(no subject)
i'm unsure how to explain to someone who doesn't know the sensation of recurrently losing control of one's body, of only knowing the sensation of things being wrong but the communication of necessities severed. the mind and body relegated to oppositional sides, betrayed. you lose trust in your own ability to survive.
it's been a rough week. medical appointments pack themselves in between paper due dates and formal obligations. i'm losing my ability to rationalize, crying mid-morning over unrealized fears.
lately feeling so foreign. telescoping out in the middle of conversations, viewing reality like something on a movie screen to be analyzed, theorized. can't concentrate or take anything seriously but the threat of shadows, of telephone voices. wanting to pretend like fifth grade outside the dentist, close the eyes and play for convincing, hope that they'll take you for sleeping and, eventually, go away.
it's been a rough week. medical appointments pack themselves in between paper due dates and formal obligations. i'm losing my ability to rationalize, crying mid-morning over unrealized fears.
lately feeling so foreign. telescoping out in the middle of conversations, viewing reality like something on a movie screen to be analyzed, theorized. can't concentrate or take anything seriously but the threat of shadows, of telephone voices. wanting to pretend like fifth grade outside the dentist, close the eyes and play for convincing, hope that they'll take you for sleeping and, eventually, go away.