Ryan Seacrest in American Idol Season 10: A Pictorial History, Part Four
Previously, Ryan Seacrest went to some auditions, made it through Hollywood Week with Extra! Bonus! Vegas Day, and got us through the semifinals and the first round with the finalists. Now let's look at the next four episodes in which Ryan takes us from 12 hopefuls all the way down to, um, 11 hopefuls.
Ryan Seacrest and the Top 12
Theme: Songs from the Year the Idol was Born (Thereby Making All Viewers Over 20 Feel Ancient)
Ryan welcomes us to a new episode.
And explains that tonight's theme means we will be seeing lots of baby photos and the way he gleefully says "babies!" sounds less like someone with baby fever and more like someone who wishes that he could eat babies more often without the calories going to his thighs. It was delightfully weird.
But more importantly: WILL WE BE GETTING NEW BABY PHOTOS OF RYRY THIS EPISODE?!?!?!? I want someone to tell me now so I'm not spending the whole episode distracted by this question.
First up: Naima, born 1984. Singing "What's Love Got to Do With It". Holy crap. I'm prepared to be all "omg that was 15 years ago?!" about the songs that the youngest Idols pick, but Naima's one of the oldest ones this season. *sigh* Anyway, she is boring with Ryan.
Paul, born 1984. "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues". *sigh*
I dunno. Maybe two people is not far enough into the episode to decide, but Ryan seems kinda checked out today. Well, actually, he's okay joking with Randy, but the Idols he's running through pretty quickly without any playfulness. Which is gonna make this recap consist of nothing but me going "holy crap" over Idol birth years. Like, for eg, Thia.
Thia, born 1995. Holy crap. "Colours of the Wind". Holy crap.
Okay, yay. Ryan is adorable with (a vocal coach who helped/tormented Thia in back Hollywood Week, while standing beside) Thia.
I'm not sure what's happening with the lighting here, but I do know that it's NOT ACCEPTABLE.
James, born 1989. "I'll Be There For You". Sings, whatever, gets a question from the judges about what he's wearing, uses Ryan while showing off his boots.
Then RyRy is cute, but again, it's not with the Idol. He's joking with Steven here.
Haley, 1990. "I'm Your Baby Tonight". Has a makeup emergency so dire that Ryan interrupts the judging to start dabbing at her face.
He licks his fingers so that his spit can help.
Is so overcome with the tragedy that is happening on Haley's chin that he makes a giving-the-camera-the-finger blunder the likes of which we haven't seen since season one when Ryan had to stop the entire show to be all "SIMON YOU ARE GIVING AMERICA THE FINGER!!! but I know these things are different on your side of the pond and you won't understand if I give you a discreet signal so instead I'll leave the stage and walk over to you to physically shield your finger from the camera and then get all grabby with your hand and wrist until you stop".
He eventually passes the kleenex over to Haley and she starts to turn back to the judges but Ryan is busy directing her exactly where to rub/blot.
Haley is kind of adorable throughout this whole thing and takes the whole "stopping live national television to deal with the disaster that is your face" thing so gracefully and with humour that she just jumped several spots in my estimation. Maybe I'm being swayed by the shear volume of Ryan's bodily fluids that are on her person right now though.
Actually, no. While Haley's able to quip about "kissing the microphone" and a "red lipstick massacre" and going with the flow, Randy is nothing but completely and utterly boring and predictable and lowest common denominator. Essentially "Ryan is gay and also a homosexual and in addition kind of gay." Randy? We know. But for reasons that have nothing to do with this. Shut up, Randy.
Stefano, born 1989. "If You Don't Know Me By Now".
Ryan practically pushes him off stage after singing, ordering Stefano to go hug his mom in the audience. Who knows. Ryan loves moms.
Then Stefano and Ryan get all handsy with each other.
Pia, born 1988. "Where Do Broken Hearts Go".
Randy, in judging, goes overboard with his finger pointing/raising/waving thing he does when he gets animated, so then Ryan jumps in with his Randy imitation which is basically waggling his finger around while his voice gets higher and higher in excitement while saying nothing of actual consequence. Needless to say, it is spot on.
And then Randy joins in and then there's several seconds of them just finger pointing and high-voiced rambling.
And then Ryan stops and turns to Pia and is adorably all "..........hi."
Scotty, 1993. "Can I Trust You With My Heart".
Scotty... happens.
Karen, 1989. "Love Will Lead You Back".
Ryan and Karen do a pre-song interview in which Ryan asks Karen what prompted her to try out. Basically? Because her sister pointed out that if she got through, Karen and her sister would get to meet Ryan who knows Nick Jonas.
Ryan turns to the camera to address Karen's sister directly. "I'm tighter with Joe. Is that a compromise?"
Casey, 1991. "Teen Spirit". Yeah.
Ryan talks to Casey about how intense he was during the performance.
Then, because Casey is his fave, asks for intense lighting while he gives out the numbers to dial for Casey.
And then they say bye intensely, except that turns into growling at each other and then they pretend they are pitbulls or something, shaking their heads at the other with slack cheeks and more growling.
Mating ritual?
Lauren, 1994. "I'm the Only One".
Lauren has the flu. She brought face masks for her interview with Ryan. Hers has a pair of red lips drawn on them. Ryan's has a pornstache.
Jacob, 1987. "Alone".
Jacob Lusk, in his pre-singing clips, promises to once again infuse his singing with his "Lusky Stank". Post-singing, Ryan's all "Lusky. Stank. ?!?!?" Jacob's like, yes, exactly.
And then we're done for the night.
Episode 19 - Ryan Seacrest Sends One of 12 Home
Hi Ryan!
Ryan shows us a baby picture of some dude who won Idol eighty years ago, as if we care or ever cared about Lee DeWyze and are not watching this episode for the sole purpose of seeing if TPTB might grace us with a babyRyan picture since the previous ep was a total failure on that count.
It's results night which means filler which means group numbers and there really isn't enough LOL in the world for even the idea of Scotty and Jacob singing Born to be Wild. This is really bad. Except Jacob's mic goes screwy for a bit so it looks like they just might be letting the Idols actually sing these things live. So many mic problems. Maybe lipsynching was actually better?
And then music video filler. And then interview montage filler. Apparently some idols speak languages whilst others do not.
Okay, finally getting to a few results. Ryan does his "dim the lights" signal and suddenly the whole stage is green and shamrocks are dancing around Ryan's head and I think maybe the lighting guys decided it was time to out Ryan as a leprechaun. Also it's St. Patrick's Day, but mostly Ryan is a leprechaun.
First three on stage: Casey, Jacob, Lauren.
All safe.
Okay, next is Haley and Paul.
And... Haley's in the bottom three.
Musical interlude courtesy of Lee DeWyze who looks about as comfortable on stage as he did throughout his season, which is to say like he's about to start bawling and/or wet his pants.
Next up: James, Scotty, Pia. Forming a perfect height slope with Ryan, heh.
All safe.
Next: Naima and Stefano... who are never actually framed in a shot with Ryan, so don't get to be pictured here. Naima's in the bottom 3.
Almost done. Karen and Thia.
Karen joins Haley and Naima in the bottom 3.
The Black Eyed Peas... occur.
Okay, we've got our bottom 3.
Tonight's loser is? Karen.
She sings her song, then begs for the judges to use their save, during which she starts to cry so we get a closeup of Ryan's thumb brushing her tear away.
Awwwwwwwwwww. But no save. Bye Karen.
Episode 20 - Ryan Seacrest and the Top 11
We open with a black and white Ryan intro because somehow black and white television equals Motown music even though colour tv was being developed decades before being broadcast in the US several years before Motown records was founded, and colour tv and Motown had their rise to fame at pretty much the same time and when Ryan gives a History of Motown montage in a few minutes, about half the clips are in colour because these things were kind of happening at the same time and doing a black and white intro for a theme is kind of ridiculous for anything other than a Music From Charlie Chaplin Movies week on Idol.
*sigh*
Whatever, here's Ryan in black and white.
Casey's first up. He goes down into the audience for a bit in his song and has fun with girl there. Ryan and Casey get all nudge-y and faux whispery about who the girl is (turns out she's a friend of Casey's from home) and they are kind of adorable with the "omg you didn't tell me that you like girls!" "she's just a friend!" of it all.
Thia is a bit adorable and Ryan is a lot adorable being amused with her.
And then when Ryan's done talking to her and starts discussing what's up next, Thia gets all confused and turns around. Not to walk off stage or anything, but just to stand there with her back to the camera. Maybe she thought a clip was going to play on the screen behind her and she turned to see? Anyway, I don't think Ryan actually notices her turn.
After a few seconds with her back to the camera, Thia realizes something's not right and turns back around. She has this hilarious and adorable "oops! I don't know what I'm doing!" look on her face. Hee!
So Jacob does his thing and after singing but before judging, Steven Tyler decides he needs to go up on stage and give Jacob a hug. Uh, okay, fine. Judging happens and then when Ryan joins Jacob, he says that Jacob's grandmother wants a hug too. So Jacob goes out into the audience to hug her then returns to the stage. And then for reasons I can't discern, we don't move on from the hugging thing. Instead, Ryan invites the first row to all come up on stage and give Jacob a hug. And they do. A whole bunch of girls hug Jacob (with Ryan being all "sorry! we're all out of time! return to your seat!" when a guy from the audience is next in line, but then letting girls after him through).
When people discuss Idol's declining ratings, I think this should be looked at. Over 60 seconds of screentime were just dedicated to showing a guy that few people care about hugging people that nobody (including the guy doing the hugging) knows. Ryan, dude, I love you, but you usually a lot better at keeping things moving than this.
(Also, when Jacob signals "3" for his voting number, he makes the "okay" sign: middle, ring and pinky fingers up. That's weird, right? I know that index/middle/ring vs thumb/index/middle is a regional thing around the world, but I don't think I've ever seen someone do the okay sign as their default way of saying 3. Huh.)
Ryan and Lauren don't do much of interest, but they look cute at least.
Ryan and Stefano sit down for a pre-singing interview and Stefano talks about how the idols are all spoiled now food-wise because his mom came and cooked for them. His mom, nearby in the audience, hands Ryan some leftovers for him to try. As if Ryan would ever willingly eat pasta.
Stefano sings. Judges judge. Ryan joins Stefano and asks Randy to elaborate on the subject of thinking. The whole idea that Randy is capable of forming thoughts about forming thoughts is kind of a wash, but Ryan helpfully reminds Randy where in the body "thoughts" take place.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on Randy. Right now, I am not wondering if I was too hard on Randy.
Randy talks about how he knows Stefano has a lengthy resume of sexual experience with the ladies -- and we cut away brilliantly here to Stefano's mom burying her face in her hands -- as well as with Ryan.
Wait, huh?
What's great is that nobody goes to a gay joke/gay panic place, there's just disbelief and a group decision to acknowledge that Randy doesn't have a firm grasp on stringing words together and the way context works and move on. Move on Ryan does and he tries to give out Stefano's numbers for voting and then Randy figures out what's going on and talks over Ryan with a "what I meant was that Ryan has a legit girlfriend and is straight." Ryan jokes about cutting Randy's mic.
An alternate recap, courtesy of TWoP!Joe R:
He keeps talking, too; just babbling on and on about nothing, until he ends up asking Stefano, "You and Ryan are in a serious, committed, deeply sexual relationship, right?" Because if you put a thousand chimps in a room with a thousand typewriters, eventually one of them will end up writing Ryan Seacrest slash-fic.
...which is tragically misguided because there would be a whole lot more Ryan fic out there if it was that easy to get people aboard the Ryan train.
Ryan fails to smear his spit all over Haley's face this week.
Scotty.
Ryan and J.Lo get all fashion critique-y about Pia's dress (they approve) and Randy laughs at them. Ryan tries to explain "couture" to Randy.
We return from a commercial break with Ryan hanging out with a young girl. Aw.
Paul has a jaguar pin on his jacket that Ryan asks about. Maybe it's a cougar? Because Paul is trying to get the cougar vote? Paul thinks this joke is hi-larious.
To show his appreciation, he tries to mount Ryan or something.
For some reason, Ryan decides that we need to talk to Nigel Lythgoe after Naima sings. We really don't though. Let's pretend there was no Nigel here.
James. The height difference here never fails to crack me up.
And that's Motown.
Episode 21 - Ryan Seacrest Fails to Send Anyone Home
Okay, we're 21 eps in and it just occurred to me to watch the credits. Is this the first season they've included non-winners? I see, in order: Kelly Clarkson, Adam Lambert, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia, and Jordin Sparks. Then Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson. Then David Cook, Lee Dewyze, and Kris Allen. Weird mix -- non chronological and, while I'm no Clay fan, it seems that if you're going to include a handful of successful non-winners, he should be there too. And LOL at grouping the last three guys together. No matter how interchangeable or not you think they are, surely TPTB have heard the complaints that only a specific type can win the show now, so grouping them together (for reasons that cannot be chronological) is a weird choice.
Aaaaaanyway, here's Ryan cheering about the number of votes the last show got.
There's a group number and Stevie Wonder magically appears partway through to join in. Then apparently it's Steven Tyler's birthday and Stevie and the idols surprise!serenade him. And we see Ryan down at the judges having fun for I think the first time this season. (He's been there before, but there's been no playing.)
Ryan and the judges hold hands and Ryan leads them on stage.
Aw!
Music video, blah blah blah.
Results! First up: Scotty, Pia, Lauren. All safe.
Musical interlude from Sugarland.
Okay, this needs the setup. We see Clips From the Mansion about how James is a huge geek for wrestling and has brought a few other idols into the fold and now he, Paul, Stefano, and Pia have wrestling matches in the mansion. When we return to the stage, Ryan promises us that the results will be "a smackdown".
Ryan calls Paul and James up for results. He tells them that they are both "not safe". Cue lots of booing from the audience.
"I mean you're really not safe tonight," Ryan says. Cue Eye of the Tiger background music. And Hulk Hogan. And James pretty much pissing himself in glee.
Hulk Hogan gathers them round a bit and tells James and Paul that the good news is that they're safe and will be on the tour.
"The bad news," Hulk Hogan says stalking over to Ryan.
"You're not safe." And then Hulk Hogan proceeds to beat the crap out of Ryan or perform a skit with Ryan, depending on your views of wrestling.
Ryan is sent flying off stage. I really hope there's something there to cushion his landing.
Like, for instance, the conveniently-placed laps of some beefy dudes.
And while Ryan's (literally) in his happy place, Hulk Hogan sends us to commercial.
Back to results, next up are Stefano, Thia, and Jacob. Jacob is safe, Thia and Stefano are in the bottom 3.
Next are Casey, Haley, and Naima.
Naima and Haley are safe which means OMG CASEY IS IN THE BOTTOM 3?!? IS THIS WHAT SHOCK FEELS LIKE? I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS WHAT SHOCK FEELS LIKE RYAN HAS SAID I WILL BE SHOCKED ABOUT 50 TIMES THIS EPISODE!!!!
Ignoring the fact that I'm watching this ep 5 weeks after the fact and know how it turns out, how is this shocking? If there had been zero mention in the hours leading up to this ep by TPTB of how shocking the results would be, and zero "shocking!"s by Ryan during this ep, and everyone headed into the results expecting another girl to be picked off and then Casey ended up in the bottom 3 (and then the bottom), that would be surprising. That would be unexpected. But at this stage in the game, whose elimination would be surprising? Casey or Lauren. Maybe Pia or James or Scotty. Except then 4 of the 5 'shocking' elims were ruled out with the first 5 results. If you say something will be shocking and then arrange things so that exactly one shocking option remains, when that one shocking option comes to pass it is not shocking.
American Idol has not and will never be an amazing show. I do not expect amazing things from it. But I do think it has the ability to do so many things a little bit better making the show overall a fair bit better, except the show never does those things. I have such low expectations and Idol insists on undershooting them.
Also, anyone who's interested in finding out who's going home but not sitting through an hour of show to do so is going to tune in for the last five minutes. They're not going to sit through an hour of "stay to the end! it will be exciting, I swear!" and then change the channel before the results are announced. So quit it, Ryan and Nigel, with all the "omgggg you guyssss! this ep! you will be shocked!!!"
Also, Casey would not be in the bottom this week if Simon was a judge, I am just saying.
Musical interlude with Jennifer Hudson. Ryan totally flubs his intro for her, calling her an Idol winner, and gets all pause-y in his words when he realizes what he did, but doesn't correct himself. Ryan chats with her a bit after her songs over and we find out that one of her backup singers is George Huff. HI GEORGE HUFF! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR HETERO MANCRUSH ON RYAN!
Back to some results. Ryan reveals that the first person safe is Thia.
So we've got our bottom 2.
And then the person with the fewest votes is... CASEY! I AM SHOCKED! He gets ready to sing for a save from the judges.
And gets about 15 seconds in before the judges are like "you know how usually we have to pretend to consider saving someone who is clearly not going to be saved? well this week we're going to pretend to be so SHOCKED by this result that we can't even consider not giving you the save." Casey gets all weak-kneed and half collapses in Ryan's arms.
He collects himself a bit and thanks the judges and then buries his face in Ryan's chest. And then maybe offers a BJ?
It's entirely possible that BJs are offered because Casey's mic keeps getting cut and delayed since the save was announced due to swearing or something.
Then Ryan wraps up the ep explaining that the save being used means that two people will get cut next week, but that instead of only the top 10 going on tour, it'll be the top 11. Which I appreciate (the explanation, not the decision) because it was bugging me all ep when someone was told they were safe and guaranteed to go on tour when in fact there was zero guarantee based on the rules as stated at that time.
So there we have it. The shocking episode. I'm glad the save is off the table now. It's nice from the pov of giving a second chance to someone the judges recognize talent in but the public hasn't fallen in love with or to a favourite who was assumed safe and didn't get votes because of that, but week after week of bad singers pleading with judges for another shot doesn't make good tv. And for as much as I'm not really invested in any of these people, I'm glad Casey's not gone yet. I don't think he's the strongest singer and won't be bothered if he doesn't win the record deal, but he is good at entertaining and I think he'll bring more to the tour than most of the others.
Ryan Seacrest and the Top 12
Theme: Songs from the Year the Idol was Born (Thereby Making All Viewers Over 20 Feel Ancient)
Ryan welcomes us to a new episode.
And explains that tonight's theme means we will be seeing lots of baby photos and the way he gleefully says "babies!" sounds less like someone with baby fever and more like someone who wishes that he could eat babies more often without the calories going to his thighs. It was delightfully weird.
But more importantly: WILL WE BE GETTING NEW BABY PHOTOS OF RYRY THIS EPISODE?!?!?!? I want someone to tell me now so I'm not spending the whole episode distracted by this question.
First up: Naima, born 1984. Singing "What's Love Got to Do With It". Holy crap. I'm prepared to be all "omg that was 15 years ago?!" about the songs that the youngest Idols pick, but Naima's one of the oldest ones this season. *sigh* Anyway, she is boring with Ryan.
Paul, born 1984. "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues". *sigh*
I dunno. Maybe two people is not far enough into the episode to decide, but Ryan seems kinda checked out today. Well, actually, he's okay joking with Randy, but the Idols he's running through pretty quickly without any playfulness. Which is gonna make this recap consist of nothing but me going "holy crap" over Idol birth years. Like, for eg, Thia.
Thia, born 1995. Holy crap. "Colours of the Wind". Holy crap.
Okay, yay. Ryan is adorable with (a vocal coach who helped/tormented Thia in back Hollywood Week, while standing beside) Thia.
I'm not sure what's happening with the lighting here, but I do know that it's NOT ACCEPTABLE.
James, born 1989. "I'll Be There For You". Sings, whatever, gets a question from the judges about what he's wearing, uses Ryan while showing off his boots.
Then RyRy is cute, but again, it's not with the Idol. He's joking with Steven here.
Haley, 1990. "I'm Your Baby Tonight". Has a makeup emergency so dire that Ryan interrupts the judging to start dabbing at her face.
He licks his fingers so that his spit can help.
Is so overcome with the tragedy that is happening on Haley's chin that he makes a giving-the-camera-the-finger blunder the likes of which we haven't seen since season one when Ryan had to stop the entire show to be all "SIMON YOU ARE GIVING AMERICA THE FINGER!!! but I know these things are different on your side of the pond and you won't understand if I give you a discreet signal so instead I'll leave the stage and walk over to you to physically shield your finger from the camera and then get all grabby with your hand and wrist until you stop".
He eventually passes the kleenex over to Haley and she starts to turn back to the judges but Ryan is busy directing her exactly where to rub/blot.
Haley is kind of adorable throughout this whole thing and takes the whole "stopping live national television to deal with the disaster that is your face" thing so gracefully and with humour that she just jumped several spots in my estimation. Maybe I'm being swayed by the shear volume of Ryan's bodily fluids that are on her person right now though.
Actually, no. While Haley's able to quip about "kissing the microphone" and a "red lipstick massacre" and going with the flow, Randy is nothing but completely and utterly boring and predictable and lowest common denominator. Essentially "Ryan is gay and also a homosexual and in addition kind of gay." Randy? We know. But for reasons that have nothing to do with this. Shut up, Randy.
Stefano, born 1989. "If You Don't Know Me By Now".
Ryan practically pushes him off stage after singing, ordering Stefano to go hug his mom in the audience. Who knows. Ryan loves moms.
Then Stefano and Ryan get all handsy with each other.
Pia, born 1988. "Where Do Broken Hearts Go".
Randy, in judging, goes overboard with his finger pointing/raising/waving thing he does when he gets animated, so then Ryan jumps in with his Randy imitation which is basically waggling his finger around while his voice gets higher and higher in excitement while saying nothing of actual consequence. Needless to say, it is spot on.
And then Randy joins in and then there's several seconds of them just finger pointing and high-voiced rambling.
And then Ryan stops and turns to Pia and is adorably all "..........hi."
Scotty, 1993. "Can I Trust You With My Heart".
Scotty... happens.
Karen, 1989. "Love Will Lead You Back".
Ryan and Karen do a pre-song interview in which Ryan asks Karen what prompted her to try out. Basically? Because her sister pointed out that if she got through, Karen and her sister would get to meet Ryan who knows Nick Jonas.
Ryan turns to the camera to address Karen's sister directly. "I'm tighter with Joe. Is that a compromise?"
Casey, 1991. "Teen Spirit". Yeah.
Ryan talks to Casey about how intense he was during the performance.
Then, because Casey is his fave, asks for intense lighting while he gives out the numbers to dial for Casey.
And then they say bye intensely, except that turns into growling at each other and then they pretend they are pitbulls or something, shaking their heads at the other with slack cheeks and more growling.
Mating ritual?
Lauren, 1994. "I'm the Only One".
Lauren has the flu. She brought face masks for her interview with Ryan. Hers has a pair of red lips drawn on them. Ryan's has a pornstache.
Jacob, 1987. "Alone".
Jacob Lusk, in his pre-singing clips, promises to once again infuse his singing with his "Lusky Stank". Post-singing, Ryan's all "Lusky. Stank. ?!?!?" Jacob's like, yes, exactly.
And then we're done for the night.
Episode 19 - Ryan Seacrest Sends One of 12 Home
Hi Ryan!
Ryan shows us a baby picture of some dude who won Idol eighty years ago, as if we care or ever cared about Lee DeWyze and are not watching this episode for the sole purpose of seeing if TPTB might grace us with a babyRyan picture since the previous ep was a total failure on that count.
It's results night which means filler which means group numbers and there really isn't enough LOL in the world for even the idea of Scotty and Jacob singing Born to be Wild. This is really bad. Except Jacob's mic goes screwy for a bit so it looks like they just might be letting the Idols actually sing these things live. So many mic problems. Maybe lipsynching was actually better?
And then music video filler. And then interview montage filler. Apparently some idols speak languages whilst others do not.
Okay, finally getting to a few results. Ryan does his "dim the lights" signal and suddenly the whole stage is green and shamrocks are dancing around Ryan's head and I think maybe the lighting guys decided it was time to out Ryan as a leprechaun. Also it's St. Patrick's Day, but mostly Ryan is a leprechaun.
First three on stage: Casey, Jacob, Lauren.
All safe.
Okay, next is Haley and Paul.
And... Haley's in the bottom three.
Musical interlude courtesy of Lee DeWyze who looks about as comfortable on stage as he did throughout his season, which is to say like he's about to start bawling and/or wet his pants.
Next up: James, Scotty, Pia. Forming a perfect height slope with Ryan, heh.
All safe.
Next: Naima and Stefano... who are never actually framed in a shot with Ryan, so don't get to be pictured here. Naima's in the bottom 3.
Almost done. Karen and Thia.
Karen joins Haley and Naima in the bottom 3.
The Black Eyed Peas... occur.
Okay, we've got our bottom 3.
Tonight's loser is? Karen.
She sings her song, then begs for the judges to use their save, during which she starts to cry so we get a closeup of Ryan's thumb brushing her tear away.
Awwwwwwwwwww. But no save. Bye Karen.
Episode 20 - Ryan Seacrest and the Top 11
We open with a black and white Ryan intro because somehow black and white television equals Motown music even though colour tv was being developed decades before being broadcast in the US several years before Motown records was founded, and colour tv and Motown had their rise to fame at pretty much the same time and when Ryan gives a History of Motown montage in a few minutes, about half the clips are in colour because these things were kind of happening at the same time and doing a black and white intro for a theme is kind of ridiculous for anything other than a Music From Charlie Chaplin Movies week on Idol.
*sigh*
Whatever, here's Ryan in black and white.
Casey's first up. He goes down into the audience for a bit in his song and has fun with girl there. Ryan and Casey get all nudge-y and faux whispery about who the girl is (turns out she's a friend of Casey's from home) and they are kind of adorable with the "omg you didn't tell me that you like girls!" "she's just a friend!" of it all.
Thia is a bit adorable and Ryan is a lot adorable being amused with her.
And then when Ryan's done talking to her and starts discussing what's up next, Thia gets all confused and turns around. Not to walk off stage or anything, but just to stand there with her back to the camera. Maybe she thought a clip was going to play on the screen behind her and she turned to see? Anyway, I don't think Ryan actually notices her turn.
After a few seconds with her back to the camera, Thia realizes something's not right and turns back around. She has this hilarious and adorable "oops! I don't know what I'm doing!" look on her face. Hee!
So Jacob does his thing and after singing but before judging, Steven Tyler decides he needs to go up on stage and give Jacob a hug. Uh, okay, fine. Judging happens and then when Ryan joins Jacob, he says that Jacob's grandmother wants a hug too. So Jacob goes out into the audience to hug her then returns to the stage. And then for reasons I can't discern, we don't move on from the hugging thing. Instead, Ryan invites the first row to all come up on stage and give Jacob a hug. And they do. A whole bunch of girls hug Jacob (with Ryan being all "sorry! we're all out of time! return to your seat!" when a guy from the audience is next in line, but then letting girls after him through).
When people discuss Idol's declining ratings, I think this should be looked at. Over 60 seconds of screentime were just dedicated to showing a guy that few people care about hugging people that nobody (including the guy doing the hugging) knows. Ryan, dude, I love you, but you usually a lot better at keeping things moving than this.
(Also, when Jacob signals "3" for his voting number, he makes the "okay" sign: middle, ring and pinky fingers up. That's weird, right? I know that index/middle/ring vs thumb/index/middle is a regional thing around the world, but I don't think I've ever seen someone do the okay sign as their default way of saying 3. Huh.)
Ryan and Lauren don't do much of interest, but they look cute at least.
Ryan and Stefano sit down for a pre-singing interview and Stefano talks about how the idols are all spoiled now food-wise because his mom came and cooked for them. His mom, nearby in the audience, hands Ryan some leftovers for him to try. As if Ryan would ever willingly eat pasta.
Stefano sings. Judges judge. Ryan joins Stefano and asks Randy to elaborate on the subject of thinking. The whole idea that Randy is capable of forming thoughts about forming thoughts is kind of a wash, but Ryan helpfully reminds Randy where in the body "thoughts" take place.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm too hard on Randy. Right now, I am not wondering if I was too hard on Randy.
Randy talks about how he knows Stefano has a lengthy resume of sexual experience with the ladies -- and we cut away brilliantly here to Stefano's mom burying her face in her hands -- as well as with Ryan.
Wait, huh?
What's great is that nobody goes to a gay joke/gay panic place, there's just disbelief and a group decision to acknowledge that Randy doesn't have a firm grasp on stringing words together and the way context works and move on. Move on Ryan does and he tries to give out Stefano's numbers for voting and then Randy figures out what's going on and talks over Ryan with a "what I meant was that Ryan has a legit girlfriend and is straight." Ryan jokes about cutting Randy's mic.
An alternate recap, courtesy of TWoP!Joe R:
He keeps talking, too; just babbling on and on about nothing, until he ends up asking Stefano, "You and Ryan are in a serious, committed, deeply sexual relationship, right?" Because if you put a thousand chimps in a room with a thousand typewriters, eventually one of them will end up writing Ryan Seacrest slash-fic.
...which is tragically misguided because there would be a whole lot more Ryan fic out there if it was that easy to get people aboard the Ryan train.
Ryan fails to smear his spit all over Haley's face this week.
Scotty.
Ryan and J.Lo get all fashion critique-y about Pia's dress (they approve) and Randy laughs at them. Ryan tries to explain "couture" to Randy.
We return from a commercial break with Ryan hanging out with a young girl. Aw.
Paul has a jaguar pin on his jacket that Ryan asks about. Maybe it's a cougar? Because Paul is trying to get the cougar vote? Paul thinks this joke is hi-larious.
To show his appreciation, he tries to mount Ryan or something.
For some reason, Ryan decides that we need to talk to Nigel Lythgoe after Naima sings. We really don't though. Let's pretend there was no Nigel here.
James. The height difference here never fails to crack me up.
And that's Motown.
Episode 21 - Ryan Seacrest Fails to Send Anyone Home
Okay, we're 21 eps in and it just occurred to me to watch the credits. Is this the first season they've included non-winners? I see, in order: Kelly Clarkson, Adam Lambert, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia, and Jordin Sparks. Then Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks, Carrie Underwood, and Jennifer Hudson. Then David Cook, Lee Dewyze, and Kris Allen. Weird mix -- non chronological and, while I'm no Clay fan, it seems that if you're going to include a handful of successful non-winners, he should be there too. And LOL at grouping the last three guys together. No matter how interchangeable or not you think they are, surely TPTB have heard the complaints that only a specific type can win the show now, so grouping them together (for reasons that cannot be chronological) is a weird choice.
Aaaaaanyway, here's Ryan cheering about the number of votes the last show got.
There's a group number and Stevie Wonder magically appears partway through to join in. Then apparently it's Steven Tyler's birthday and Stevie and the idols surprise!serenade him. And we see Ryan down at the judges having fun for I think the first time this season. (He's been there before, but there's been no playing.)
Ryan and the judges hold hands and Ryan leads them on stage.
Aw!
Music video, blah blah blah.
Results! First up: Scotty, Pia, Lauren. All safe.
Musical interlude from Sugarland.
Okay, this needs the setup. We see Clips From the Mansion about how James is a huge geek for wrestling and has brought a few other idols into the fold and now he, Paul, Stefano, and Pia have wrestling matches in the mansion. When we return to the stage, Ryan promises us that the results will be "a smackdown".
Ryan calls Paul and James up for results. He tells them that they are both "not safe". Cue lots of booing from the audience.
"I mean you're really not safe tonight," Ryan says. Cue Eye of the Tiger background music. And Hulk Hogan. And James pretty much pissing himself in glee.
Hulk Hogan gathers them round a bit and tells James and Paul that the good news is that they're safe and will be on the tour.
"The bad news," Hulk Hogan says stalking over to Ryan.
"You're not safe." And then Hulk Hogan proceeds to beat the crap out of Ryan or perform a skit with Ryan, depending on your views of wrestling.
Ryan is sent flying off stage. I really hope there's something there to cushion his landing.
Like, for instance, the conveniently-placed laps of some beefy dudes.
And while Ryan's (literally) in his happy place, Hulk Hogan sends us to commercial.
Back to results, next up are Stefano, Thia, and Jacob. Jacob is safe, Thia and Stefano are in the bottom 3.
Next are Casey, Haley, and Naima.
Naima and Haley are safe which means OMG CASEY IS IN THE BOTTOM 3?!? IS THIS WHAT SHOCK FEELS LIKE? I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS WHAT SHOCK FEELS LIKE RYAN HAS SAID I WILL BE SHOCKED ABOUT 50 TIMES THIS EPISODE!!!!
Ignoring the fact that I'm watching this ep 5 weeks after the fact and know how it turns out, how is this shocking? If there had been zero mention in the hours leading up to this ep by TPTB of how shocking the results would be, and zero "shocking!"s by Ryan during this ep, and everyone headed into the results expecting another girl to be picked off and then Casey ended up in the bottom 3 (and then the bottom), that would be surprising. That would be unexpected. But at this stage in the game, whose elimination would be surprising? Casey or Lauren. Maybe Pia or James or Scotty. Except then 4 of the 5 'shocking' elims were ruled out with the first 5 results. If you say something will be shocking and then arrange things so that exactly one shocking option remains, when that one shocking option comes to pass it is not shocking.
American Idol has not and will never be an amazing show. I do not expect amazing things from it. But I do think it has the ability to do so many things a little bit better making the show overall a fair bit better, except the show never does those things. I have such low expectations and Idol insists on undershooting them.
Also, anyone who's interested in finding out who's going home but not sitting through an hour of show to do so is going to tune in for the last five minutes. They're not going to sit through an hour of "stay to the end! it will be exciting, I swear!" and then change the channel before the results are announced. So quit it, Ryan and Nigel, with all the "omgggg you guyssss! this ep! you will be shocked!!!"
Also, Casey would not be in the bottom this week if Simon was a judge, I am just saying.
Musical interlude with Jennifer Hudson. Ryan totally flubs his intro for her, calling her an Idol winner, and gets all pause-y in his words when he realizes what he did, but doesn't correct himself. Ryan chats with her a bit after her songs over and we find out that one of her backup singers is George Huff. HI GEORGE HUFF! I LOVE YOU AND YOUR HETERO MANCRUSH ON RYAN!
Back to some results. Ryan reveals that the first person safe is Thia.
So we've got our bottom 2.
And then the person with the fewest votes is... CASEY! I AM SHOCKED! He gets ready to sing for a save from the judges.
And gets about 15 seconds in before the judges are like "you know how usually we have to pretend to consider saving someone who is clearly not going to be saved? well this week we're going to pretend to be so SHOCKED by this result that we can't even consider not giving you the save." Casey gets all weak-kneed and half collapses in Ryan's arms.
He collects himself a bit and thanks the judges and then buries his face in Ryan's chest. And then maybe offers a BJ?
It's entirely possible that BJs are offered because Casey's mic keeps getting cut and delayed since the save was announced due to swearing or something.
Then Ryan wraps up the ep explaining that the save being used means that two people will get cut next week, but that instead of only the top 10 going on tour, it'll be the top 11. Which I appreciate (the explanation, not the decision) because it was bugging me all ep when someone was told they were safe and guaranteed to go on tour when in fact there was zero guarantee based on the rules as stated at that time.
So there we have it. The shocking episode. I'm glad the save is off the table now. It's nice from the pov of giving a second chance to someone the judges recognize talent in but the public hasn't fallen in love with or to a favourite who was assumed safe and didn't get votes because of that, but week after week of bad singers pleading with judges for another shot doesn't make good tv. And for as much as I'm not really invested in any of these people, I'm glad Casey's not gone yet. I don't think he's the strongest singer and won't be bothered if he doesn't win the record deal, but he is good at entertaining and I think he'll bring more to the tour than most of the others.