Goodbye & Good Luck
Not sure when I'll get the next chance to say all this, so I figured I'd get it out there while I still can. Phone got cut off, and don't have a computer of my own anymore, so don't often get the opportunity to do this anymore.
Looks like I'm about to drop off the radar, so to speak. There's definitely a story there, but to cut it short for those of you that don't know:
My dad (then dog) died awhile back, and following all the fun and spring cleaning that comes with death, my mum kinda went crazy, kicked me out, and, well.. suffice to say, I don't really have a family or practically anything from that life anymore besides some memories I can't forget. Not having much more than the clothes on my back as far as possessions, and basically up shit rapids before the falls, looks like I'll be taking off crosscountry hitchhiking. It's probably a horrible idea in so many regards, but I don't really think I can stay around here anymore. Kinda locked in a viscious cycle as is.
Being broke makes it hard to find somewhere to go.
Not having anywhere to go makes it hard to not be broke.
It's kinda a catch-22. Story of my life right now, though, I suppose. I could go into all sorts of details; could talk about 98% of my belongings are in storage, how my mom won't let me grab them, how social security doesn't work when you don't have any proof of jack-all, how the person I most want to talk to about all this is dead, but really, would it matter? Maybe. After all, one of the big reasons I'm looking to up and leave is because I don't want to freeze to death this winter (or autumnl, knowing my health) stuck somewhere. But that's a whole other kettle of fish.
Basically, my life is one big giant clusterfuck mess. I'm leaving for god-knows-where to mourn, flee cold, and finish killing the person I used to be. I just hope it doesn't kill me physically. I also wish I wasn't dead serious with that line of thought. Because honestly, at this point, I can't really tell if my lovely ol' body'll survive this winter. Can't really stand still though, or else I'm risking killing my heart and mind, to say nothing of the strain that puts on my soul. Bit of a bind, you see. Wishful thinking that this here wasn't just the tip of an iceberg, but hey, what can you do?
Was kinda hoping I might get a chance to see some of you that I haven't seen in fuckever before I leave, but the way things have been going, I can't really say what will happen at all anymore. Am I going to see a computer again after posting this? Probably. When I move on from staying with a friend? Fuck knows. When'll that be? Fuck knows.
Is it all bad, though? Nah, not even close. Just riding a whirlwind of joy and sorrow as far as it'll take me. Funny thing, it's just about as equally beautiful, lovely, and wonderful as it is shitty. But that's on another level entirely. Go figure the mystic inside, the love towards divinity, is enough to make a life seemingly berift of warmth and stability somehow more fulfilling than anything before it. Well, almost anything. Love = Love, after all. Pretty hard to stack one form of it against another, you know?
Don't really have much more than that to say, not that I can think of, anyway. I guess, I love you all. Take care everyone, and I wish you the best. Here's to hoping we see each other again, in some lifetime or another.
Oh holy god forgive us so
Forgive us that we did not know,
Forgive us that for which we've sucked
I'm pretty sure that now we're fucked.
Looks like I'm about to drop off the radar, so to speak. There's definitely a story there, but to cut it short for those of you that don't know:
My dad (then dog) died awhile back, and following all the fun and spring cleaning that comes with death, my mum kinda went crazy, kicked me out, and, well.. suffice to say, I don't really have a family or practically anything from that life anymore besides some memories I can't forget. Not having much more than the clothes on my back as far as possessions, and basically up shit rapids before the falls, looks like I'll be taking off crosscountry hitchhiking. It's probably a horrible idea in so many regards, but I don't really think I can stay around here anymore. Kinda locked in a viscious cycle as is.
Being broke makes it hard to find somewhere to go.
Not having anywhere to go makes it hard to not be broke.
It's kinda a catch-22. Story of my life right now, though, I suppose. I could go into all sorts of details; could talk about 98% of my belongings are in storage, how my mom won't let me grab them, how social security doesn't work when you don't have any proof of jack-all, how the person I most want to talk to about all this is dead, but really, would it matter? Maybe. After all, one of the big reasons I'm looking to up and leave is because I don't want to freeze to death this winter (or autumnl, knowing my health) stuck somewhere. But that's a whole other kettle of fish.
Basically, my life is one big giant clusterfuck mess. I'm leaving for god-knows-where to mourn, flee cold, and finish killing the person I used to be. I just hope it doesn't kill me physically. I also wish I wasn't dead serious with that line of thought. Because honestly, at this point, I can't really tell if my lovely ol' body'll survive this winter. Can't really stand still though, or else I'm risking killing my heart and mind, to say nothing of the strain that puts on my soul. Bit of a bind, you see. Wishful thinking that this here wasn't just the tip of an iceberg, but hey, what can you do?
Was kinda hoping I might get a chance to see some of you that I haven't seen in fuckever before I leave, but the way things have been going, I can't really say what will happen at all anymore. Am I going to see a computer again after posting this? Probably. When I move on from staying with a friend? Fuck knows. When'll that be? Fuck knows.
Is it all bad, though? Nah, not even close. Just riding a whirlwind of joy and sorrow as far as it'll take me. Funny thing, it's just about as equally beautiful, lovely, and wonderful as it is shitty. But that's on another level entirely. Go figure the mystic inside, the love towards divinity, is enough to make a life seemingly berift of warmth and stability somehow more fulfilling than anything before it. Well, almost anything. Love = Love, after all. Pretty hard to stack one form of it against another, you know?
Don't really have much more than that to say, not that I can think of, anyway. I guess, I love you all. Take care everyone, and I wish you the best. Here's to hoping we see each other again, in some lifetime or another.
Oh holy god forgive us so
Forgive us that we did not know,
Forgive us that for which we've sucked
I'm pretty sure that now we're fucked.