re getting there.” Charlie closed the door and locked it.
“We’re alone. Tell me what this is all about.”
Don though about it for a minute, and finally slouched down to Charlie’s
desk. “You remember some time ago when Cooper was here?”
“You mean when you two-”
“No, I mean when we played Monopoli. Of course I mean that!”
“Don’t tell me you’re still panicking about that.”
“I’m not! I’m fine with the whole thing.”
“So what’s the point?”
“After that, that… thing started circling in my head. I mean I get these
weird… urges.”
“About Cooper or man-on-man stuff in general?”
“I don’t know! In my head those two are one and the same!”
“So… You would like to do it again.”
“Maybe.”
“Just maybe?”
“You remember last week when I went out with that blond, whatever
her name was…”
“Karen.” Charlie offered.
“Yeah, Karen. The sex was good, really good. But somehow it didn’t
take the urge away.”
“How could I dumb this down enough for you…” Charlie thought about
it for a moment. “What kind of ice cream would you buy from a cart?”
“Chocolate. Or strawberry. Or that minty chocolate.”
“This is exactly the same thing.”
“It is?”
“Sometimes you feel like eating chocolate ice cream, sometimes you
want strawberry. Sometimes you want to get naked with a willing woman,
sometimes you want a guy. Simple as that. You just need to select the
right weapon for a specific urge.”
“So, I should call Cooper and ask if he has time to come here for a roll
in the hay?”
“Or you could find some company here in L.A. That would probably be
less challenging logistically.”
“Where the hell do I find a test guy?”
“I know some places. Colby’s getting together with some old army buddies,
so I`m free to go with you.”
“This is so surreal… My geeky little brother is gonna guide me to the L.A.
nightlife, trying to-”
“-get you laid. I would say that your sex life is like your hair. Both of them
need some butching up.”
--------------------------------------------------
Two hours later Charlie ran out of a certain night club, trying to locate Don.
He finally found him at the parking lot.
“Would you like to explain that? We’ve been in less than twenty minutes
and you ran out!”
“I panicked! I’m chatting up that guy and somebody grabs my ass!”
“Yeah, you were talking to him. After I introduced him to you. If I hadn’t
done that you would have sat in the corner table drinking. It cant be that
hard!”
“It is! When I’m hitting on a woman, I know what I’m doing. It’s so clear.
I want sex and the girl wants a relationship. With a guy… There’s two
guys! Both of them want the same thing!”
“Exactly, so what’s the problem?”
Realization hit Don like a ton of bricks. “Oh yeah…”
“Yep, and I can’t believe it took you that long to get it. Come on let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll need some more practice before I’ll let you try picking up a guy
from a club. We’ll have to settle for a temporary solution.”
“What kind of solution?”
“I’ll tell you when we get to my house.”
--------------------------------------------------
Don clonked his empty beer can to the coffee table and waited. Charlie
had gone upstairs ten minutes ago. He was getting restless.
“Sorry it took a while.” Charlie bounced down the stairs carrying a
cardboard box. “Colby was going to bed, I told him I would join him
pretty soon.”
“What’s that box?”
“The emergency solution.” Charlie grinned and handed the box over
to Don.
Don took it. He looked at it’s content. He tried to get some words out
of his mouth, but his mind wasn’t co-operating.
“You can keep them as long as you need to.”
“Chuck…” Don felt like he was about to choke. “….sex toys?”
“Yeah. The next best thing if you cant get the real thing.”
“You mean I should….”
“You should get comfortable, relax and think nice thoughts. And do
what feels good.”
“I cant believe you have a box full of…”
“As I said, you can keep them as long as you need to. I got more of
them upstairs.”
“More of them…” Don stared at Charlie with his mouth open.
“Hey, you have your baseball card collection. Anyway, Colby’s
waiting. Have fun!”
Charlie was leaping upstairs again, before Don even had time to wake
up from his stupor. He picked up one of the toys from the box and
twirled it in his hand.
“I can`t pick up a one night stand, and my little brother is giving me
sex education and raunchy toys.” He sighed deeply. “This has to
be the lowest point of my life.”