Hello old friend.
Broke-- check.
Jobless-- check.
Homeless-- check.
Dying-- check.
Body failing-- check.
Losing my mind-- check.
Being a witch-- check.
Broken toe-- well, fuck. Check.
"The things money can't buy,"-- check.
Inner calling of purpose-- check.
The earth is my home-- check.
Being reborn-- check.
Awakening a road less travelled-- check.
Transcending the mind-- check.
Manifesting reality, magically-- check.
Broken toe-- well, fuck. Check.
I'm kind of fucked, I think. Time will tell if this is a good or bad thing, but I don't think there's too much doubt left about the whole fucked bit. I guess one way or another, I'm probably going to get my chance to leap empty-handed into the void. Lucky me, right?
But then again, aren't I exactly where I wanted to end up? Maybe, it's hard to say. That might have something to do with everyone else inside me. That wasn't part of what I imagined. Maybe that was part of what got me here, having expectations about the whole thing. "Yeah, it'll be cool when I become aware and enlightened. Life won't suck anymore."
...
Yeah, in a sense I guess that's true. It doesn't suck, but that's more like a perception shift. It's not like the sun shines any brighter or you're any happier. Not from what I can tell. Yeah, a lot does change, but by and large it's much more a continuation of what already was. A newfound realization of it, I suppose. Does that mean I am finally "there?" That I made it where I was going? Haha, you could say that, but I wouldn't say it's the whole truth. I'm here now. In those three words lies so much of what I've come to understand.
There is no there. You are always here.
There is in then. It is always now.
The eternal now. The infinite here. It's a funny thing to stumble across such things. To experience from such a finite perception the eternity of the moment.. bloody hell, would that I could share such things. I'm getting there. If I don't hurt myself or someone else with the psychic bit, might have a chance to mindmeld yet. Might be able to share the feelings if I don't fuck up with energy manipulation without understanding it. Again. If I don't asplode, burn myself out, go entirely insane or lose myself before I get a handle on this empathy thing.
That last one is going to hurt. But then, what's new? Seem to be a bit of a magnet for attracting pain to myself. It's fucking lovely except for that whole part where I tend to feel it. That kinda sucks.
Life's funny, you know? It wasn't that long ago that I didn't believe in anything more than a strictly rational and material approach to existence. Life happens, you change course, and before you know it you're hearing people's thoughts. That'll make you pause. Probably. Unless you've been communicating with what can only be described, as telepathy, with the spirits of nature and the Earth herself, plus a few things that put religion in a whole new perspective.
Alright then, lost you yet? Great. Yeah, go figure that in suburban 21st century America, someone ended up on the shaman's path. Well, the soul walks all fucking paths, don't it? On the one hand, it fucking fits like a glove. On the other, it's kind of lonely. Like, really lonley. At least when it comes to the world of men. Fuck, step out into the green and the trees and suddenly at home again, back to being a wild creature of the Earth, albeit rendered instinctually retarded by generations of domestication. Nature likes me. Animals like me. Plants like me. I attract nature in a staticy sort of way. In that, I go outside, and suddenly I am wearing nature on my clothes if I come within a foot of it. It's cool though, I don't mind.
Did I mention I'm high? Yeah, this'll probably ramble like a mother, but fuck it. I hold enough in to pass up on the opportunity. ..And I lost the groove I was in. Lovely.
RAWR!
There's so much more, this is really just like the tip of an iceberg. My life's all a clusterfuck on the physical level. And that's just the beginning. That's just the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Way to collide into something so massive you've rendered yourself.. special, self. Fucking special. But then, you just collided into yourself, didn't ya? Heh. Funny how that works.
I have to say though, dancing with yourself is one of the most exhilarating things there is. Right next to dancing with life, the universe, god, love, or whatever name strikes you. Even better when you do both at the same time. Long as you aren't too attached to who you think you are. ::grin::
Sometimes, when I look at reality, I see the dream. When I see the dream, it is real. But when I feel the dream, I know it is real.
You feel me, or is this just what a mind overtaxed looks like? Don't forget, it's rarely really either/or. A little of A, a little of B, and a touch of Ω.
I swear, if I couldn't laugh about all this I'd probably be crazy.
Oh wait.
Ha. ha. ha.
Guess I can laugh about that too. Thank god.
Heh. God. Heh.
Yeah, this is going to get a whole lot funnier before it's done. Wouldn't want it any other way.
Jobless-- check.
Homeless-- check.
Dying-- check.
Body failing-- check.
Losing my mind-- check.
Being a witch-- check.
Broken toe-- well, fuck. Check.
"The things money can't buy,"-- check.
Inner calling of purpose-- check.
The earth is my home-- check.
Being reborn-- check.
Awakening a road less travelled-- check.
Transcending the mind-- check.
Manifesting reality, magically-- check.
Broken toe-- well, fuck. Check.
I'm kind of fucked, I think. Time will tell if this is a good or bad thing, but I don't think there's too much doubt left about the whole fucked bit. I guess one way or another, I'm probably going to get my chance to leap empty-handed into the void. Lucky me, right?
But then again, aren't I exactly where I wanted to end up? Maybe, it's hard to say. That might have something to do with everyone else inside me. That wasn't part of what I imagined. Maybe that was part of what got me here, having expectations about the whole thing. "Yeah, it'll be cool when I become aware and enlightened. Life won't suck anymore."
...
Yeah, in a sense I guess that's true. It doesn't suck, but that's more like a perception shift. It's not like the sun shines any brighter or you're any happier. Not from what I can tell. Yeah, a lot does change, but by and large it's much more a continuation of what already was. A newfound realization of it, I suppose. Does that mean I am finally "there?" That I made it where I was going? Haha, you could say that, but I wouldn't say it's the whole truth. I'm here now. In those three words lies so much of what I've come to understand.
There is no there. You are always here.
There is in then. It is always now.
The eternal now. The infinite here. It's a funny thing to stumble across such things. To experience from such a finite perception the eternity of the moment.. bloody hell, would that I could share such things. I'm getting there. If I don't hurt myself or someone else with the psychic bit, might have a chance to mindmeld yet. Might be able to share the feelings if I don't fuck up with energy manipulation without understanding it. Again. If I don't asplode, burn myself out, go entirely insane or lose myself before I get a handle on this empathy thing.
That last one is going to hurt. But then, what's new? Seem to be a bit of a magnet for attracting pain to myself. It's fucking lovely except for that whole part where I tend to feel it. That kinda sucks.
Life's funny, you know? It wasn't that long ago that I didn't believe in anything more than a strictly rational and material approach to existence. Life happens, you change course, and before you know it you're hearing people's thoughts. That'll make you pause. Probably. Unless you've been communicating with what can only be described, as telepathy, with the spirits of nature and the Earth herself, plus a few things that put religion in a whole new perspective.
Alright then, lost you yet? Great. Yeah, go figure that in suburban 21st century America, someone ended up on the shaman's path. Well, the soul walks all fucking paths, don't it? On the one hand, it fucking fits like a glove. On the other, it's kind of lonely. Like, really lonley. At least when it comes to the world of men. Fuck, step out into the green and the trees and suddenly at home again, back to being a wild creature of the Earth, albeit rendered instinctually retarded by generations of domestication. Nature likes me. Animals like me. Plants like me. I attract nature in a staticy sort of way. In that, I go outside, and suddenly I am wearing nature on my clothes if I come within a foot of it. It's cool though, I don't mind.
Did I mention I'm high? Yeah, this'll probably ramble like a mother, but fuck it. I hold enough in to pass up on the opportunity. ..And I lost the groove I was in. Lovely.
RAWR!
There's so much more, this is really just like the tip of an iceberg. My life's all a clusterfuck on the physical level. And that's just the beginning. That's just the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Way to collide into something so massive you've rendered yourself.. special, self. Fucking special. But then, you just collided into yourself, didn't ya? Heh. Funny how that works.
I have to say though, dancing with yourself is one of the most exhilarating things there is. Right next to dancing with life, the universe, god, love, or whatever name strikes you. Even better when you do both at the same time. Long as you aren't too attached to who you think you are. ::grin::
Sometimes, when I look at reality, I see the dream. When I see the dream, it is real. But when I feel the dream, I know it is real.
You feel me, or is this just what a mind overtaxed looks like? Don't forget, it's rarely really either/or. A little of A, a little of B, and a touch of Ω.
I swear, if I couldn't laugh about all this I'd probably be crazy.
Oh wait.
Ha. ha. ha.
Guess I can laugh about that too. Thank god.
Heh. God. Heh.
Yeah, this is going to get a whole lot funnier before it's done. Wouldn't want it any other way.